"You're not invited to my wedding...."

chrmun

There is a couple that is in our extended social group.  One of the guys, Larry, is somebody that I've been friendly with for about 10 years.  His partner, Jack, is a bag of diicks.  He's one of those snarky guys that always has something "funny" to say.  I hate him.  I've known him for maybe 15 years and everytime I see him, he says something offensive, then laughs at his own "joke".  I've tried harnessing my mind powers to explode his heart, but so far it hasn't worked.
Anyway, these guys are in the same social circle as a lot of the people that are being invited to the wedding, but they will not be.  The problem is that the one guy that I actually like keeps asking questions about the wedding.  I've tried bean-dipping him, but he's persistent.  How do I tell him that his douche of a husband is keeping him off the guestlist? 

Short version:  Jack is a diick.

baystateapple

Eeek.

We had this same issue.  Friend of H's is awesome, his BF is a toolbucket.  We ended up inviting them because we liked H's friend enough to invite them.

There IS no polite way to say this, unfortunately.  He'll get the idea when he doesn't get an invitation, and hopefully his feelings won't be hurt.

laurenclaire1386

My MOH's mom wasn't invited to my wedding (she showed up anyway, which is neither here nor there), and when my MOH talked about it, I never outright said she was invited, or wasn't invited, for that matter. But the biitch didn't get an invitation. I'd just try to be as vague as possible, avoid saying that they ARE invited, and if the social situation dictates that you must insinuate that they're invited, then so be it. This is bad advice, but it's what I did, and what I'd do again. 

chrmun

Think like a clear plastic bag full of vienna sausages.

Also, if it helps, he laughs like the male version of Kenley from Project Runway.  Also, he's a doctor and begins many sentences with the words, "As a physician..."

sarabellam

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_youre-not-invited-to-my-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f1552fc9-9e09-44fc-97d3-99feee793e04Post:dae7081f-6d4f-4196-8b9a-060b955aed8f">Re: "You're not invited to my wedding...."</a>:
[QUOTE]I have no idea if there is a nice way to word that. But I have a completely unimportant question. When one says 'a bag of diicks' what is the visual for that? For some reason I a bakery bag of them like they are baguettes.<strong> I believe I may be alone in this.
</strong>Posted by lovethebeach16[/QUOTE]

No, you are not alone in this. Charmin, I think right now you have to weigh your options; is it more important to you both to include your friend or exclude the bag o' diicks?

raes19

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_youre-not-invited-to-my-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f1552fc9-9e09-44fc-97d3-99feee793e04Post:63129d28-3c0c-4556-9eee-6c8328e04cd5">Re: "You're not invited to my wedding...."</a>:
[QUOTE]Think like a clear plastic bag full of vienna sausages. Also, if it helps, he laughs like the male version of Kenley from Project Runway.  Also, he's a doctor and begins many sentences with the words, <strong>"As a physician..."
</strong>Posted by chrmun[/QUOTE]

That alone is enough reason to punch him in the face. I can't stand when people are all arrogant about their jobs like that.

wrigleyville

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_youre-not-invited-to-my-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f1552fc9-9e09-44fc-97d3-99feee793e04Post:23c8123f-fbb0-49be-b351-f9f3f3e547a9">Re: "You're not invited to my wedding...."</a>:
[QUOTE]I might be inclined to invite them just to avoid hurting the nice guy's feelings.  I'm a sissy.
Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]
I'm with Eagles. One of my friends is married to a guy who is a total jerk. I can't stand to be around him, so I try to minimize my contact with him and focus on her. I'm polite to him, but I don't go out of my way to be chummy.

Anyway, I really want her to come to my wedding, so I'm just going to shove my contempt for him way down where I can hopefully ignore it. I figure I'll be busy talking to everyone else and can try to avoid him (after thanking him for coming, of course). If he's being a buffoon around other guests, it will only reflect badly on him.

I'm sorry this guy is a tool. :( It's too bad your friend can't see it.

sarabellam

Andplusalso, Larry and Jack are a LOVELY couple I go to church with every Sunday. Jack may be a bit of drama queen at times, but he's certainly no bag o' diicks.

Carla1019

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_youre-not-invited-to-my-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f1552fc9-9e09-44fc-97d3-99feee793e04Post:64830630-7ea8-405d-9e25-845f96dfbd0b">"You're not invited to my wedding...."</a>:
[QUOTE]There is a couple that is in our extended social group.  One of the guys, Larry, is somebody that I've been friendly with for about 10 years.  His partner, Jack, is a bag of diicks.  He's one of those snarky guys that always has something "funny" to say.  I hate him.  I've known him for maybe 15 years and everytime I see him, he says something offensive, then laughs at his own "joke". <strong> I've tried harnessing my mind powers to explode his heart, but so far it hasn't worked</strong>. Anyway, these guys are in the same social circle as a lot of the people that are being invited to the wedding, but they will not be.  The problem is that the one guy that I actually like keeps asking questions about the wedding.  I've tried bean-dipping him, but he's persistent.  How do I tell him that his douche of a husband is keeping him off the guestlist?  Short version:  Jack is a diick.
Posted by chrmun[/QUOTE]


This made me laugh!

tpender13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_youre-not-invited-to-my-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f1552fc9-9e09-44fc-97d3-99feee793e04Post:63129d28-3c0c-4556-9eee-6c8328e04cd5">Re: "You're not invited to my wedding...."</a>:
[QUOTE]Also, if it helps, he laughs like the male version of Kenley from Project Runway.  Also, he's a doctor and begins many sentences with the words, "As a physician..."
Posted by chrmun[/QUOTE]

Barf! I hate Kenley. This guy sounds like a pretentious douchecanoe. I don't know what I'd do in your shoes, but I just wanted to say that I feel for you.

Mrs.B6302007

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_youre-not-invited-to-my-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f1552fc9-9e09-44fc-97d3-99feee793e04Post:64830630-7ea8-405d-9e25-845f96dfbd0b">"You're not invited to my wedding...."</a>:
[QUOTE]There is a couple that is in our extended social group.  One of the guys, Larry, is somebody that I've been friendly with for about 10 years.  His partner, Jack, is a bag of diicks.  He's one of those snarky guys that always has something "funny" to say.  I hate him.  I've known him for maybe 15 years and everytime I see him, he says something offensive, then laughs at his own "joke".  I've tried harnessing my mind powers to explode his heart, but so far it hasn't worked. Anyway, these guys are in the same social circle as a lot of the people that are being invited to the wedding, but they will not be.  The problem is that the one guy that I actually like keeps asking questions about the wedding.  I've tried bean-dipping him, but he's persistent.  How do I tell him that his douche of a husband is keeping him off the guestlist?  Short version:  Jack is a diick.
Posted by chrmun[/QUOTE]

Jack be nimble,
Jack be quick,
Jack you are a bag o' d---s.

=-D

shadowkat08

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_youre-not-invited-to-my-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f1552fc9-9e09-44fc-97d3-99feee793e04Post:64830630-7ea8-405d-9e25-845f96dfbd0b">"You're not invited to my wedding...."</a>:
[QUOTE]There is a couple that is in our extended social group.  One of the guys, Larry, is somebody that I've been friendly with for about 10 years.  His partner, Jack, is a bag of diicks.  He's one of those snarky guys that always has something "funny" to say.  I hate him.  I've known him for maybe 15 years and everytime I see him, he says something offensive, then laughs at his own "joke". <strong> I've tried harnessing my mind powers to explode his heart, but so far it hasn't worked.</strong> Anyway, these guys are in the same social circle as a lot of the people that are being invited to the wedding, but they will not be.  The problem is that the one guy that I actually like keeps asking questions about the wedding.  I've tried bean-dipping him, but he's persistent.  How do I tell him that his douche of a husband is keeping him off the guestlist?  Short version:  Jack is a diick.
Posted by chrmun[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I think you're going about this the wrong way. It sounds like he doesn't have a heart to start with, so... Maybe try going for his lungs next time?</div><div>
</div><div>Good luck!

</div>

mica178

You need to learn Uma's trick from Kill Bill 2.

I couldn't invite my MOH's mother to the wedding because MOH's stepfather is worse than pondscum.  I skirted the topic for the entire engagement period, let it slip to MOH that we had to make tough decisions about the guestlist, and let everyone figure things out once the invitations went out.  If MOH had asked point-blank why her mother wasn't invited, I would have told her, "I like your mother, but there's no way in hell I'm looking at your stepfather's face on my wedding day.  Sorry."  Luckily, MOH never asked, so we didn't have to go through that unpleasantness.  MOH already knows that I hate her stepfather.

mica178

saccus e phalli.  :P

mica178

I love you too, Eagles.

mbody

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_youre-not-invited-to-my-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f1552fc9-9e09-44fc-97d3-99feee793e04Post:63129d28-3c0c-4556-9eee-6c8328e04cd5">Re: "You're not invited to my wedding...."</a>:
[QUOTE]Think like a clear plastic bag full of vienna sausages. Also, if it helps, he laughs like the male version of Kenley from Project Runway.  Also, he's a doctor and begins many sentences with the words, <strong>"As a physician..."</strong>
Posted by chrmun[/QUOTE]
That's a totally bag of diicks thing to say.

Which would you rather have...
include your friend?
or not include diick bag guy?

I'd probably just include the couple because I'd rather have  my friend there.

sbelle85

This is a situation where I would probably just have a very honest chat with Larry and tell him that I really want him to be at the wedding, but I strongly dislike Jack and do not want him there. Then I would see where the conversation went from there.

If these are people in your circle, it's going to get back to Larry that he and Jack aren't invited, and he'll probably also hear why. I'm trying to put myself in Larry's shoes, and I just feel like that's the type of thing I'd rather hear directly from the source. I would be a lot more hurt, confused, and offended if I was just the only one in our social circle not to receive an invitation and I didn't really understand why than if I was directly told, "I really want you there, but here's my dilemma..."

Lizzieyounce

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_youre-not-invited-to-my-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f1552fc9-9e09-44fc-97d3-99feee793e04Post:dae7081f-6d4f-4196-8b9a-060b955aed8f">Re: "You're not invited to my wedding...."</a>:
[QUOTE]I have no idea if there is a nice way to word that. But I have a completely unimportant question. When one says 'a bag of diicks' what is the visual for that? For some reason I a bakery bag of them like they are baguettes. I believe I may be alone in this.
Posted by lovethebeach16[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Nope, I got the same visual. Followed by a pillowcase filled with diicks.

</div>

Lizzieyounce

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_youre-not-invited-to-my-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f1552fc9-9e09-44fc-97d3-99feee793e04Post:63129d28-3c0c-4556-9eee-6c8328e04cd5">Re: "You're not invited to my wedding...."</a>:
[QUOTE]Think like a clear plastic bag full of vienna sausages. Also, if it helps, he laughs like the male version of Kenley from Project Runway.  <strong>Also, he's a doctor and begins many sentences with the words, "As a physician..."</strong>
Posted by chrmun[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>
</div><div>Hate that pompous crap...what's the difference between God and a doctor?</div><div>
</div><div>God doesn't think He's a doctor.</div><div>
</div>

mdeidre

Since you're so close to Larry and have known him for so long, I would just be honest with him on this one.  He would probably be incredibly hurt to get no invitation and no word as to why.  Let him know that you really want him there, but you really don't want Jack there and why (a little more diplomatically than you have with us, lol) and just hope he takes it well.  This is probably NOT the first time he's heard something like this.

On another note, I wouldn't think of a bag of diicks as being a bad thing.  Sounds like the key to an interesting evening, but then I've been celibate for a long time.  Sigh...  I was picturing a burlap sack with them spilling out, more like canolis or eclaires without the frosting though.

violet355

when one of my circle of friends got married a couple years ago, i ended up not being invited.  i was mildly offended, but it wasn't a big deal, and i got over it.  if you don't invite this friend because you don't want dr. bag-o-diicks there don't stress about it.  people realize you can't invite everyone.  it happens. 

it also made it easy that i don't feel the need to invite them to my wedding.

Neweclipse6

Love the bag of baguettes referance...just giggled!

Vanessa Evans

At least you are being polite enough to not invite your friend as well sans his hubby!  Thank you for your show of ettiquite and properness.  My FI step-sister is getting married and his step sister had the audacity to invite my FI but not me.  His SM (StepMother) is saying that this is totally her call since she's paying for her wedding (I've known her for 9 years, I live with my FI, and his SS (StepSister) is one of my FB freinds) so I'm completely offended.  They are also using the excuse that since it's in Palm Springs and we're here in OC (2 hours away) it requires a hotel room and she has my FI bunking with his brother and SB (StepBrother).  Um, we're staying at my mom's timeshare and FI is leaving after the cake cutting because I think that he should show - him not attending is going to cause more drama but him leaving after the cake cutting sends a very powerful message.  As far as I know, he hasn't even received an inviation.  This wedding is so whacked, lol.