Am I the only one who lives in a wedding etiquette vacuum??

sweetcanadian1979

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_am-only-one-lives-wedding-ettiquette-vacuum?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f1d65b08-b0f0-46b2-8fad-258e17c4e3d1Post:177ae63a-7c87-4c3a-a2ee-2a79fe0d4a42">Re: Am I the only one who lives in a wedding etiquette vacuum??</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh and the jewelry as present story I have is pretty annoying -- our gift for the wedding I'm in in November is a cross necklace her aunt is making for all the BMs. And then, how kind!, we each get to select an additional ribbon color so that we can wear the cross again later with our favorite color. Did I mention I'm an atheist? What am I supposed to do w a cross?
Posted by aragx6[/QUOTE]

<div>No other gifts? Wow just wow, my girls will be spoiled, they have put time/money/effort into our wedding and will be treated as such. </div><div>
</div><div>Open bars are NOT common where i live, the ONLY people that have open bars are the ones who's parents pay for them. Unfortunately i do not have that luxery, both sets of parents live paycheck to paycheck, as do we. </div><div>Cash bars are expected, no one thinks twice about it. I have gone to weddings where it was $4 a drink and $2 for pop and that i thought was a bit much.</div><div>We will host the cocktail hour and water/pop/juice will be free all night with drinks being $2. </div><div>My family & friends would be INSULTED and OFFENDED if we chose to cut our guest list from 300++ down to 100 to host an open bar, we both have HUGE families that are close, it would be impossible, they would rather pay $2 a drink and think nothing of it and have a good time then to not be invited because we couldn't afford the 10k tab for alcohol. </div><div>
</div><div>We also have to have a gap but i did as late as possible in the day as to not have a huge one. We can not get married in the catholic church later than 4pm because of saturday evening service. There is a bar in town though if people want to go have a drink while waiting, most will stand around talking for an hour, the hall will also be open (just no alcohol till 5:30) if people want to go wait on cocktail hour. </div><div>
</div><div>Tiered receptions are tacky, i can not figure out why people even bother with them.</div><div>
</div><div>I have learned a lot from tk that i did not know before, i will definately be taking some major advice (what to include on the invite etc) presentation only is common around here but knowing how rude it is now i would never tell someone what they could/couldn't bring me. </div>

blward2

No, you're definitely not the only one. I'm getting married in a little over a month and I'm still completely clueless. 

pigleta18

You were probably reading my thread on tiered receptions!

I have been to a mix of cash bar and open bar weddings. Of course it stinks when you have to pay for your own liquior, but of course it has never stopped me from drinking at a wedding! I just think too many people don't realize that you can only afford what you can afford. Yes, you want a amazing reception, but you just can't afford the thousands of dollars for a cash bar. So either your guests drink soda and water or they shell out a few bucks and buy a beer. I guess I see it as "it is what it is". I know I'm probably going to get a lot of flack on this board about that statement. Of course I would want to let my guests drink for free all night, but I also know I'd rather save some money on my wedding and put it towards our new home and needing a new car rather than going in debt for my wedding and living out of a cardboard box and riding a bike to work.

As far as a tiered receptions go, I think they are a faux pas but then again where I live (south of Chicago), they are pretty common. I just attended a wedding where the B and G had 3 different invites go out... one for ceremony/reception, one for just reception and one for cake and dancing. My FI wants to invite guys from his work but we just can't afford to feed everyone, so he thought inviting them to the "party part" of the night would be ok. I basically got murdered on the boards for even POSTING the suggestion about a tiered reception! Good luck with whatever you decide, and remember... it's YOU TWOs wedding, not anyone elses!

amyderrah

Etiquette is established by a communityso that people can have a set of rules to follow to ensure they are polite and kind to each other.

Your friends and family are attending your wedding, not Emily Post or Miss Manners.

This!  It's all about your area and finding out what people are expecting and what they would appreciate.  Ask around your family to see what they found was "Rude" or nice at weddings.  Etiquette is such a cultural thing and one country doesn't imply one standard list of do's and dont's.

I never thought of etiquette before planing my own wedding, but I was concerned about my guests having a great time.  I think that as long as you know the do's and dont's of your area and you want guests to enjoy themselves, you'll be fine.  An extreme example of this; I'm living in Japan now.  They have very different traditions and almost everything they do at a wedding would be seen as "Rude" by some people on here.  Guests pay for their dinner, split the cost of the (3) venues, and pay for alcohol, AND their favors (Which they pick out of a catalogue).  No one is offended or angry.  What is the difference between this and different regions of a country (though less extreme)?

To answer your questions - I've been to mostly cash bars (but wine at tables and non-alcoholic drinks paid for).  I've been to one open bar; it was seen as quite the extravagant, all-out wedding (there were 4 weddings that month).  I've been to an open bar for 1.5 hours during cocktail "hour", then it switched to cash bar.  No one cared.  So I guess I've been to them all and had a great time at all of them too.

Split Dinner/reception, I've never heard of it.  I think that if it was something low key, or very exclusive, I wouldn't think too much about it.  Like, if just the wedding party and parents went out to a restaurant, before the reception started.  I'd understand that.  If half of the wedding went out to eat somewhere, yes, I'd be really sad that I wasn't chosen to go too. 

sbanksbanks

I must be in the etiquette vacuum! I never thought of it as rude to include registry information in the invitation.  How else are people supposed to find out where you're registered? If it's rude, then having a registry must be rude too.  You're telling people what you want to receive, rather than letting them decide what to get you. (I'm being a little sarcastic here) However, I'm glad when I receive invitations with registry information.  It helps me pick out a gift that I know the couple will use and enjoy.  For my first wedding, we received 3 crock pots! Now what were we supposed to do with all those pots! This time, I'm putting registry information in the invitations, which will include online registry information for the computer-savvy, as well as information for those who still like to shop the old-fashioned way.

As for alcohol, we don't have that to worry about because it will be a dry reception.  There's no way we're going to serve alcohol at our reception. Since when did alcohol become necessary for a reception? Also, the fact that our reception is at the church hall, and my FFIL is pastor of the church made the alcohol issue a no-brainer.  Besides, I'm more than sure our guests would rather have great food and conversation than alcohol at the expense of great food. If they want liquor, go out and buy it themselves.