Wedding Etiquette Forum

Wedding Date Issues

My boyfriend of nearly 5 years proposed at Thanksgiving and that night we picked a date and let family and friends (especially those that would be in the wedding) know about the date that we were looking into, October 6, 2012.  Everyone seemed to be cool with the date.  One of the bridesmaids mentioned that it was close to her and her boyfriend's anniversary and said it would be really cool to have anniversaries so close to each others.  

I started researching venues because in our town they tend to book up really fast.  Three of the places, I really liked and were in our price range are already booked for September, October, and Novemeber; 1 place is available but I still need to look at it to see if it will suit our needs, and one place is available the friday before the 6th-October 5th and one that would be my dream but might be out of my price and might not meet our needs is open October 20th.

 I met with some of bridesmaid on Saturday and told them the issues that I'm having with finding places that are open or if they are open that don't meet our needs. I told them all how bad I was freaking out about it and how I didn't know how everything was going to work out.

I sent them all an email the next day, outlining how I thought wedding planning would go because they all have been asking me about dress shopping for me, for them, and planning showers.  After the email, one of the bridesmaids calls and asked me if I could change our proposed wedding dates to an entirely different weekend because itwould mess with her and her boyfriend's 2nd year anniversary.  She is now causing issues with other members of the wedding party.  I don't know what to do.  The place that the wedding is probably going to be (because of cost, location, size, etc) is the place that only has the 5th available. 

Re: Wedding Date Issues

  • What's wrong with the 5th?  You might actually be able to save some money by having it on a Friday.  Officially, wedding dates aren't set in stone until you have the vendors booked.
  • I did. Everyone else loves the date. We have the majority of our guests coming in from out of town and they think that it is great becaue it gives them plenty of time to ask off for work and doesn't mess with birthdates and other scheduled events. 
  • When you ask people for opinions about the date( like you did) you open yourself up to their opinions.

    Just reply to the BM, "we will keep that in mind when we are looking at places." and then change the subject.

    Keep the emailing to outlining planning to a minimum.They can organize the showers on their own- you say out of that. The rest wait until you get a date and then just send an email saying "we are going on X date to look for my dress & then X date to look at BMs dresses. Please let me know your budgets before hand."

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  • The only approval you need for a wedding date is the VIPs - i.e., can your parents, siblings, etc., be there?  I think it is ridiculous for a BM to ask you not to have your wedding because of her anniversary (and a dating anniversary, at that).

    That said, you don't actually have a date until you book a venue.  I will never understand why people announce a date to everyone and then try to figure out venue availability.
  • Since you already have an idea of when everyone is available, I'd stop talking about a date until you actually have a date at a place you like. And personally I wouldn't give another thought to the BM's request. It's weird and out of line -- if the 5th works for you, then that's the date.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-date-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ef3eea42-f0bf-431b-a123-0c54f6b24bd7Post:00043d46-51b8-4c60-8d34-6545d213b126">Re: Wedding Date Issues</a>:
    [QUOTE]She'll get over it. <strong>Personally, I wouldn't care if our anniversary fell on someone's else wedding day. That means free dinner and drinks for us!</strong>
    Posted by rachers1017[/QUOTE]

    <div>Ditto!</div><div>
    </div><div>My parents' once had two different family weddings on their anniversary (from different sides of the family).  2 free meals!  Score!</div>
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  • Thanks everyone for the great advice.  This makes me feel a lot better about the situation and how to handle it.  You ladies are awesome!Smile
  • I would book the date that is the best for you, your FI, and VIPs (parents, siblings, other close family members, and obviously what dates are open at the venue you'd like. I wouldn't work around someone's dating anniversary.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-date-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ef3eea42-f0bf-431b-a123-0c54f6b24bd7Post:00043d46-51b8-4c60-8d34-6545d213b126">Re: Wedding Date Issues</a>:
    [QUOTE]She'll get over it. Personally, I wouldn't care if our anniversary fell on someone's else wedding day. That means free dinner and drinks for us!
    Posted by rachers1017[/QUOTE]

    This.

    Other then making sure the BM's aren't already involved in another wedding or out of the country I don't think you need to accommodate their schedules.
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  • First off, Congrats on getting engaged!

    I would not work around someone's dating anniversary, she'll eventually get over it. I'm getting married on my nephew's birthday, and 2 days after a friend's wedding anniversary and have no issues because no one cares and its what works for us date wise.

    Try not to stress too much about the date situation until you've secured a venue. You never know, you might have to move your date anyway in order to get the venue you want... the beginning stages of planning have a tendancy to work that way....
  • Also remember that people are only giving your their opinions because they want to change your mind. Once you've book the venue and the date is set in stone they'll stop having to hear people complain. They'll know there's no use whining, because they can't change it. :-) Trust me - it happened to us.
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  • My uncle and aunt got married on my parent's 10 year wedding anniversary.  My parents didnt feel like it hijacked their anniversary at all, and it makes it a heck of a lot easier for the entire family to remember to celebrate them both.

    Do what makes you happy. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-date-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ef3eea42-f0bf-431b-a123-0c54f6b24bd7Post:c29fb520-beb0-4352-9e65-0f758018a80e">Re: Wedding Date Issues</a>:
    [QUOTE]Tenofcups, you're silver now!  Congrats!
    Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

    Ha! I didn't even notice!<img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" />
  • Good luck on getting married in 3 days!!!
  • The way I see it, one of two things will happen:

    1. your friend eventually marries said boyfriend, and her wedding date becomes their anniversary, and the anniversary of their first date is just something casually mentioned in passing.

    2. your friend breaks up with the boyfriend, and the date doesn't matter whatsoever.

    Either way, have your wedding when you want.
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  • Dating anniversaries are dumb, and most anniversaries only matter to the two that are celebrating it.  Expecting everyone else to stop their lives for your dating anniversary is a little bit AW to me. 

    We are attending a wedding on our first anniversary next year. 
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  • It's YOUR wedding so you get to choose the date YOU want.  When it's HER wedding, she can have some say...she's being selfish.
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  • Our wedding date falls on my Matron of Honors wedding date... I don't think she really cared. I think it's rude of your BM to ask you to move the date especially since she has so much notice. It might be a little different if she had made plans for a vacation already but I don't think people really book vacas that far out.

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  • My brother & SIL got married on my mother's birthday, she didn't complain.  FI and I will be getting married 2 days after FMIL turns 60.  We will be having a cake for her at our reception, just like my brother & SIL did at their reception for my mom.  Don't worry about your friend's dating anniversary.  As PP said, she will get over it.
  • How can she expect you to move your wedding date for a 2 year anniversery? That seems a little childish if you ask me.
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