uninviting?!?!

heg415

I am planning a small ceremony on thanksgiving day at our family ranch, and I would really like my cousin to officiate, but that would mean bringing his soon-to-be fiancée with. Flying them out and getting them a hotel room, and rental car would be right around $1000. Would it be rude to ask him to come with out her? For the ceremony it will be my mother (father passed away), my grandmother, brothers, sister-in-law, niece, and then my fiance e's mom, step-mom, dad, and brothers in sister. It is very small since we will be having a big reception next summer after we save money. So is it rude to invite my cousin but not his soon-to-be fiancée?

brookelynpaisley

Yes, it would be rude to exclude her, as she's the significant other of a member of your family. As they're a social unit, it's rude to split them up anyway. Not to mention, you're asking someone (your cousin) to travel without his significant other. So double rude. And be prepared, you may get flamed for your little "get married now, throw a big party later" approach to your wedding.

opalsky007

Yes, it would be rude to invite anyone in a long-term relationship without their SO, but especially your family member and officiant.

I'm a little confused by the whole reception thing as well. Why not just have a small wedding and reception and leave it at that?

squirrly

Yes, she must be invited.  You do not have to pay for her ticket, though.  Or anyone else's, actually.

surf&turfcouple

Since she'd going to be a part of your family, you should invite her.  I don't think you have to pay her way though, at all.  You can pay for your cousin's ticket since in a way you're "hiring" him for the wedding not really inviting him.  Also, I don't think you need to pay for their hotel and rental either.  If your cousin agrees to be the officiant, he will probably understand there will be costs.

Birdie1483

On top of all of the other reasons why you should invite his SO, you plan on having your ceremony on a holiday. If you didn't invite her, you would essentially be excluding her from a family function on a holiday = very not good.

Snippylynn

Well, put it this way.  How would YOU feel if your FI was invited to officiate/participate in a family members wedding and you were told you couldn't attend?  I defy you, or anyone, for that matter, to say you would be fine.  You wouldn't.  Not to mention, the rest of your family would side-eye it as well. 

You don't have to pay for her ticket, nor do you have to pay for his.  It's nice if you can, but obviously, you can't, so I don't know why you're worrying about it.  Just invite them both and let them figure it out.

lyndausvi

So let me get this right, you think it's appropriate to have a Thanksgiving Day wedding and not invite the FI of your officant basically making them not spend a holiday together? Oh and the officant is a family member?

Really?  Think about how ridiculous that sounds.   I can't think of a reason why your cousin would even want to be the officant if he can't at  spend the holiday with his future wife.

I do agree you do not have to pay for her ticket.