Still register for reception only?

mrockwell1

My fiance and I are on a VERY tight budget so we are getting married at the courthouse on a Friday and the next day are having sort of an open house/reception get together with our friends and family in this state.

We are then going to go to his home state and have another small party for his family.

We do not want/expect any gifts but people keep telling us to register.  Is is appropriate to register if no one is going to be at the ceremony except my sister?

squirrly

It's fine.  However - the reception is the expensive part of the wedding, so I'm not sure I understand why you're excluding people from the ceremony?

mrockwell1

I guess I should clarify, these aren't really receptions as they are backyard BBQ's so they will not even come close to the normal costs of a reception.

Calypso1977

i would not let folks pressure you into registering if you dont want to or dont need anything.

however, if there are things you need, then its perfectly acceptable to register.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

You can just get married at a backyard BBQ, you know. And invite everyone to one in one location. But it's your decision.

Anyway, if people are begging you to register, it means they want to buy you a gift to wish you well. So do something small, maybe upgrade a few things.

MISSCOURTNEY20

Yeah, registering is fine. If you don't "need" things, do a fun registry @ BBB and register for stuff that you would not buy for yourselves.

polichik

I'm also confused when people have a private ceremony because of cost. If you prefer to have an intimate ceremony with only your sister present, then great! But the only costs for a ceremony are an officiant, which can be done for $20 at the Universal Life Church website if you have a friend perform the ceremony. And probably renting chairs, which you'd be doing anyway for a backyard BBQ.

But to answer your question, if you don't want to register, you certainly don't have to. Be prepared for some random gifts, but I think you're fine.

yrteems

I don't think it's at all strange to have the ceremony at the courthouse the day before and then invite people to the BBQ. I know from my own experience that it's actually a bit stressful to find a civil officiant to work on your own terms, if that's what you want. We want someone who is unrelated to any religion, and we don't want someone who registered with a random church online. So, we have to find a judge who is willing to come to our ceremony/reception site on a weekend -- this is not easy. 

Anyhow, to answer the original question, I think there's no problem registering for a few things, if you want to. You don't have to 'announce' that you're registered to everyone who is invited. If people ask, tell them. If not, you may end up with some funky vases or cash or nothing, but you seem pretty laid back about it, so that's probably fine. 

hccpsu

One reason we did a private ceremony (just us and our parents) was that to use the church I attend was going to cost $1000 (then we had to add in flowers, programs, musicians, etc).  Plus we had family members that would have felt obligated to attend a ceremony, and we knew they didn't have the money.  We spent the $1000 on a destination wedding, which also meant we didn't need a videographer or an expensive photographer (we had a professional, but since it was only for 2 hours, it was $200), and the B&B we used provided everything else.

We had a reception a month later, and we registered.  Some people are going to want to buy you a gift, so it's nice if they have something to choose from, or even an idea of what store to give a gift card to.