Children Free Wedding, but what should the age cut off be?

jenluxsd

I have always known that I would have a child free wedding. The fiance agrees with me in the no children in weddings as well.

My problem is what should the cut off age be?

My fiance's youngest son is going to be 18 at the time of the wedding, so I was thinking of making the cut off age 18.

But I have some younger cousins and one of fiance's nephews are going to be under 18, I think maybe in the 14-17 range. Im torn as to what the cut off age should be. We do want his nieces and nephews that are definitely over 18 there, but one will be under 18 and it feels awkward to not invite him but invite his sister. I also have a couple of young cousins that are going to be in the teen range and I do want them included. 

However, I feel like if I have a no children rule, it should be across the board, that way no drama will come up for any guests. But I dont know...it feels weird that some kids in one family will be invited but not others.  

aMrsin09

To me, a no-kids rule is 13/14 and below.  An Adults only is 18+

And I don't prescribe to the you can't break up families thought.  There were plenty of weddings I went to that my sister did not and there was stuff she did, that I was just too old for.  I mean should a 12 year drive a car just because his 16 yr old brother can?  No.  Age brings privileges and the younger ones just have to wait until they can do stuff too.

SimplyIndulgent

I would go with the youngest "older" relative you have.  If you have a 14 year old you would like to be included, make it 14.  This will make it so the guests with really young kids, (under 12 or so), understand.  I know it seems like a couple years isn't that much, but have you looked at the differences in those years lately?  A 10 year old is very different from a 14 year old.  That being said there are a lot of differences between a 14 year old and an 18 year old, but they aren't as major or apparent as the younger kids and they definitely won't be throwing food they don't like or crying that they aren't the cetner of attention.  If there is no clean line and you have all ranges, then I would just go with 16.  18 defines adult mostly in legal terms, but it is widely agreed that most teens are ready to act like adults before 18.  We let them drive, and expect them to behave rationally by their own judgement (although they don't always), but they know how to be civil.  I'd do 16, if you really don't know.

Anyway, I can't sleep, so there is my horribly long explanation of what I would do.

dsouldiva

Unless it's a clear cut age like no U21s I think you are going to have drama, especially if you are allowing 18 year olds but not 17 year olds.  Then there's the major drama for families who have one child old enough to come and one who isn't, I don't think it's fair to invite say a 16 year old but leave out their 13 year old brother/sister.

IMO it's all or nothing on this one.

Lenore2010

I think "no kids" means no one under 13. There is usually no reason for banning 13 and 14 year olds. They are unlikely to start running in the aisles or crying and whining. 

I started college when I was 17, so I would have been at least surprised to be banned from a wedding at that age.

SaraAndrew2010

We're doing high school age +.  My FI's brother is 16 and FI and I are fairly young (25) and closer with our college age cousins than their parents, so it didn't make sense to do a 21+ cutoff.  It works out that their is kinda of a natural gap in ages around high school, so it won't be splitting up families.  That said, I'm sure their will be some grumbling over why high school freshmen are there, but not junior high.  You're pretty much never going to make everyone happy.

ANGEL006

You really have to decide based on your guest list. Our cut-off was 14 and that was only for 2 close cousins. We did not invite our friends children who were in that age group ~ only family. The invitations specified their names as well and we did not include "and guest" for the kids. I did not want my 16 -18 year old cousins finding a date to bring to a family wedding. If not, it may have turned in to a free for all.

JanoBean75

For mine, the cut-off is pretty much everyone's kids except FI's step-siblings. They get to come. That's it.

Sarah-Jean

I think the age cut off is subjective. FI has 3 cousins, 20, 18, & 15. We're having an 'adult only' reception, but we're going to invite the 15 year old because at that age, he will be able to act approriately & I think his aunt & uncle would probably be a little offended if we invited 2 of their 3 kids.
I think a lot depends on the maturity level of the kids in question too.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

How many small children are in the family? Is it one or two kids who are under 10? Because if so, I'd probably let them slide and just invite everyone.

jenluxsd

Within my family, the youngest child I think is going to be 10 when the wedding rolls around. And the 10 y/o is my cousin technically, some aunts/uncles had children much later in life.

Fiance and I  really dont want children at the wedding. But excluding some kids and not others feels weird. And I dont want guests to be offended either when they see maybe young teens there and we did not invite their young teens. 

Its not really a money or space issue, but we just would prefer a formal adult affair. 

Would having a kids/young teens play room in the same hotel but different room be an option. I know people have said they feel weird leaving their kids with people they dont know.  But it would be a fully stocked play room with video games, movies, pizza, etc...

youngad

Maybe you should make it so that anyone not yet in high school is invited. That should take care of your nieces and nephews.

Amber Elizabeth

We plan on having a child-free wedding and it will be an 18+ no exceptions. Anyone that wants to get all butt hurt over it doesn't need to come cause drama at my wedding. No kids to me means no one under 18. My 3 nieces are going to be the flower girls and I know people are going to have a million reasons why their kids should be allowed to come, but it's my damn wedding and they are my nieces so anyone that wants to cry about their kids not coming can go fly a kite. Not to mention they won't be there the whole wedding.

blondie82784

What we did was his nieces, nephews,and  the FGs & RB are the only kids allowed other than that everyone else must be over 18

MyNameIsNot

If the youngest child is 10, and you want to invite the teenagers, I think it makes the most sense to go ahead and extend the invite to everyone.   We didn't have many little kids involved, so we just invited everyone.  There were a couple of kids there in the10-12 range, and then some teenagers.  It was really fine.  They were all at one table together, and they just hung out.  They were old enough that they weren't running around, they were back there playing games and gossiping, and they danced some. 

Most people won't leave their kids with a strange sitter, but at that age, it isn't the same thing.  By 10, a kid doesn't need a lot of supervision.  If you can offer a back room on the premises stocked with pizza, soda, some video games, etc, these kids will end up back there most of the night. 

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_children-wedding-but-should-age-cut-off?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f035f7f9-4d25-408a-99c1-e22aee283fcaPost:311ac7ed-4981-48f7-87cc-f44a092007df">Re: Children Free Wedding, but what should the age cut off be?</a>:
[QUOTE]We plan on having a child-free wedding and it will be an <strong>18+ no exceptions</strong>. Anyone that wants to get all butt hurt over it doesn't need to come cause drama at my wedding. No kids to me means no one under 18. <strong>My 3 nieces are going to be the flower girls</strong> and I know people are going to have a million reasons why their kids should be allowed to come, but it's my damn wedding and they are my nieces so anyone that wants to cry about their kids not coming can go fly a kite. Not to mention they won't be there the whole wedding.
Posted by Amber Elizabeth[/QUOTE]

Psst: that's an exception.

Lenore2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_children-wedding-but-should-age-cut-off?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f035f7f9-4d25-408a-99c1-e22aee283fcaPost:4ea3f695-9671-4014-b999-935ead1e9e1b">Re: Children Free Wedding, but what should the age cut off be?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Children Free Wedding, but what should the age cut off be? : Psst: that's an exception.
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

and exceptions breed bad feelings. Not worth it in my book.

alyssalowe

We made ours a 18+ wedding reception. It was way cheaper on our dram shop insurance to give them the overal total of 200 and mention that there was only going to be 5 between the ages of 18-20, everyone else will be of age. They drastically cut the costs for us. I fully support "adult receptions", its supposed to be a day of celebration. You can invite whole families to the ceremony by the way, on the invite just place the words, "adult reception to follow" and make time to snap pix with the underagers that wont be in attendance if you can while at the church.

krmabojo

I would say no one under 18 for no children.

angel31

My finace and i decided to have a cut off age also. We picked under 14 because we felt that they are no longer children. Our biggest problem is how do we address the situation. How do we tell our relatives that there is a cut off age? Any ideas?

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_children-wedding-but-should-age-cut-off?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f035f7f9-4d25-408a-99c1-e22aee283fcaPost:8239a031-0855-405c-adc6-20cd0d33ffff">Re: Children Free Wedding, but what should the age cut off be?</a>:
[QUOTE]My finace and i decided to have a cut off age also. We picked under 14 because we felt that they are no longer children. Our biggest problem is how do we address the situation. How do we tell our relatives that there is a cut off age? Any ideas?
Posted by angel31[/QUOTE]

You put the names of the people invited and leave offthe ones that aren't.  You're going to have to figure out how old these kids are.

savannahrl

Adult receptions are often very touchy.  We are having an adult only reception but there are a few teen cousins who I am close to.... so I put them in the wedding party.  I will have 2 junior bridesmaids and a junior groomsman (one lady on either side) they are in the 13-17 range.  My other teen cousins are pretty ill-mannered so it's adult only unless you're in the wedding party!

betrothed123

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_children-wedding-but-should-age-cut-off?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f035f7f9-4d25-408a-99c1-e22aee283fcaPost:07f1f4f8-8b9c-42de-9ee9-ced0d7af901c">Re: Children Free Wedding, but what should the age cut off be?</a>:
[QUOTE]We made ours a 18+ wedding reception. It was way cheaper on our dram shop insurance to give them the overal total of 200 and mention that there was only going to be 5 between the ages of 18-20, everyone else will be of age. They drastically cut the costs for us. I fully support "adult receptions", its supposed to be a day of celebration. <strong>You can invite whole families to the ceremony by the way, on the invite just place the words, "adult reception to follow"</strong> and make time to snap pix with the underagers that wont be in attendance if you can while at the church.
Posted by alyssalowe[/QUOTE]
No, actually, this is incredibly rude.  Anyone invited to the ceremony must be invited to the reception.  Children are not an exception to this rule.

honeybee77

why don't you just invite the kids you want?  that is what i am doing, and it has caused no drama.  i am only inviting children that i actually have a relationship with-- like my first cousins, or the six second cousins I am close to.  but my mom's friends' kids?  no.  i feel like cut-off ages adds a lot of drama.

alyssalowe

First of all it depends on the number of people being left out, a few kids here or there yes it could be rude. As for what I said I was doing, it is not rude when there is OVER 125 children in the group that would have to be invited. When your having a ceremony in the same town as 80% of the guests and there is a two hour time between the ceremony and the reception, it is MORE than enough to drop children off. Nearly EVERYONE that I have spoken with do NOT want to bring their children to the reception but do want them at the ceremony so they can see us married before god and witnesses. That is a family oriented portion.
 
Receptions where there is going to be drinking late in the night, it is not acceptable to bring your children whose bed times are much earlier then those in attendance, should NOT witness most receptions as it is more adult oriented and your going to have to find sober drivers as well as us paying a butt load of money for them to be out of hand and not touch their food.

Judge who you want. Not all weddings, guests, situations, or money limits allow for the SAME set of rules. I have read this idea on MANY boards. The whole point of this is finding an idea on compermising to have an adult reception and what age is adult...

Laina384

My DH and I had a cutoff age of 13. It was originally going to be 16 but I have a cousin who I'm extremely close to that was 15 at the time of the wedding. We did have a split in one of the families but they were hardly in our lives so for them not to be at the wedding was no big deal (we invited them to be nice and the two older girls were so excited to come but in the end, they didn't - ah well).

The biggest reason we did an age restriction was because MH's family is big (mom 1 of 6, dad 1 of 5) so we felt the age limit would help set a rule so that we could keep the wedding small.

Plus, we didn't want to have really young kids at the wedding

AmandaRenae

We are doing child free wedding as well. However, we are inviting my younger cousins. So our rule is no one under 18 unless they are relatives its a pretty good rule since I wouldn't ever want to leave out any of my family members or cause any hurt feelings. The only thing we are struggling with are guests who are traveling and will have to stay the weekend. Should they be able to bring their children? Isn't it to much to expect them to get a sitter for the weekend?

FutureMrs.McC

Go with whatever age works for you.  I think 12 or 13 is fine cut-off.  Thinking back on every "adult" reception I've been to, there have always been teenagers just not children.

tommyandy

If you do set up a room with pizza & sodas & x-box & ps3 & so on, don't be surprised if most of the 40 and under guys end up there too.

cukimerrydoll

We're doing a "no-kids except for family" rule.  That way, all our cousins still get to go, but not random children or friends' children that we don't need there... all 21 of my cousins are younger than 18 (my siblings and I are older than all of our cousins on both sides - but close in age to some of my Dad's cousins), and I would hate to exclude them - or to exclude some but not all.

There is a separate room in one area of the building that we are going to set up Guitar Hero or Rockband for (haven't decided which yet) so they have a refuge.  It's going to be a lounge for anyone too.

lyndausvi

I prefer the category cut off than an age cut off..  We only wanted my nieces and nephews (he does not have any).. They range in age from 15 to 6 years old.. We never had to say anything.. they were invited, other kids were not, no one questioned  our decision...

Personally I think you should make the cut at a category level not an age level..