Wedding Etiquette Forum

joke time!

i'm bored. 

the first person to tell a joke, post a picture, or something that makes me laugh out loud at my desk will get the next mandy poll. 

and a cookie.  cookies are always a must. 

"It's shart week." -georgiabride
"This post is seriously retarded." -Stackeye210
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Miss
Mrs & ZOMG we built a howse!
being healthy. blog.

Re: joke time!

  • I heard LDY is the new poll maker around these parts.  
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  • Hows bouts an Easter joke?

    Three blondes died and are at the pearly gates of heaven. St. Peter tells them that they can enter the gates if they can answer one simple question. St. Peter asks the first blonde, "What is Easter?" The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy! It's the holiday in November when everyone gets together, eats turkey, and are thankful and stuff..." "Wrong!," replies St. Peter, and proceeds to ask the second blonde the same question, "What is Easter?" The second blonde replies, "Easter is the holiday in December when we put up a nice tree, exchange presents, and drink eggnog." St. Peter looks at the second blonde, shakes his head in disgust, tells her she's wrong, and then peers over his glasses at the third blonde and asks, "What is Easter?" The third blonde smiles confidently and looks St. Peter in the eyes, "I know what Easter is." "Oh?" says St. Peter, incredulously. "Easter is the Christian holiday, that coincides with the Jewish celebration of Passover. Jesus and his disciples were eating at the last supper. Then the Romans took him to be crucified and he was stabbed in the side, made to wear a crown of thorns, and was hung on a cross with nails through his hands. He was buried in a nearby cave which was sealed off by a large boulder." St. Peter smiles broadly with delight. Then the third blonde continues, "Every year the boulder is moved aside so that Jesus can come out...and, if he sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter."
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  • This made me laugh so hard I was crying a few minutes ago.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_joke-time?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f467db40-1ebd-47c7-805f-1fa4f1b5b88fPost:60bb9282-ed2c-45c2-baaf-7ba9adefbc62">Re: joke time!</a>:
    [QUOTE]How about this gem from aegrish? Second post: <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bio-3" rel='nofollow'>http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bio-3</a> Or this, a random appearance of TayPrince, hattin on ag: <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_one-day-shoes_.1" rel='nofollow'>http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_one-day-shoes_.1</a>
    Posted by missy68[/QUOTE]

    Man I am so behind on the aegrish jokes.

    This must have happened before I was around, I've always thought she was pretty nice.

    I know she said something about emily's bangs, but if there is more please tell...
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_joke-time?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f467db40-1ebd-47c7-805f-1fa4f1b5b88fPost:80c73d68-26f5-4519-87be-cdfc86ab7724">Re: joke time!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I heard LDY is the new poll maker around these parts.  
    Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

    ha!  that's funny. 

    not funny enough to make me laugh out loud though.  nice try beachy.

    "It's shart week." -georgiabride
    "This post is seriously retarded." -Stackeye210
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    Miss
    Mrs & ZOMG we built a howse!
    being healthy. blog.
  • Q:  What's the difference between a catfish and a MIL?

    A:  One's a scum sucking bottom dweller, and the other one is a fish!


    A woman stopped by unannounced at her recently married son's house.  She rang the doorbell and walked in.  She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked.  Soft music was playing; and the aroma of perfume filled the room.  "What are you doing?" she asked.  "I'm waiting for my husband to come home from work," the daughter-in-law answered.  "But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.  "This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.  "Love dress?  But you're naked!"  " My husband loves me to wear this dress," she explained.  "It excites him to no end.  Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end.  He can't get enough of me."  The mother-in-law left.  When she got home, she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and laid on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive.  Finally, her husband came home.  He walked in and saw her laying there so provocatively.  "What are you doing?" he asked.  "This is my love dress," she whispered, sensually.  "Needs ironing," he said.

    Q:  Why do they bury mothers-in-law 18 feet down, when everyone else is buried 6 feet down?

    A:  Because, deep down, they really are very nice people.

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  • oh my god beach.  i am totally laughing. 

    and fezz, that was a good DYAC. 

    "It's shart week." -georgiabride
    "This post is seriously retarded." -Stackeye210
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    Miss
    Mrs & ZOMG we built a howse!
    being healthy. blog.
  • My dream chariot:
  • Jill, she basically came into every thread giving advice that was completely the opposite of correct etiquette and then standing by her opinion when someone inevitably said "no, you are wrong, this isn't a case of opinion, it's a case of etiquette being right or wrong." And then she threw in that my bangs were out of style and ran back to her club board to make a thread about how she'd just been so mean to the big bad meanies on E. It was overall pretty lame.

    Fezz, that made me laugh too.

    Mandy, I have no jokes. Sorry.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_joke-time?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f467db40-1ebd-47c7-805f-1fa4f1b5b88fPost:d3fd12c7-a44d-48a2-bdc7-d41b258bc8ba">Re: joke time!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Jill, she basically came into every thread giving advice that was completely the opposite of correct etiquette and then standing by her opinion when someone inevitably said "no, you are wrong, this isn't a case of opinion, it's a case of etiquette being right or wrong." And then she threw in that my bangs were out of style and ran back to her club board to make a thread about how she'd just been so mean to the big bad meanies on E. It was overall pretty lame. Fezz, that made me laugh too. Mandy, I have no jokes. Sorry.
    Posted by emilyinchile[/QUOTE]

    HMMM, doesnt' she have bangs?
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    282image Invited to celebrate!
    208image Will be Dancing the night away!
    74image Won't be having any fun
    0image are giving me a major headache

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_joke-time?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f467db40-1ebd-47c7-805f-1fa4f1b5b88fPost:60bb9282-ed2c-45c2-baaf-7ba9adefbc62">Re: joke time!</a>:
    [QUOTE]How about this gem from aegrish? Second post: <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bio-3" rel='nofollow'>http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bio-3</a> <strong>Or this, a random appearance of TayPrince, hattin on ag: <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_one-day-shoes_.1" rel='nofollow'>http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_one-day-shoes_.1</a>
    </strong>Posted by missy68[/QUOTE]

    That made <em>me</em> laugh.
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  • this place is a joke today.  but, beachy wins.  it's settled. 

    my favourite DYAC was the one where a guy texts his friend and says that he "porked his mom's baby in the garage."

    and the friend is like, "Dude, that's sick."

    but he meant parked.  it was a bmw or something.

    "It's shart week." -georgiabride
    "This post is seriously retarded." -Stackeye210
    image
    image
    Miss
    Mrs & ZOMG we built a howse!
    being healthy. blog.
  • In Response to Re: One Day Without Shoes : gUrL yuor hands be ashey get you sum vaseline!  lolololol
    Posted by FutureMrsTayPrince


    It's not ash its sunlight boo. But thanks for worrying about whether I'm properly moisturized or not. How's your PREGLYcy coming along. Still having your pregly WEEding?
    (aghouston)

    FTW.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_joke-time?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f467db40-1ebd-47c7-805f-1fa4f1b5b88fPost:9459348f-5989-41b5-aaf6-75ee56f22c01">Re: joke time!</a>:
    [QUOTE]this place is a joke today.  but, beachy wins.  it's settled.  my favourite DYAC was the one where a guy texts his friend and says that he "porked his mom's baby in the garage." and the friend is like, "Dude, that's sick." but he meant parked.  it was a bmw or something.
    Posted by mandysmear[/QUOTE]

    I am disturbed by the clarity of which you can see that kid's package.  I feel like such a pedophile.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_joke-time?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f467db40-1ebd-47c7-805f-1fa4f1b5b88fPost:7d29e042-0be8-43a0-8167-b5a5dbd08b03">Re: joke time!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: joke time! : HMMM, doesnt' she have bangs?
    Posted by jilld82[/QUOTE]

    Well now she does. It was commented on when it happened.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_joke-time?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f467db40-1ebd-47c7-805f-1fa4f1b5b88fPost:31b4505a-b880-43ac-b44e-1cfd2ee43bd7">Re: joke time!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: joke time! : Well now she does. It was commented on when it happened.
    Posted by emilyinchile[/QUOTE]

    Cool.  Now I'm in the loop.

    Thanks :)
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    282image Invited to celebrate!
    208image Will be Dancing the night away!
    74image Won't be having any fun
    0image are giving me a major headache

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_joke-time?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f467db40-1ebd-47c7-805f-1fa4f1b5b88fPost:583144fe-68be-48d7-ae1a-fa1df422a996">Re: joke time!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: One Day Without Shoes : gUrL yuor hands be ashey get you sum vaseline!  lolololol Posted by FutureMrsTayPrince It's not ash its sunlight boo. But thanks for worrying about whether I'm properly moisturized or not. How's your PREGLYcy coming along. Still having your pregly WEEding? (aghouston) FTW.
    Posted by andy71781[/QUOTE]

    <div>I knew it was only a matter of time until she found the dark side.  People can only kissass on TK for so long.</div><div>
    </div><div>
    </div><div>And yay I win!!  I figured everyone would have seen that kid before, but I still LOL when I see it.</div>
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  • HYPNOTIST AT THE SENIOR CENTER

    It was entertainment night at the Senior Center . Claude the hypnotist
    exclaimed: "I'm here to put you into a trance; I intend to hypnotize
    each and every member of the audience."

    The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful
    antique pocket watch from his coat. "I want you each to keep your eye
    on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my
    family for six generations."

    He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly
    chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch. . ."
    The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light
    gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs eyes followed the
    swaying watch, until, suddenly, it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers
    and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.

    "SHlT!" said the Hypnotist.

    It took Three Days to Clean up the Senior Center .

    Claude was never invited back...
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  •    A mature woman goes to the doctor and asks his help to revive her man's sex drive.
        "What about trying Viagara?" asks the doctor.
        "Not a chance" says Mrs. Murphy. "He won't even take an aspirin for a headache."
        "No problem" replies the doctor. "Drop it into his coffee, he won't even taste it. Try it and come back in a week to let me know how you got on."
        A week later Mrs. Murphy returns to the doctor and the doctor  inquires as to how things went.
       "Oh it was horrible, just terrible doctor."
       "What happened?" asks the doctor.
       "Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee. The effect was immediate. He jumped straight up, swept the cutlery off the table, at the same time ripping my clothes off and then proceeded to make passionate  love to me on the tabletop. It was terrible."
       "What's terrible?" asked the doctor. "Was the sex not good?"
       "Oh no doctor, the sex was the best I've had in 25 years, but I'll never be able to show my face in Tim Horton's again."
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