+1's, again

chattychiqa

Bridal party members, regardless of relationship status, get +1's no matter what. I get this and am on board. What do you do with adult sibs in the same house that also are attending, as guests? FI has an aunt with 5 kids, all adults. One is married and lives with her DH, 4 aren't and live at home. The boys are groomsmen, the girls aren't participants. They will sit with their parents & grandma. Having +1's for them would skew the #'s in the seating chart, but it is a faux pas on our part to not allow +1's for the brothers but not the sisters? Of course the wedding is in 8 months and anything could happen between now and then, I was just curious if that's a no no.

mica178

All these adults get their own invitations.  If you are worried about space/ budget, I think that being consistent across the board (only people in LTR get dates) is fine.

StephBeanWed61502

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_1s-again?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f55a6e90-7bdd-4401-9964-527bbd63419bPost:1ab1bd4d-282b-4316-872e-619deed3ce98">Re: +1's, again</a>:
[QUOTE]All these adults get their own invitations.  If you are worried about space/ budget, I think that being consistent across the board (<strong>only people in LTR get dates</strong>) is fine.
Posted by mica178[/QUOTE]

<div>I kind of disagree with this - as someone who once got an invite solo to a wedding because my relationship with my then-b/f of two years wasn't "serious enough" to qualify as a plus-one, I find it kind of offensive when brides and grooms take it upon themselves to judge the "seriousness" of other people's relationships.  (Granted, that b/f was a d-bag, so I get that they hated him, but still, at the time, it really hurt my feelings.)</div><div>
</div><div>If the guys are dating someone by the time your invites go out, that person is their SO and should get an invite.  If they are truly single, no +1 is required.</div>

dumdumfroggie

Anyone married obviously gets a +1, I also think that anyone in a relationship, no matter the length also gets a plus one.

If these other siblings are truly single, they don't need a +1.

Also, it's not a rule that single WP members have to get a +1, it's just a courtesy.

chattychiqa

For clarification: the married one lives with her DH, I wouldn't expect to not invite him.

None of the 4 remaining adult kids are dating anyone.  For the duration of my relationship with FI, none of them have dated seriously or had SO's/boyfriends/girlfriends.  Those 4 kids all live at home w/their mom & dad and grandma. 

....really?  An invitation for EACH of them when they all live in the same house?

I guess I won't b*tch, it's cheaper than a +1 x 4 cousins.

If any of them start dating anyone enough to bring them around family (which is the benchmark for seriousness in his family), of course they'll get a +1.  I'm not holding my breath.

The other attendants are getting +1's.  I don't necessarily think that just because you're *in* a wedding that you HAVE to have a +1, but I don't mind extending this to our WP.  One BM instantly said "Oh I know who I'll bring as my +1," when I asked her, so I went with it.  It seems wrong to allow one person to have a guest and not the others...I'll make it even across the board.

dumdumfroggie and I are on the same page.

chattychiqa

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_1s-again?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f55a6e90-7bdd-4401-9964-527bbd63419bPost:7a0963b9-93a7-450b-afdc-2a5ffb3f4689">Re: +1's, again</a>:
[QUOTE]For clarification: the married one lives with her DH, I wouldn't expect to not invite him. None of the 4 remaining adult kids are dating anyone.  For the duration of my relationship with FI, none of them have dated seriously or had SO's/boyfriends/girlfriends.  Those 4 kids all live at home w/their mom & dad and grandma.  ....really?  An invitation for EACH of them when they all live in the same house? I guess I won't b*tch, it's cheaper than a +1 x 4 cousins. If any of them start dating anyone enough to bring them around family (which is the benchmark for seriousness in his family), of course they'll get a +1.  I'm not holding my breath. The other attendants are getting +1's.  I don't necessarily think that just because you're *in* a wedding that you HAVE to have a +1, but I don't mind extending this to our WP.  <strong>One BM instantly said "Oh I know who I'll bring as my +1," when I asked her,</strong> so I went with it.  It seems wrong to allow one person to have a guest and not the others...I'll make it even across the board. dumdumfroggie and I are on the same page.
Posted by chattychiqa[/QUOTE]

lyndausvi

In a prefect world everyone would get a +1.   

That said, in my family cousins not in a relationship never got a +1.  There were way too many of us and adding random dates for cousins who knows 60+ other people there didn't seem like it was necessary.   Besides none of us wanted to bring a random plus one to a family function.  There are so many of us it's just overwhelming it would not be fun for the date.  And the questions, oh yes there would be questions. "Oh look Chris has a date, is it serious?  How long have you known each other..blah, blah".  Having a date would actually be uncomfortable for the cousin not comfortable.

DH's family is opposite.  They are so small everyone gets a date and it only adds 4 people.

Personally I would do see how it has been handled in other family weddings.  What is your family like at family functions, etc.  Then go from there.

CarleyBo

May be a no-no, but if the 4 adult kids live with mom and grandma, I say send one invitation to them as a family.  You can include a personal note inside addressed to each of the invitees (or an inner envelop) saying something to the effect of you're excited to see each of them.  If your event is not ubber formal, I personally would find this acceptable. 

chattychiqa

There have been no other family weddings :-/ His sister had a VERY small ceremony with family going to a restaurant after. His cousin (the married one) had a standard-ish wedding of at least 100 (per the venue minimum, I wasn't around at the time)...I think her older bro was in the wedding and all younger siblings (3) were teens/preteens. I was inclined to send 2 invites to the whole household and write Aunt/Uncle/Kids names, and grandma to get her own, well, because she's grandma and a sentimental little old lady. I am 99% sure MIL would agree with this. It's not a formal wedding...it's a garden wedding at an estate with a tri tip, turkey, pork loin buffet dinner, if that gives you an inkling. I seriously doubt I'd get flack for it either. This is the same family w/the cousin whose berfday is the day of the wedding, if you remember. They'll all be together that day, I can guarantee it.

lyndausvi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_1s-again?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f55a6e90-7bdd-4401-9964-527bbd63419bPost:7a0963b9-93a7-450b-afdc-2a5ffb3f4689">Re: +1's, again</a>:
[QUOTE] <strong> ....really?  An invitation for EACH of them when they all live in the same house? I guess I won't b*tch, it's cheaper than a +1 x 4 cousins.</strong> I
Posted by chattychiqa[/QUOTE]

<div>I had to send FIVE to one house.    MIL, GMIL, 2 SIL and BIL all lived under the same roof.  </div><div>
</div><div>All were sent out on the same day. 2 came showed up the next day.  1 a day later, 1 a day after that and the last 3 days after the last one.  Everyday they called asking when so-n-so's invite was. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-yell.gif" border="0" alt="Yell" title="Yell" /> Stupid Post Office</div>

Birdie1483

Since you're planning on giving the guys a +1 since they're in the wedding, I would probably give the girls a +1 as well since they're family. Yeah, they don't NEED to have a plus one, but I think it might be weird to give some of the siblings a +1 and some not.

CarleyBo

I think you should be fine doing that.  My wedding was on my BF/MOH's b-day- we all sang happy brithday to her after the toasts.  If you feel it's appropriate, it would be nice to make mention of your cousin's b-day if she's attending.  Just a nice way to have him/her feel remembered (no singing required though )

chattychiqa

Wha? No... Cousin who lives on her own w:DH gets an invitation. I am saying for the remaining 4 who live w/mom and dad, why do they need their own? It's a derail from my original topic, I know...but I wouldn't include married cousin's invite with her parents'.

lyndausvi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_1s-again?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f55a6e90-7bdd-4401-9964-527bbd63419bPost:e2601fe6-d94b-4467-8fa7-64988c3ca497">Re: +1's, again</a>:
[QUOTE]Wha? No... Cousin who lives on her own w:DH gets an invitation. I am saying for the remaining 4 who live w/mom and dad, why do they need their own? It's a derail from my original topic, I know...but I wouldn't include married cousin's invite with her parents'.
Posted by chattychiqa[/QUOTE]
 <div>I look at it this way,  If you had 2 friends who were roommates (not a couple, real roommates) would you just send them 1 invite?    I wouldn't.    I view adult kids living at home like roommates sharing a house.</div>

StephBeanWed61502

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_1s-again?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f55a6e90-7bdd-4401-9964-527bbd63419bPost:9ff7c76c-64ef-4da7-9133-5dbbd5d67aeb">Re: +1's, again</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: +1's, again : If you know Mica at all, you should know that she would never say to judge the seriousness of a relationship.  She probably said LTR because she didn't want to write out "if they have a bf/gf, they get invited.  If they are truly single they don't need one."
Posted by crfb87[/QUOTE]

I was hoping that's what she meant, and I wasn't trying to call her out or anything, I just wanted to make sure the point was made to the OP that <em>any</em> relationship means you need to give the person a +1, not just one that meets the bride and groom's personal standards for "long-term" or "serious."  I am sure the regs on this board see these questions all the time, so these answers seem kind of "stock" or obvious, but I figured if the OP was asking, it's because she doesn't know and needs clarification, KWIM?

RussoWill

chattychiq-
I agree with your sentiment that the single cousins living with their parents don't each need their own invite. I also agree that grandma who also lives there needs here own. If you come from a super-formal family (which doesn't seem like the case), then send one to everyone. I think that if you're in the 18-23 you can still be included on your parent's invite. I didn't send a separate one to my sister who is 18 and at college and she didn't care.
As for your original question, guests who are dating someone should get to bring a +1. We had an arbitrary cutoff of like 3 months. That being said, we didn't really enforce it and 2 guests brought a +1 that we didn't "allot" to them, but they rsvp'd for 2 and wrote out their names so we didn't care.

RussoWill

Yeah, seriously. Lazy, rude or whatever else you want to say about it. We didn't send 3 invites to the same house to invite our younger cousins. For our friends (even in that age group) we send them their own invite. Maybe my wedding less formal than yours. Everyone is allowed to do things a bit differently.
We sent our invites 2 months out in advance since most guests would have to make travel arrangements. Chances are, if you had just started seeing someone, we wouldn't even know about it yet. It's not like highschool where the instant you start talking to someone, you're "dating."
Also, see in my post "That being said, we didn't really enforce it and 2 guests brought a +1 that we didn't "allot" to them... and we didn't care."
 We didn't purposely exclude anyone, we just wanted to eliminate inviting flavor-of-the-week. And we did. And no one was upset.

chattychiqa

On that note, I know we can't compare weddings to birthday parties but when his cousins in that same family had a birthday party, we had been dating 3-4 months and I wasn't invited...

RussoWill

Not to sound pretentious, but 2 months is not serious-yet. It may get serious (all of us were at 2 months at one point), but 2 months is 2 months.  We're not in middle school anymore where "going out" for 2 months is a milestone and we'd be kidding ourselves to say it is.

chattychiqa

Amen to that, sister