Do We Pay?

lovestone

Hello,
  My fiance and I have gone back and forth trying to figure out how we want to tie the knot. We dont have alot of money nor do we want to spend alot. We are being practical right now and figured why would we spend all this money on a wedding when we could put it towards a house? So that being said we are saving for a house not a wedding. We decided to just go to the Justice Of the Peace and then dinner after with immediate family. My question is do we pick up the bill? Im generally not a cheap person, but in this case i hate to say it but im trying to be cheap. I want all the money we can save. With both immediate families combined your looking at about 30 people and frankly i dont want to fork over the money to feed other people. Am i in the wrong? Do we pay? or is there a nice, conservative way of say if you choose to come you pay for your dinner?

mags0607

You should pay. End of story.

If you invite people to the wedding, you should host them afterwards.

andy71781

Yes I think you should (must) pay. 

stella218

If you are inviting them out to celebrate your wedding, then yes, you should pay for their dinners.  Could you choose a less expensive restaurant, or possibly have a get-together at your home or your parents' (not sure if you have space at your own place, you mention saving for a house), where you can prepare the food yourselves and save money that way?  It would be rude to ask them to come celebrate with you and then make them pay.

Manwaithiel

Uhhhhhh...yes...you do...

cupcakesfrosting

If you invite, you pay.

Could you do some sort of BBQ or something after? Something that could cut down costs for you and FI?

sarah0725

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/04/alot-is-better-than-you-at-everything.html

Also, yes, you need to pay for anyone you invite to a post-wedding dinner. There are all sorts of ways to do this fairly cheaply.

stella218

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_pay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f3261097-9d9a-45c1-ab53-e89ff80edd8ePost:8825685e-8a78-4da3-8379-7f946a611c58">Re: Do We Pay?</a>:
[QUOTE]<a href="http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/04/alot-is-better-than-you-at-everything.html" rel="nofollow">http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/04/alot-is-better-than-you-at-everything.html</a> [/QUOTE]

Sarah, I heart you for this.  That is all.

[Deleted User]

You most definitely should pay.

KentuckyKate

Yes, you should definitely pay.  Why not limit it to just your actual immediate family?  You said "immediate" but then you also said 30 people.  Immediate family= you, your siblings, and your parents.  Grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins are all your extended family.

brookelynpaisley

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_pay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f3261097-9d9a-45c1-ab53-e89ff80edd8ePost:8825685e-8a78-4da3-8379-7f946a611c58">Re: Do We Pay?</a>:
[QUOTE]<a href="http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/04/alot-is-better-than-you-at-everything.html" rel="nofollow">http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/04/alot-is-better-than-you-at-everything.html</a> Posted by sarah0725[/QUOTE]

Buahahahah!! That was my first thought too!

brookelynpaisley

And also, you pay. You're inviting people to dinner to celebrate your marriage. As hosts, you pay.

TheCranberry

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_pay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f3261097-9d9a-45c1-ab53-e89ff80edd8ePost:8825685e-8a78-4da3-8379-7f946a611c58">Re: Do We Pay?</a>:
[QUOTE]<a href="http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/04/alot-is-better-than-you-at-everything.html" rel="nofollow">http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/04/alot-is-better-than-you-at-everything.html</a>
Posted by sarah0725[/QUOTE]

That is excellent.

I do have to admit that I do the two fingered (one mangled) typing on my phone even though it has a full keyboard.  It's really hard to type full words with my full figured fingers on such a small keyboard.

quotequeen

There is no question whatsoever that you have to pay.

PharmacyBride

You must pay!

There is only one exception I can think of- and that is if someone OFFERS to pay the bill for you (ie. parents).  This must be offered, not solicited.  Definitely do not ask for help and definitely don't have the bill split amongst the guests!!!!

pinkfleurdelys

"looking at about 30 people and frankly i dont want to fork over the money to feed other people."

really?  you don't want to "fork over" money to feed your FAMILY?  with family like you, who needs enemies?!

knowing that this is your opinion i would decline your invitation...of course i'm sure you would be upset that i chose not to be subject to your rudness and not participate in celebrating your marriage...not my chair, not my problem.