Annoying Bridesmaid

JohnandKatrina2011

Ok so one of my bridesmaids has been quite irritating and whiney since I asked her to be in the wedding. She lives on the other side of the country from me and has complained about everything, the price of the plane ticket, how much time she'll have to take off work to come out, the price of the BM dress... EVERYTHING! The thing is, she and I have been friends for 10 or so years so I'd really like to have her in the wedding, or so I thought. At this point I'm getting tired of her complaining about how expensive my wedding will be for her... especially when my fiance and I are paying for the majority of it on our own and she JUST bought a new car, after all the complaining. I'd really like to have friends in the wedding who are happy for us during such an exciting time in our lives but I don't want to lose her as a friend over this by asking her not to be in the wedding now. I have no idea what to do but have friends more than willing to step in to her shoes. Ideas? Suggestions?

catemeg

How she spends her money (new car) is not your concern, but it sounds like she's not interested in coming - most likely for the expense and hassle of being a bridesmaid.

If you hope to salvage the relationship, I would talk to her.  Let her know that you understand it's a lot to ask, that it would be rather expensive for her, and that the offer stands for her to participate if she's interested and able (you can't and shouldn't ask her to step down), but if she chooses not to come or chooses to come only as a guest, you'll still be thrilled she's a part of your life.  Then you stand by that - either be thrilled she comes as a guest, or still be a friend and don't hold a grudge if she decides she can't come.  It's not like she's going to return her car to pay to come to your wedding, so don't hold that against her.

And don't replace her as a bridesmaid.  It will make her feel replaced as a friend, and it will make your friend who participates in her place feel like a second-string choice.  It's an insult to both of them.  Just have uneven sides.

*Reason #4852 Why I'm NEVER Having Bridesmaids*

Mrs.B6302007

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_annoying-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f0d4e5c6-0af0-4a27-8206-4919d6051278Post:9c2fb4be-6ff1-48d7-8697-94f30e52b845">Annoying Bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok so one of my bridesmaids has been quite irritating and whiney since I asked her to be in the wedding. She lives on the other side of the country from me and has complained about everything, the price of the plane ticket, how much time she'll have to take off work to come out, the price of the BM dress... EVERYTHING! The thing is, she and I have been friends for 10 or so years so I'd really like to have her in the wedding, or so I thought. At this point I'm getting tired of her complaining about how expensive my wedding will be for her... especially when my fiance and I are paying for the majority of it on our own and she JUST bought a new car, after all the complaining. I'd really like to have friends in the wedding who are happy for us during such an exciting time in our lives but I don't want to lose her as a friend over this by asking her not to be in the wedding now. I have no idea what to do but have friends more than willing to step in to her shoes. Ideas? Suggestions?
Posted by JohnandKatrina2011[/QUOTE]

Do NOT replace her or kick her out if you value your friendship with her at all.
Also, her finances are NOYB.  If her complaining is getting on your nerves, limit the amount of wedding talk with here.

opalsky007

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_annoying-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f0d4e5c6-0af0-4a27-8206-4919d6051278Post:9c2fb4be-6ff1-48d7-8697-94f30e52b845">Annoying Bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok so one of my bridesmaids has been quite irritating and whiney since I asked her to be in the wedding. She lives on the other side of the country from me and has complained about everything, the price of the plane ticket, how much time she'll have to take off work to come out, the price of the BM dress... EVERYTHING! The thing is, she and I have been friends for 10 or so years so I'd really like to have her in the wedding, or so I thought. At this point I'm getting tired of her complaining about how expensive my wedding will be for her... especially when my fiance and I are paying for the majority of it on our own and she JUST bought a new car, after all the complaining. I'd really like to have friends in the wedding who are happy for us during such an exciting time in our lives but I don't want to lose her as a friend over this by asking her not to be in the wedding now. I have no idea what to do but have friends more than willing to step in to her shoes. Ideas? Suggestions?
Posted by JohnandKatrina2011[/QUOTE]

1. Your wedding is a big expense for her. Do what you can to accomodate her. Plane tickets, dresses, gifts, and whatnot really add up, especially when you've got a car payment to manage. Specifically, you should have chosen dresses with your bridesmaids' budgets in mind.

2. Do not ask her to step down. You can't take back an honor like that. If she decides to step down because of the cost, fine.

3. Do not replace her if she steps down. That's about the rudest thing you can do to a friend: treat them as disposable and replacable. Your sides do not need to be even and you won't be any worse off with one less bridesmaid. You will be worse off with one less friend.

aragx6

How DARE she buy a new car! It's like she didn't even think about your wedding when making important decisions about her life.

strlzfan11

Nobody will be as excited about your wedding as you are.  Also, the fact that she's concerned about her finances doesn't mean she's not happy that you're getting married.

If I were you, I'd call her up and tell her you understand she's concerned about the expenses and ask if there's anything you can do to help.  If she chooses to setp down, that's on her, but please do not replace her.

AmoroAgain

Wait.  You mean I was supposed to make my sisters run all of their purchases through me before the wedding??  SHIIT.  No wonder I didn't get a card from them!!

JohnandKatrina2011

I'm not saying she should stop having a life simply because I'm getting married. Not asking that at all. It just irritates me that she is complaining about being broke but then goes out and buys such a big ticket item. Please excuse the apparent rant, that's not how I meant it.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Maybe she needed a new car. Depending on where she lives, cars can be pretty indispensible. Weddings, not so much.

If she can't afford to come, she'll tell you. Or RSVP no, even though that would passive-agressive and pretty crappy of her. If she can do it, she'll do it. Just ignore her for now and change the subject. UNLESS it's something you can control. Example: let her wear shoes and jewelry she already has, assure her it's fine for her to do her own hair and makeup, maybe cover the cost of alterations.

eastunder1

Lets be honest here.   Being a bridesmaid can be pain in the ass.  Its EXPENSIVE.  Especially if air travel is involved.  No one likes spending money on dresses they didn't pick out and will never wear again, using up days off work that aren't for their own personal vacations, spending even more on travel, alterations, shoes ect ect.  You do it because you love your friend and want to be there for them, but that doesn't change the fact that a lot of things about the process suck.   Her problem here isn't being annoyed, it's just that she chose you as the person to complain about it to.   Try not to take it to heart.   When the day comes she'll be all about it. 

JohnandKatrina2011

I'm not too worried that she'd RSVP no, but I am concerned that she'll tell me at the very last minute that she can't come. I've already switched to much cheaper BM dresses, plan on getting them jewelry as a gift to wear the day of, and don't mind at all if the girls do their own hair and makeup. Alterations come with the dresses, thankfully. I just feel like I've done a lot to help make it easier on her but it's not good enough for her.

quotequeen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_annoying-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f0d4e5c6-0af0-4a27-8206-4919d6051278Post:4ad9930a-1401-4e69-ac1f-0197f856732c">Re: Annoying Bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm not saying she should stop having a life simply because I'm getting married. Not asking that at all. It just irritates me that she is complaining about being broke but then goes out and buys such a big ticket item. Please excuse the apparent rant, that's not how I meant it.
Posted by JohnandKatrina2011[/QUOTE]

Maybe she's been saving for this new car for years and your wedding is making it more difficult for her to afford it.  You really think she should sacrifice that for your wedding?

It's great that you've done things to lower the burden, but it sounds like they were something of an afterthought, like changing the dress - you should have found out their budgets first before you chose the dress.  And jewelry you're making them wear in the wedding is not really a gift to them unless you are certain that they would love it and wear it independently of your wedding.

aral2003

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_annoying-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f0d4e5c6-0af0-4a27-8206-4919d6051278Post:4ad9930a-1401-4e69-ac1f-0197f856732c">Re: Annoying Bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm not saying she should stop having a life simply because I'm getting married. Not asking that at all. It just irritates me that she is complaining about being broke but then goes out and buys such a big ticket item. Please excuse the apparent rant, that's not how I meant it.
Posted by JohnandKatrina2011[/QUOTE]

I understand your frustration.  Don't whine about having no money and then suddenly splurge on a new car.  I expected my bridesmaids to think about the financial committment before accepting my invitation to be in my wedding.  it becomes very frustrating when girls whine about the costs associated with being a bridesmaid and seem to forget about what an honor it is to be a part of such a special day. 

hcbrowne

Coming from someone who has been a bridesmaid three times; being a bridesmaid IS a pain in the ass no matter how much you love your best friends or are excited for their wedding. My two best friends got married within 2 months of each other--I spent over 800$'s between the two of them and I didn't have to do any traveling! It sucked, I'm sure I complained to someone or came across sometimes as not very happy about it (especially b/c we were all quite young & uh...who has that much cash at 21-22 yrs old?!)...in fact I'm still disgruntled about it (ha) BUT it didn't change how happy I was to be their bridesmaid or how happy I was on each of their wedding days.

If I were you, I'd be a little more sympathetic. The world doesn't revolve around you--cars are an investment weddings are not. I'm sure she truly wants to be one of your bridesmaids, will be there, and cares about you as a friend. It doesn't change the fact that being in your wedding is a pain in the ass. Deal with it.

LuluP82

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_annoying-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f0d4e5c6-0af0-4a27-8206-4919d6051278Post:4f62671a-742a-4165-b157-f2cde1dfea22">Re: Annoying Bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm not too worried that she'd RSVP no, but I am concerned that she'll tell me at the very last minute that she can't come. I've already switched to much cheaper BM dresses, plan on getting them jewelry as a gift to wear the day of, and don't mind at all if the girls do their own hair and makeup. Alterations come with the dresses, thankfully. I just feel like I've done a lot to help make it easier on her but it's not good enough for her.
Posted by JohnandKatrina2011[/QUOTE]

You haven't really done anything out of the ordinary to make it easier on her, no offense.

Being a bridesmaid is expensive, and you're basically doing things that you wouldn't normally do to make someone else's day special. Is it an honor? Sure. Is it a pain? Of course.

Asking someone to fly, pay for accomodations, and take vacation is a lot, and you should recognize that. You bought them some jewelry and are "allowing" them to do their own hair and makeup, and "allowing" them to wear something in their budgets, and you think that's doing them a huge favor? Please.

Maybe I just have super nice friends...but I've never had a friend ask me to do hair and makeup for a wedding, or make me buy special jewelry for it, either. I've had my hair and makeup done and worn speical matching jewelry, but the bride provided both of those to us if they wanted it to happen.

Going out of your way to make things easier on a bridesmaid who's told you she's cash strapped would be to offer to help her pay for the ticket or something like that. Not buying her jewelry that you want her to wear.

PeonyPrincesskdd

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_annoying-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f0d4e5c6-0af0-4a27-8206-4919d6051278Post:9c2fb4be-6ff1-48d7-8697-94f30e52b845">Annoying Bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok so one of my bridesmaids has been quite irritating and whiney since I asked her to be in the wedding. She lives on the other side of the country from me and has complained about everything, the price of the plane ticket, how much time she'll have to take off work to come out, the price of the BM dress... EVERYTHING! <strong>
Hey you need to be a better friend instead of complaining here on the internet about how annoying your bridesmaid is being.  She is still your friend so your basically saying she is a crappy friend.  Maybe you need to understand your friend and listen to her vents and stop getting annoyed with her. 

Be a real friend and don't let the bride card make you feel entitled and bridezilla on her.  Why don't you appreciate a friend who agreed to be in your wedding and take time off work and purchase a plane ticket to be at your wedding.   Knowing your wedding is a plane ride away, why not make things easier on her and cut her some slack.</strong>


The thing is, she and I have been friends for 10 or so years so I'd really like to have her in the wedding, or so I thought. At this point I'm getting tired of her complaining about how expensive my wedding will be for her...
 
<strong>Suck it up.  A real friend wouldn't get tired of hearing their friend confide with them with their frustrations (or want to kick them out of the wedding party because of it).  Your friend is just venting and maybe needs someone to talk.  Listen to how you sound.  Why not say some reassuring things to her or make some compromises on her behalf.
</strong>
especially when my fiance and I are paying for the majority of it on our own and she JUST bought a new car, after all the complaining.
 
<strong>Woah there.  You can't dictate how she spends her money.  She needed a new car.  I think that's pretty important.  It's also none of your business.  Sorry, she's not gonna hold off on the car until after your wedding.  Everyones lives and plans and purchases cannot go on hold just because you are getting married.  She can spend her money how she feels fit, and here you are thinking that all her pretty pennies should all be spent on you.
</strong>
I'd really like to have friends in the wedding who are happy for us during such an exciting time in our lives but I don't want to lose her as a friend over this by asking her not to be in the wedding now.

<strong>You must be new here because it is completely unacceptable to kick someone out of your wedding party.  If you do so, you will be deemed a bridezilla and a really bad friend.  You will lose your friendship over a petty thing such as being annoyed at your bridemaid because she spends her money on a car and not on you.  You need to grow up and stop acting like a 5 year old who says "You broke my dolls head off, we are no longer friends anymore".  By kicking her out of your wedding party over petty stuff you are basically doing the same thing. 
</strong> 
I have no idea what to do but have friends more than willing to step in to her shoes. Ideas? Suggestions?

<strong>You sound like a selfish little troll.  Oh really, you have better friends who are more than willing to step in?? What a friend you are.  You must be such a good friend who understands and symphasizes with her</strong> <strong>friends.  You are probably better off with no one in your bridal party.
Your probably throwing too many demands on her and she is getting a little overwhelmed with your bridezilla antics.
</strong>
<strong>Your wedding is also like 11 months away!  You shouldn't have even asked anyone to be in your wedding party until at least the Fall around Oct or so.  And you shouldn't be picking out dresses this far out.  Styles change, colors get discontinued and you will be back at square one picking out a new dress 6 months before the wedding when your supposed to be doing it in the first place.  Your doing things WAY too early and your probably wearing out your bridesmaids too early in the game.</strong> 


Posted by JohnandKatrina2011[/QUOTE]

mica178

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_annoying-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f0d4e5c6-0af0-4a27-8206-4919d6051278Post:92e707e3-a069-4017-86b5-8eb6c4418eb7">Re: Annoying Bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Annoying Bridesmaid : I understand your frustration.  Don't whine about having no money and then suddenly splurge on a new car.  I expected my bridesmaids to think about the financial committment before accepting my invitation to be in my wedding.  it becomes very frustrating when girls whine about the costs associated with being a bridesmaid and seem to forget about what an honor it is to be a part of such a special day. 
Posted by aral2003[/QUOTE]


Umm.... yes, bridesmaids should know that it's expensive to be part of a wedding party, but you should take their financial situations into consideration when making your plans too. 

Between this and your post on your FI's ex-GM's wife, you sort of suck.

aral2003

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_annoying-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f0d4e5c6-0af0-4a27-8206-4919d6051278Post:b69e7f73-62dd-4349-a775-867a1cd79403">Re: Annoying Bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Annoying Bridesmaid : Umm.... yes, bridesmaids should know that it's expensive to be part of a wedding party, but you should take their financial situations into consideration when making your plans too. 
Posted by mica178[/QUOTE]

I agree that the bride should take into consideration bridesmaids' financial situations.  If a bride knows that the girls have limited financial resources, dont expect them to buy a $300 bridesmaids dress, don't expect them to throw you a lavish shower, and dont expect to go to Vegas for the bachelorette party.  However, it's not fair to the bride to frequently whine about normal expenses when the bridesmaid should have known ahead of time that being a bridesmaid is expensive.  The bride has enough to worry about regarding wedding plans and the bridesmaids should not add anymore stress. 

superjules916

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_annoying-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f0d4e5c6-0af0-4a27-8206-4919d6051278Post:b69e7f73-62dd-4349-a775-867a1cd79403">Re: Annoying Bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Annoying Bridesmaid : Between this and your post on your FI's ex-GM's wife, you sort of suck.
Posted by mica178[/QUOTE]

A. This.
B. Her need for drama is slightly alluring...

PeonyPrincesskdd

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_annoying-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f0d4e5c6-0af0-4a27-8206-4919d6051278Post:7cb6c138-6dda-420f-99ea-045edbd8df84">Re: Annoying Bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Annoying Bridesmaid : I agree that the bride should take into consideration bridesmaids' financial situations.  If a bride knows that the girls have limited financial resources, dont expect them to buy a $300 bridesmaids dress, don't expect them to throw you a lavish shower, and dont expect to go to Vegas for the bachelorette party.  However, it's not fair to the bride to frequently whine about normal expenses when the bridesmaid should have known ahead of time that being a bridesmaid is expensive. <strong> The bride has enough to worry about regarding wedding plans and the bridesmaids should not add anymore stress. 
</strong>Posted by aral2003[/QUOTE]

If the bride were a real friend, she wouldn't take her bridesmaids venting or expressions of frustration as "whining and annoying".  She would listen to her friend as a friend and not a bride.  She would not consider it to be added "stress". 
She would be a friend and understand her friends situation.  The bm has a lot of time to save up.  The wedding is a YEAR away.  A real friend would say, "I understand your saving up and it can be financially tough right now so I understand if you want to wait until later to order dresses.. etc.

Saying it's not fair to the bride that the bridesmaid is venting to her is real immature.  Oh "it's not fair" blah blah blah.  Really.  Handle yourself.  And be a good friend

aral2003

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_annoying-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f0d4e5c6-0af0-4a27-8206-4919d6051278Post:fdb003f2-5b66-4b0d-ac2b-fd729616374f">Re: Annoying Bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Annoying Bridesmaid : If the bride were a real friend, she wouldn't take her bridesmaids venting or expressions of frustration as "whining and annoying".  She would listen to her friend as a friend and not a bride.  She would not consider it to be added "stress".  She would be a friend and understand her friends situation.  The bm has a lot of time to save up.  The wedding is a YEAR away.  A real friend would say, "I understand your saving up and it can be financially tough right now so I understand if you want to wait until later to order dresses.. etc. Saying it's not fair to the bride that the bridesmaid is venting to her is real immature.  Oh "it's not fair" blah blah blah.  Really.  Handle yourself.  And be a good friend
Posted by PeonyPrincesskdd[/QUOTE]

I completely agree that both parties need to listen to each other and be understanding.  I do not agree that asking a bridesmaid to step down so someone else can step in is the answer.  Definitely not. 

I have been in several weddings and what always bothers me, even as a bridesmaid, is when all the girls start to complain about how expensive everything is when it should not come as a surprise that there are significant expenses associated with being a bridesmaid.  Then I always feel bad for the bride because usually brides are good about being cognizant of the bridesmaids' financial situations.  I have been in wedding parties where the bride has allowed the girls to pick out their own dresses, do their own hair and make-up, wear whatever shoes they want, and not expect a fancy shower, yet the bridesmaids still complain.  In those situations, I do not think it is fair to the bride.

PeonyPrincesskdd

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_annoying-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f0d4e5c6-0af0-4a27-8206-4919d6051278Post:21c28efa-6d0a-4334-adc0-bbf1e2a54a98">Re: Annoying Bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Annoying Bridesmaid : I completely agree that both parties need to listen to each other and be understanding.  I do not agree that asking a bridesmaid to step down so someone else can step in is the answer.  Definitely not.  I have been in several weddings and<strong> what always bothers me, even as a bridesmaid, is when all the girls start to complain about how expensive everything is when it should not come as a surprise that there are significant expenses associated with being a bridesmaid.</strong>  Then I always feel bad for the bride because usually brides are good about being cognizant of the bridesmaids' financial situations.  I have been in wedding parties where the bride has allowed the girls to pick out their own dresses, do their own hair and make-up, wear whatever shoes they want, and not expect a fancy shower, yet the bridesmaids still complain.  In those situations, I do not think it is fair to the bride.
Posted by aral2003[/QUOTE]

What I am saying is that the bridesmaids still have a year away.  There is plenty of time to save up and they shouldn't be spending any money for the weddng now.  Why would the bridesmaid be complaining about finances now unless maybe the bride is hinting that they need to order dresses NOW or get their shoes NOW or something else.  It's a year away.

Also, I still don't think it was right for you to say "Oh it's unfair for the bridesmaid to complain.  It's only putting more stress on the bride"... umm hello what stress would anyone have a year from there wedding??  If a bride is feeling stressed with her wedding planning this early in the game, she is doing something wrong or causing more stress onto herself that is not necessary.

At this stage in the game, she should be focused on a venue, ceremony location and maybe looking into photographers.  She shouldn't even have picked out a dress this early in her planning.  Dresses go out of style and get discontinued so it was unwise to choose a dress now.  She should not even be talking about dress or wedding planning or anything a year out from the wedding to her bridesmaids unless her bridesmaid ask or want to know.  She needs to focus on her FI right now, who is also getting married too.

What do you mean that "it should not have come as a surprise that there are significant expenses associate with being a bridesmaid"??

All they need to do is purchase a dress and that is it.  That is all that is required.  They don't need certain jewelry or shoes or professional make up or hair.. they don't need to spend lavishly on a shower, they do not have to throw a bachelorette... Ask anyone, that all they need to do is purchase a dres roughly 3 months from the wedding at max and show up to the wedding.

There are no "SIGNIFICANT" expenses associated with being a bridesmaid.  You are reading too many magazines and watching too many wedding shows and have been brain washed by the wedding industry that you need to have bridesmaids spent significant sums of money in order to be in the wedding party

aral2003

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_annoying-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f0d4e5c6-0af0-4a27-8206-4919d6051278Post:fd169134-7c24-4b39-9e96-cdf707cef586">Re: Annoying Bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Annoying Bridesmaid : What do you mean that "it should not have come as a surprise that there are significant expenses associate with being a bridesmaid"?? All they need to do is purchase a dress and that is it.  That is all that is required.  Posted by PeonyPrincesskdd[/QUOTE]

You are forgetting about the bridal shower, bachelorette party, shower gift, wedding gift, travel expenses, hotel room, maybe hair and make-up.  Everything adds up fast!

PeonyPrincesskdd

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_annoying-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f0d4e5c6-0af0-4a27-8206-4919d6051278Post:86947876-a0b6-487f-ba08-0de94be592b5">Re: Annoying Bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Annoying Bridesmaid : You are forgetting about the bridal shower, bachelorette party, shower gift, wedding gift, travel expenses, hotel room, maybe hair and make-up.  Everything adds up fast!
Posted by aral2003[/QUOTE]

Sorry to break it to you, but the bridal shower and bachelorette party are not required for a bridal party member to attend.  As for a shower gift, she can mail you a gift card.  All pre-wedding parties and events are optional and not required.  All she needs to do is attend the rehearsal dinner and wedding and she has fullfulled all her duties.  Also, she can do her own hair and makeup.  She is also NOT required to spend money on that either.  If you require that of her, then it is your job as the bride to pay for it. 

aral2003

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_annoying-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f0d4e5c6-0af0-4a27-8206-4919d6051278Post:9a5b4268-3f9a-409f-a0b4-5924fda598c4">Re: Annoying Bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Annoying Bridesmaid : Sorry to break it to you, but the bridal shower and bachelorette party are not required for a bridal party member to attend.  As for a shower gift, she can mail you a gift card.  All pre-wedding parties and events are optional and not required.  All she needs to do is attend the rehearsal dinner and wedding and she has fullfulled all her duties.  Also, she can do her own hair and makeup.  She is also NOT required to spend money on that either.  If you require that of her, then it is your job as the bride to pay for it. 
Posted by PeonyPrincesskdd[/QUOTE]

Wow, I have never heard of a bridesmaid not throwing a shower and bachelorette party for the bride.  Every wedding party I have been in ,and from what my friends have told me, the bridesmaids always throw the bride her shower and bachelorette party.   Also, I gave my girls the option of having hair and make-up done and everyone requested it.  I would never require it, but giving them the option is nice. 

PeonyPrincesskdd

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_annoying-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f0d4e5c6-0af0-4a27-8206-4919d6051278Post:153bfcda-86d8-41af-b536-c3139e729224">Re: Annoying Bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Annoying Bridesmaid : <strong>Wow, I have never heard of a bridesmaid not throwing a shower and bachelorette party for the bride.  </strong>Every wedding party I have been in ,and from what my friends have told me, the bridesmaids always throw the bride her shower and bachelorette party.   Also, I gave my girls the option of having hair and make-up done and everyone requested it.  I would never require it, but giving them the option is nice. 
Posted by aral2003[/QUOTE]

Well I have never heard of a bridesmaid throwing a shower for the bride.  Maybe I've heard of it, but what I mean is that I never went to a shower where it was hosted by the bridesmaids.  The mother and/or Mother of the groom have held the showers that I went to.. and also the future showers that will attending next year will be hosted by the mother.  FI sisters wedding was hosted by her mother, my own shower was hosted by the mothers and my friends wedding next year will be hosted by her mother.

Anyone can throw a shower for the bride.  It doesn't have to be the bridesmaids or MOH.  It can be the mothers, an aunt, a cousin, a sibling, a non-wedding party friend, a co-worker, a neighbor.. just about anyone.