discuss/thoughts?

pumpkinpumpkin

So, my great-aunt passed away about a year ago, she was murdered in her hotel room by a mentally ill patient in the bed next to her because she was wheezing when she breathes. She probably wouldn't have survived much longer due to other problems too.

My great uncle went on the prowl for a new wife very, VERY shortly after, after spending 60 years with his wife. Okay, understandable, hard to go from living your whole life with someone to no one, right?

So, he finds a new chicken. He proposed to her just a few days before Christmas. My dad's cousin (his daughter) is a little concerned regarding wills, estates, etc. Her dad refused to talk about it with her, stating that he wants his new wife to receive some of the estate as well.

WDYT? I know I would be upset if at 77 years old my dad gets engaged to a stranger and said stranger is going to get the family estate.

EDIT: fiance is about the same age, recently widowed herself.

pinkpinot

Pumpkin, how old is his fiance?

salt78

I would be PISSED if I were her. That is so horrible about your aunt.

Mrs.B6302007

I think I'd have to push for power of attorney.

danieliza1127

Yes I would be really worried and concerned too, especially if he just met this woman and no one knows her true intentions.  But it is his estate and if he doesn't want to leave it all to his family, he certainly doesn't have to.

laurenclaire1386

I'd probably throw a very unbecoming, ridiculous, immature hissy fit if Mom died a year ago and Dad's already getting married and changing the will. I think the part that bothers me most, though, is not necessarily that someone else gets a piece of the estate. It would be the willingness of my father to remarry so quickly after my mother's death. But far be it for me to say anyone's relationship is any less valid because it came in the wake of a spouse's death.

Brie2010

Personally, I'd be annoyed, but there's not too much you can do about it unless his first wife did some creative estate planning.  She can't directlly inherit from the first wife's will, but she'll probably benefit from her new husband inheriting, and from that point on he can do with it what he wants.

Is he still totally mentally competent and is this woman legitimately in love with him?  Wills can be challenged on the bases of fraud, incompetency, and duress.  So, if she pressured him to change his will to include her, or he wasn't all there when he made the will, or she misled him, it could be thrown out. 

vallyhoo

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_discussthoughts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:edd15b9c-9179-4845-ac25-7a24f4bdeb30Post:4456de2d-43d7-4f0c-aee6-dde5a57d4a7e">Re: discuss/thoughts?</a>:
[QUOTE]Yes I would be really worried and concerned too, especially if he just met this woman and no one knows her true intentions.  But it is his estate and if he doesn't want to leave it all to his family, he certainly doesn't have to.
Posted by danieliza1127[/QUOTE]

I agree.

pumpkinpumpkin

fiance is about the same age, recently widowed as well. No huge fortune here either, but great uncle is really deeply, madly in love - so of course, that's all he sees. My dad's cousin is just so torn up about it. She feels so guilty for being worried about it, instead of being able to feel happy for her dad.

goheels05

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_discussthoughts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:edd15b9c-9179-4845-ac25-7a24f4bdeb30Post:4456de2d-43d7-4f0c-aee6-dde5a57d4a7e">Re: discuss/thoughts?</a>:
[QUOTE]Yes I would be really worried and concerned too, especially if he just met this woman and no one knows her true intentions.  But it is his estate and if he doesn't want to leave it all to his family, he certainly doesn't have to.
Posted by danieliza1127[/QUOTE]

I don't think it's so much an issue of him wanting to leave it all to his new wife, I think it's a matter of he's not willing to address it, which is bad depending on the estate laws where they live.  In most places, if no will exists, surviving spouse gets everything.  Since it's been so recent that his previous wife passed away, there's a good chance he hasn't updated his will, which means if he were to unexpectedly pass, the new wife would get everything.   It's definitely a legitimate concern.  Will and estate laws are very complex and everything has to be done just right in order to hold up in probate.

Brie2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_discussthoughts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:edd15b9c-9179-4845-ac25-7a24f4bdeb30Post:9c317e12-1e8e-4ee2-b61f-9c06d770332a">Re: discuss/thoughts?</a>:
[QUOTE]fiance is about the same age, recently widowed as well. No huge fortune here either, but great uncle is really deeply, madly in love - so of course, that's all he sees. My dad's cousin is just so torn up about it. She feels so guilty for being worried about it, instead of being able to feel happy for her dad.
Posted by pumpkinpumpkin[/QUOTE]

That's sad.  I think they should all seek independent counsel so they're all aware of their rights and what they can and can't do--Canadian law is different from American law, of course, but she may have at least some recourse.  Maybe she could discuss a pre-nup with your great-uncle, so your great-aunt's assets can at least be partially secured for her?

danieliza1127

I would guess that he's so madly in love because he just can't handle the thought of being alone for the first time in over 60 years.  I mean, none of us can imagine, but try to imagine being that old and having been with the same person for that long.  I can't even imagine how uprooting that would be.  Maybe he just wants someone to be with.  I just don't really see how his daughter could step in without it seeming like she's just trying to save her inheritance, unless he is mentally unstable or fading in some way.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I wouldn't mind the wedding thing so much, as that's his choice. But I'd mind the will thing.

In fact, if my dad ever marries his live-in girlfriend, that's a discussion he and I (and my brother) will DEFINITELY be having. Not just because of my dad's investments, but because he owns property he has promised to his children, since it's been in the family for 80+ years. And his girlfriend is the kind who thinks he has a ton of money, etc. And basically thinks she's lucky to be with a guy who actually owns his own house.

Can she go to a court, get power of attorney, have him declared incompetent, anything?

danieliza1127

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_discussthoughts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:edd15b9c-9179-4845-ac25-7a24f4bdeb30Post:8e0a67da-ecee-43b8-a79c-abf1af09fb08">Re: discuss/thoughts?</a>:
[QUOTE]I wouldn't mind the wedding thing so much, as that's his choice. But I'd mind the will thing. In fact, if my dad ever marries his live-in girlfriend, that's a discussion he and I (and my brother) will DEFINITELY be having. Not just because of my dad's investments, but because he owns property he has promised to his children, since it's been in the family for 80+ years. And his girlfriend is the kind who thinks he has a ton of money, etc. And basically thinks she's lucky to be with a guy who actually owns his own house.
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

See that just sounds so entitled to me.  Your dad isn't required to leave his stuff to you.  Now if he promised some property, sure I could see you wanting to get that down legally so he follows through with it.  In my opinion though, just being someone's kid doesn't entitle you to everything they have worked for when they die.  I don't make any assumptions about what my parents are doing with their estate and I don't even know what's in their will. 

My H's grandma has tons of land, I mean tons, and she isn't even leaving it to her 4 children.  When she dies it goes into trust or something and the last surviving one of her 4 children will get it all.  Which means everyone gets screwed except her child that lives the longest and their kids who would surely get it all.  It sucks, but that's her right to do it that way and who are we to tell her it's wrong?  It's her land.

pumpkinpumpkin

No, he's pretty mentally-stable. In good health, etc. etc. I know he doesn't HAVE to leave the family money, properties, etc to his children, but that's the way it's been planned for years and years, and now he wants to change things. My poor dead aunt is probably rolling in her grave.

My dad's cousin also doesn't think the new FI has anything to do with this. She thinks her dad legitimately thinks because she will be his new wife, that she deserves everything. Your choice is your choice, just was curious on others' opinions.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Dani - he bought the property from my mother. So actually, it was my mom's family property. He bought it from her specifically because he wants us to have it. And promised her and us it would be that way.

And yes, I know I sound entiteld because I want that property. (In fact, I'll probably let my brother have it/buy me out because he lives a lot closer, but I would like knowing that it is still part of the family.)

And my mom is a real estate agent. And when my dad first started dating his girlfriend, the girlfriend called another agent at their office and said she might in the market for property soon because her boyfriend "had a lot of money." I'm not sure how far that went - if she brought up the issue of moving to my dad or if he just insisted he would never sell.

FWIW I was upset when my dad and aunt sold their parents' house, which my grandfather built, and which my grandparents had lived in for 53 years, too. But even that didn't mean as much to us as the lake house does.

danieliza1127

Mery - that's all understandable.  I realize every situation is different.

ButtonsPepper

I think it only matters if the 1st wife wanted it some way. I feel like they worked on their will together... and now that a new woman has come into the picture, he is changing everything him and his 1st wife talked about. That is what would grind my gears.

iamjoesgurl

If it was my dad, I would be indifferent to the will issue (unless it was a case like msmerymac where the property had been in the family for multiple generations).  The reason I feel this way is that I feel pretty strongly that my dad's stuff is his to do as he pleases.  I don't feel that it is his responsibility to leave anything to future generations.  In fact, I wish he would enjoy his money more so that there is nothing left when he is gone.  I just know that's not practical because he wants to make sure that he has enough money to ensure that he can afford quality care when he cannot take care of himself .

iamjoesgurl

By the way P2, I'm sorry about the circumstances of your aunt's passing.  I'm sure that makes this situation even more difficult for her children. 

skiingstark

 I was watching one of those day time talk shows that talk about something similar to this. Who knows how correct it is but could be something worth looking into for some people.

There are wills that you can make that keep property inside the family, (only people who are actually blood related to you)

So for example if there is a house that has been in the family for ever and you want it to stay that way you get this type of will. Lets assume they have two kids. One gets the house then marries has has one kid. Then he dies, the spouse would not get the house the kid would. If the kid then dies the house would go back to what ever cousin or aunts/uncles that was a blood relative. Again not the spouse who is not related. Does that make since.

ricksang

I would not be happy at all.

thesuninherhead

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_discussthoughts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:edd15b9c-9179-4845-ac25-7a24f4bdeb30Post:a892009c-6e0a-4fce-8323-38c44d4d2681">Re: discuss/thoughts?</a>:
[QUOTE]If it was my dad, I would be indifferent to the will issue (unless it was a case like msmerymac where the property had been in the family for multiple generations).  The reason I feel this way is that I feel pretty strongly that my dad's stuff is his to do as he pleases.  I don't feel that it is his responsibility to leave anything to future generations.  In fact, I wish he would enjoy his money more so that there is nothing left when he is gone.  I just know that's not practical because he wants to make sure that he has enough money to ensure that he can afford quality care when he cannot take care of himself .
<p>Posted by iamjoesgurl[/QUOTE]</p><p> </p><p>I feel similarly- my parents are always so concerned about having large savings etc to leave for us when they pass- I would much prefer they spent all their money and had a fantastic time doing so. </p><p> </p><p>As for the will, ultimately if he feels that the moral thing to do is to leave his new wife everything, that is really his choice. How is the rest of the family reacting?</p>