How do I tell guests that I don't want gifts?

Annie18

What is the proper way to let guests know that I do not want gifts? If anything, I could really use money or gift certificates. I am not registering anywhere, hoping people might get the hint. My house is filled to capacity with stuff and I just don't need anything else. But after paying for a wedding, money would be greatly appreciated!

september's bride

Don't register, and have your family spread the word when people ask them about suitable gifts for you.

ETA: Just keep in mind, though, that there are some people who prefer to actually give a gift than to give you money or a gift card. You may want to create a small registry with items that are upgrades or newer versions of things you already have. I find it a little hard to believe that there's nothing out there that you can use.

quotequeen

If people (should not be you) are going to spread by word of mouth that you would prefer money, it's best if they can say "Annie and FI have everything they need for their house, but they are saving for X."  "X" should not be your wedding.

flyjawn

i think this is tricky.  one of my friends wrote it in their invitation and i was SO offended.

i think that you have to accept that some people prefer to give gifts.

we are asking for no gifts, no money which i also recognize is hard for people.  we're going to ask people to make donations in our name to their favorite charities.

t.kaufman

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tell-guests-dont-want-gifts-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ecbc24e6-4fb9-4ad1-8d00-cd9dcc55c401Post:35974e5d-64fa-4a24-9b42-2522052d3747">Re: How do I tell guests that I don't want gifts?</a>:
[QUOTE]i think this is tricky.  one of my friends wrote it in their invitation and i was SO offended. i think that you have to accept that some people prefer to give gifts. <strong>we are asking for no gifts, no money which i also recognize is hard for people.  we're going to ask people to make donations in our name to their favorite charities.</strong>
Posted by flyjawn[/QUOTE]


This. If your house is set-up and you dont' need stuff, have people donate the money they would have spent on you. I think it's tacky to ask for money, even by word of mouth.

GreenPepperBurger

Most people will get the hint if you don't register. I might get flamed for this, but if someone does buy you a gift that you don't need, you can always return it for cash. Just make sure you don't slip-up when talking to the giver, and always send a thank you note for whatever the gift is, regardless.

quotequeen

I would honestly prefer to be asked for cash than told to donate to a charity.  I passionately hate charity registries.

if someone does buy you a gift that you don't need, you can always return it for cash

Not sure why you would assume that.  A lot of stores won't return it for cash without the original receipt (assuming it was paid for in cash; if by CC they will only refund to the CC), and that's assuming you even know where it was purchased.

GreenPepperBurger

I agree, Quote. A charity registry seems like a nice idea but a lot of people don't like being told what to spend their money on.

GreenPepperBurger

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tell-guests-dont-want-gifts-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ecbc24e6-4fb9-4ad1-8d00-cd9dcc55c401Post:4bea4c70-b97b-4719-be61-50ae3504f592">Re: How do I tell guests that I don't want gifts?</a>:
[QUOTE]I would honestly prefer to be asked for cash than told to donate to a charity.  I passionately hate charity registries. if someone does buy you a gift that you don't need, you can always return it for cash Not sure why you would assume that.  A lot of stores won't return it for cash without the original receipt (assuming it was paid for in cash; if by CC they will only refund to the CC), and that's assuming you even know where it was purchased.
Posted by quotequeen[/QUOTE]

Maybe that's the case for some people, but in my circle, a lot of people wind up doing this. Just a thought.

gailpete

Your title is misleading.  You do want gifts, you just want them to be in the form of cash.  The only way to let people know that you would prefer cash is to have friends and family tell them that you are saving for a specific item (new house, furniture, etc) and if they prefer they could contrbute to that.  Keep in mind, your guests will then actually expect you to purchase such an item.  Paying for your wedding or honeymoon are not acceptable things to ask guests to contribute to.

Catwoman708

It is impolite to mention gifts in any way on, or in with a wedding invitation.  There is no polite way to inform people you want cash or gift cards. 

The only polite way to mention gift is if someone ASKS you.  The only polite response is

(a)   "How thoughtful of you!  We are registered at ___ store(s)".  Or,

(b).  "How thoughtful of you to ask, but we don't want or need any gifts, we have everything we truly need.  We just want to share this day with our loved ones."

If they really twist your arm and won't take no for an answer, you can tell them
(c)  "If you insist, we have everything we truly need, but money or gift cards are always appreciated."

riverjib

You really can't say that. Like others say, spread it by word of mouth. Those who know you're already established probably plan on it, and if you don't register for much, guests will give cash anyway.

t.kaufman

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tell-guests-dont-want-gifts-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ecbc24e6-4fb9-4ad1-8d00-cd9dcc55c401Post:18544f70-0ab2-4b95-ad57-a6d186e087c6">Re: How do I tell guests that I don't want gifts?</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree, Quote. A charity registry seems like a nice idea but a lot of people don't like being told what to spend their money on.
Posted by GreenPepperBurger[/QUOTE]

Uh, isn't that how all registries work? the lovely couple picks out a bunch of things they want and then the guests pick betwen those things and spend their money on it. Charity registries are the same thing - couples should just make sure that they pick several [we picked like 5] charities that aren't very controversial. For example - Komen for the Cure, PBS, Humane Society, Local schools etc. I don't understand how you would rather buy someone a gift that they don't need when there are soooo many people in need out there.

quotequeen

I don't understand how you would rather buy someone a gift that they don't need when there are soooo many people in need out there.

IF I want to give somebody a wedding gift, then I want to actually give that person a wedding gift.  Whether I also give to charity is completely unrelated and has nothing to do with my desire to give the couple a gift to celebrate their wedding.

SparrowSong

Just don't register for anything. A large number of guests will give money instead. There is no need to make the faux pas of specifically requesting it. Some people will give boxed gifts whether you register of not. Politely thank them for their generosity regardless of if you like the gift or not. Remember nobody has to give you anything, so being pissy that they gave you a punchbowl instead of a check is seriously poor etiquette.

As far as the requesting charitable donations thing. Meh. I guess you could mention that word of mouth, but I wouldn't directly state on a webpage "Please donate to charity in lieu of gifts." It's just... trying too hard. What's the word? Kind of pretentious I guess? "Look at us. We're so admirable. Give our money to the poor people, we don't need it." I think charitable acts are always more admirable when done privately and without AWing. Again I would just not register, then take the money gifts you do receive and quietly donate them as a lump sum to some charity after the fact. No need to get the wedding guests all tangled up in your intentions.

temerityjane

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tell-guests-dont-want-gifts-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ecbc24e6-4fb9-4ad1-8d00-cd9dcc55c401Post:e3fca057-b32a-48f1-a036-99fb2a19e9aa">Re: How do I tell guests that I don't want gifts?</a>:
[QUOTE]Just don't register for anything. A large number of guests will give money instead. There is no need to make the faux pas of specifically requesting it. Some people will give boxed gifts whether you register of not. Politely thank them for their generosity regardless of if you like the gift or not. Remember nobody has to give you anything, so being pissy that they gave you a punchbowl instead of a check is seriously poor etiquette. As far as the requesting charitable donations thing. Meh. I guess you could mention that word of mouth, but I wouldn't directly state on a webpage "Please donate to charity in lieu of gifts." It's just... trying too hard. What's the word? Kind of pretentious I guess? "Look at us. We're so admirable. Give our money to the poor people, we don't need it." I think charitable acts are always more admirable when done privately and without AWing. Again I would just not register, then take the money gifts you do receive and quietly donate them as a lump sum to some charity after the fact. No need to get the wedding guests all tangled up in your intentions.
Posted by SparrowSong[/QUOTE]

I agree with all of this. And I also hope the person who is doing the charity thing isn't mentioning it anywhere on invites or anything, of course, because as "noble" as it may be, it's still just as rude.

Knittibell

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tell-guests-dont-want-gifts-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ecbc24e6-4fb9-4ad1-8d00-cd9dcc55c401Post:70241c72-7546-4ef7-b297-7522ee8cc652">Re: How do I tell guests that I don't want gifts?</a>:
[QUOTE]It is impolite to mention gifts in any way on, or in with a wedding invitation.  There is no polite way to inform people you want cash or gift cards.  The only polite way to mention gift is if someone ASKS you.  The only polite response is (a)   "How thoughtful of you!  We are registered at ___ store(s)".  Or, (b).  "How thoughtful of you to ask, but we don't want or need any gifts, we have everything we truly need.  We just want to share this day with our loved ones." If they really twist your arm and won't take no for an answer, you can tell them (c)  "If you insist, we have everything we truly need, but money or gift cards are always appreciated."
Posted by Catwoman708[/QUOTE]

Ditto. Don't register. Don't EVER say I'd like cash instead of gifts. Many people these days do give Cash- fi and I do (or when we know where they're honeymooning we give Euros, etc, which is always a cool gift, IMO).

annieLCC

We sent out a newsletter w/ a little bio info about our location, etc. hidden in the bottom was the message: For those of you that can't make it please do not feel obligated to give a gift, for those of you who do plan to attend, we request that no gifts are given. A little blunt, but if you don't want gifts you have to get the word out somehow. What we do want is money for our honeymoon,  we told our moms to hint at this to people who wouldn't be offended by such a request, and for people who would be offended to just tell them that our household is well equipped already. Luckily, our family's both live in different states than us, so the moms can just shut them down with something like, "oh, Aunt Pearl, you just save your money for the trip.
Also we're going to have a discreet jar placed by the groomsmen that says donation's for the happy couple's honeymoon --tacky but we want the money. 

trix1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tell-guests-dont-want-gifts-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ecbc24e6-4fb9-4ad1-8d00-cd9dcc55c401Post:77df3176-b41f-41c3-8445-a0de31c67b00">Re: How do I tell guests that I don't want gifts?</a>:
[QUOTE]We sent out a newsletter w/ a little bio info about our location, etc. hidden in the bottom was the message: For those of you that can't make it please do not feel obligated to give a gift, for those of you who do plan to attend, we request that no gifts are given. A little blunt, but if you don't want gifts you have to get the word out somehow. What we do want is money for our honeymoon,  we told our moms to hint at this to people who wouldn't be offended by such a request, and for people who would be offended to just tell them that our household is well equipped already. Luckily, our family's both live in different states than us, so the moms can just shut them down with something like, "oh, Aunt Pearl, you just save your money for the trip. <em><strong>Also we're going to have a discreet jar placed by the groomsmen that says donation's for the happy couple's honeymoon --tacky but we want the money. </strong></em>
Posted by annieLCC[/QUOTE]

Oh Sweet Lord.  Tacky doesn't begin to describe that.  I have to tell you that if I saw this, I'd be judging you.  Very, very, harshly. 

temerityjane

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tell-guests-dont-want-gifts-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ecbc24e6-4fb9-4ad1-8d00-cd9dcc55c401Post:77df3176-b41f-41c3-8445-a0de31c67b00">Re: How do I tell guests that I don't want gifts?</a>:
[QUOTE]We sent out a newsletter w/ a little bio info about our location, etc. hidden in the bottom was the message: For those of you that can't make it please do not feel obligated to give a gift, for those of you who do plan to attend, we request that no gifts are given. A little blunt, but if you don't want gifts you have to get the word out somehow. What we do want is money for our honeymoon,  we told our moms to hint at this to people who wouldn't be offended by such a request, and for people who would be offended to just tell them that our household is well equipped already. Luckily, our family's both live in different states than us, so the moms can just shut them down with something like, "oh, Aunt Pearl, you just save your money for the trip. Also we're going to have a discreet jar placed by the groomsmen that says donation's for the happy couple's honeymoon --tacky but we want the money. 
Posted by annieLCC[/QUOTE]

Aren't you adorable.

flyjawn

agreed that there should be no mention of gifts, money, etc on an invite or anywhere NEAR an invite.

the bottom line is that some people REALLY want to give a gift.  let them.  the rest of the guests will be happy to get some discreet direction about what the happy couple would like.

but honestly, any time i hear that a couple wants cash, i kind of feel put off.  that's just me though...