opinions requested - based on post about uninviting co-workers

stumpie3

In Response to Re: Uninviting coworkers after a job loss??:
[QUOTE]If you are inviting them because he is close with them and sees them outside of work, then yes. If he wants to use any of them as references, then yes. Otherwise, I'm not sure why you were planning on inviting them in the first place.
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

this is just a request for opinions on this...my FI and I have debated this a lot and I was just wondering why people thought this.  I work in a small office 16 of us...6 of the people I hang out with outside of work...2 people would be upset if not invited though we don't hang outside work - we do talk personal at work. most people at work know my FI and ask about him usually about sports (he is really into sports).  I just want to invite everyone - to me it is easier and saves me from coming back to work and the potential awkward moment of "how was your wedding" looking like thanks for the invite.  FI does not agree with this...we have enough room and kindof enough money (HAHA) but he just thinks they are not "friends"  - I almost feel like not inviting everyone would be a burn the bridge move or at least start the fire?!  just to note I do consider these people friends - FI says I consider everyone a friend but I am the weird girl that is generally interested in people, their lives, and truely how they are doing. 

just requesting opinions

Loopyseven

There's really no right answer here.  it depends on your relationships with people you work with.  There's no obligation to invite coworkers to your wedding.  I didn't invite any of my coworkers (although I work for a larger company) and just tried to keep the wedding talk to a minimum at work.  And when it did come up - cause people knew I was getting married and would ask how the planning was going - I was pretty vocal about how we were keeping it to friends and family and trying not to let it get too big.  I had a few people ask to see pictures afterwards.  They were genuinely happy for us, invited or not and just interested. 

If you chose to invite some of your co-workers just make sure you don't leave out just one person in a department or something like that.

whitsy

Like Loopy said, it's just kind of a personal decision. At the time of my wedding I worked as a front desk clerk at a small hotel, so I felt weird about inviting only the ones that I talked to outside of work, so I just invited everyone. I didn't want there to be any hurt feelings, so it was just easier to invite everyone. As it turned out, only the ones I was close to came

So maybe the same would work out for you? Just a thought.

Ali092011

FI and I decided early on that we would be inviting several co-workers. We met while working for the same restaurant, and I still work there part-time, and since it's a small group we decided to invite everyone. There were a couple of people from my full-time job I definitely wanted to invite and some I really didn't, and it was the same way for FI. I ended up inviting everyone in my department, as well as my boss and his assistant, but no one from other departments. FI invited his boss and the handful of people he works with directly on a daily basis and sees outside of work. I think that's the key to making this work--invite ONLY the people you are friends with outside of work, your entire department, or everyone, depending on the dynamics of your workplace. It's kind of like setting the limit at first cousins and not inviting distant relatives. Like Loopy said, you don't want to exclude just one person of a six person group. But if there are twenty people in your department and you only consider three of them "friends," just invite those people.

I am of the opinion that if you have decided to invite co-workers, you should really extend an invitation to your boss, even if you're not close or you're sure he or she will decline. Again, though, only you can determine what would work in your situation.

arendiva

I've never been close enough to any coworker that I've wanted to invite them to my wedding. My fiance onthe other hand has friend at work who he has drinks with occassionally. So he's gonna invite his buddies and I'm not. He's not inviting his whole dept, he's not even inviting everyone who goes out for drinks. He's just inviting 3 or 4 that he particularly likes. His boss is not one of them. This may vary from situation to situation but I would think that most people wouldn't expect a wedding invite just because they work with you. I mean that would be like needing to invite everyone from church or everyone from high school.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Since I was the one who wrote that comment, I'll respond.

I didn't invite any of my coworkers. I like several of them. Most of them, actually. We sort of have cliques, so there are people I talk to more than others. Rarely do I even eat lunch with them, though. Many of us eat at our desks. When I can afford the time, I sometimes will go out and grab something and read a book for an hour just to get a breather. My office is fairly open concept, so I can talk to them the rest of the day. The only time we go out together is for a very occassional happy hour or a special event or when someone leaves the company.

I worked in one job where I treated a lot of people as close confidants. And in the end, it bit me in the ass. Don't get me wrong - I still have close friends from that job. But in the end, I should have been more choosy about who I was open with. So, my current opinion, is that friends are friends and coworkers are coworkers. And never the two shall meet. Or something.

If you work in a small office and others have invited everyone to their weddings, you might consider it. Depends on the feel and the relationship of the office. But for me to invite everyone in my office, plus their guests, it would have been 35-40 people, and there were only 68 people at my wedding, in the end. My husband only invited one FORMER coworker, whom he had become good friends with. My coworkers had a small celebration for me before I left and gave me a gift card and picture frame, and some asked to see photos when I came back, but no one was offended they weren't invited.