Correct Wording?

MissSkitty

I am having a small ceremony and I don't want a lot of people there. I would like to invite people mainly to the reception. How would I go about wording this on our invites?

twilight.rose

You don't.

Tiered invitations are rude and gift-grabby. You invite everyone you want to attend to the entire event, or they don't get invited at all. If you are set on a small ceremony, you, by default, will have a small reception.

The one exception to this is if your ceremony is truly immediate family only (no extended family or friends.) In that single situation, it is generally acceptable to have a larger reception celebrating your marriage.

If you merely want to inform these additional people of your marriage, it's appropriate to send wedding announcements the day of/day after the wedding.

MissSkitty

I have heard of plenty of people having a small private ceremony or even a JOP wedding and only inviting some to the reception and not to the ceremony. Even some having it days later. It's not unheard of. Everyone I have talked to about it doesn't say it's rude at all.

twilight.rose

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_correct-wording?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f4d152a8-5a8a-4da9-90db-5da8f4469b7cPost:a9215581-6789-45e4-b152-98264be7d779">Re: Correct Wording?</a>:
[QUOTE]I have heard of plenty of people having a small private ceremony or even a JOP wedding and only inviting some to the reception and not to the ceremony. Even some having it days later. It's not unheard of. Everyone I have talked to about it doesn't say it's rude at all.
Posted by MissSkitty[/QUOTE]

I didn't say it was unheard of. I said it was improper etiquette. There are many people who don't follow entirely proper etiquette when it comes to weddings. However, you're asking on an etiquette board, where you will receive advice about what is proper, not what is often done.

I also stated that there is a general exception if your ceremony is <em>truly </em>private (immediate family or a private elopement.)

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

It's not necessarily rude, unless you invite 90 people to the ceremony and 150 to the reception. The ceremony should be very, VERY small. I don't get it, but to each their own.

You word the invitation to the reception. "the pleasure of your company is requested at a reception celebrating the marriage of blah blah blah..." then put an insert into the invitations of those invited to the ceremony. "Please join us for a ceremony uniting Jane Jones and John Smith in marriage, etc." So it's the opposite of a regular invitation, where you would invite people to the ceremony with a reception insert.

MissSkitty

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_correct-wording?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f4d152a8-5a8a-4da9-90db-5da8f4469b7cPost:9dbd009e-2dff-4961-9e0c-e555ed0dcdc2">Re: Correct Wording?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Correct Wording? : I didn't say it was unheard of. I said it was improper etiquette. There are many people who don't follow entirely proper etiquette when it comes to weddings. However, you're asking on an etiquette board, where you will receive advice about what is proper, not what is often done. I also stated that there is a general exception if your ceremony is truly private (immediate family or a private elopement.)
Posted by twilight.rose[/QUOTE]

I posted my response before you had edited it and said "all invited or none".

Kristin789

>>People will be very happy to come to a party to celebrate your marriage, especially if there is food!

Where I live, no one goes to these Later Receptions or At Home Receptions, because they are perceived as just a time/place to come, drop off your big gift, and have a piece of cake or whatever, and go home.  People are very tired of not being close enough to witness the ceremony, but close enough to buy a big gift.

An older friend of mine tried this for her daughter who had a DW.  She reserved the entire top floor of a dinner cruise boat, where they would eat, and then have dancing with a band, etc.  About 125 invitations went out and something ike 40 people showed up , and it was a big bust.

BeeBee22

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_correct-wording?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f4d152a8-5a8a-4da9-90db-5da8f4469b7cPost:a9215581-6789-45e4-b152-98264be7d779">Re: Correct Wording?</a>:
[QUOTE]I have heard of plenty of people having a small private ceremony or even a JOP wedding and only inviting some to the reception and not to the ceremony. Even some having it days later. It's not unheard of. Everyone I have talked to about it doesn't say it's rude at all.
Posted by MissSkitty[/QUOTE]

<div>Well, it is rude. The people you asked just don't know or didn't want to say that. The purpose of a reception is to thank your guests for ATTENDING THE CEREMONY. If they're excluded from the ceremony, it has no real purpose. If you aren't close enough to these people to have them share in the actual wedding, why invite them to the after party?</div>

squirrly

It is technically acceptable to have a larger reception than the ceremony.  But I hate them.  Really, if I'm good enough to come to the reception and bring you a gift, why am I not good enough to watch you get married?  You want me to celebrate something that I didn't see happen.  I'm not a fan of that.  At all. 

I went to my friend's AHR, but I was insulted that we weren't invited to the actual DW.  And, I went to my friend's brunch reception at 10 am on a Saturday morning this year, when I wasn't invited to the ceremony that preceeded it by 15 minutes.  And I was insulted by that too.  As were the other 20 or so college friends that were there.  I don't care if you fed and watered me.  I wanted to see you get married.  I appreciate both parts of the wedding day.

That said - if you're doing it, the invitation is written to the reception, and guests also invited to the ceremony get a ceremony insert.  Just swap the invite/reception card in a normal invite set around and have the reception on the large one and the ceremony on the smaller one.

banana468

If you have a very private ceremony then yes, you can be within the bounds of etiquette and have a large reception.

BUT, that doesn't change the fact that many people find excluding the guests to be inappropriate and a bit selfish on the part of the couple.