Mothers dresses

healinglayne

Question.....My mother (MOB) has selected her dress. It is short very simple clean and elegant for our outdoor garden wedding. My mother-in-law has sent me pictures of dresses she has been looking at and they are all VERY formal and long. I have tried gently nudging her towards something more casual but seems set on a "prom dress" look. What is the etiquette here?

2dBride

Personally, I'd be inclined to leave it alone.  If your FMIL knows that your mother will have a simple and short dress, but still wants one long and formal, then she is the one who runs the risk of looking silly.  And relationships with your FI's family have enough other pitfalls that this is just not the hill worth dying on.

And I say this as one who was the MOG.  The bride said that a knee-length daytime dress would be appropriate, and that's what I got.  The MOB came in a long dress that even had a little train on it.  But I felt my dress was both better-looking and more appropriate, while she obviously felt it was the other way around, so both of us were happy.

Avion22

The MOG is a grown woman who can decide for herself how to dress.  If you've shown her pictures of your mom's dress and the bridesmaid dresses (if you have bridesmaids), and she still wants to wear something long and formal, then there isn's much else you can do.

Has she bought the dress yet?  Is it feasible for you to go shopping with her?  Maybe you can steer her in the right direction.  Does the groom have a sister?  Maybe she can help with shopping as well.

futurepivko

the etiquette is you let the MOB and MOG decide what THEY want to wear. style, color, length. they are grown women who have been dressing themselves for quite some time now. they know they will be in a lot of photos themselves, so they will want to dress appropriately.

futurepivko

FYI........i would also choose a username that was not your email address

Milsey32

My mom's going to get whatever she feels like getting and my FMIL is making her dress. They both have two totally different styles and I'm looking forward to seeing what they'll wear to the wedding... I trust their choices because, well, they're grown adults who can take care of themselves and have been to plenty of weddings. That's that. 

If your FMIL hasn't seen a photo of your Mom's dress, have your FI show her in case she is unaware how 'casual' it may be (she could honestly not know this and embarass herself by mistake). If she still wants to keep her dress, let it be. You should have other problems to worry about in wedding planning

Wiscisbliss

My Bestie had this problem too.  Her FMIL wanted to wear a long beaded black gown to an outdoor wedding in July.  She just told her FMIL that the dress was beautiful, but she was worried that she might be very hot since the average high was 87 and the wedding was at 4 PM.  Her FMIL found a short dress. 

You can't make her wear something different, but if youor concern is her comfort (not personal taste) then I think you can expess that.

GeauxTigers17

I would send her a picture of your mom's dress and then leave it at that. I agree that adults should dress themselves, but my FMIL would be much more likely to kill me if I didn't tell her that what she was wanting to wear might look out of place. I don't know about y'all, but being vastly over or under-dressed makes me really uncomfortable. Once you've given her a heads up, you can just let her do her thing.

cara91997

I say let them both wear what they want! I had issues with this at one point as well. I was told, I guess by some very old school people, that my mom (MOB) should pick her dress color first and then the MOG should pick hers. All we asked was that MOG pick a different color than my mom or the wedding party. Ever since then, all she keeps saying is how those colors (the one my mom is wearing and then the WP) are the only colors she is interested in wearing. Interestingly, I even changed the color of the WP from what I originially had to a different color and now the new color is all she looks good in. Finally, I just told her to wear what she wants. Honestly, it just isn't worth getting into an argument over or anything. You can always tell her that your mom and others are going with a more simple, casual look and while she can wear whatever she likes, you just want her to be comfortable. If she is set on the gown then so be it. She may however decide that she doesn't want to be the only one in formal wear and change.

ekutlus

I'm of the mindset to let them wear what they want. When we all first started dress shopping my mom selected a longer more formal gown but my FMIL doesn't like long dresses on her because she is short. My mom FREAKED out "she is supposed to follow MY lead", "she HAS to wear a long dress", she is going to wear BLACK?!?". I just told her that I don't care what FMIL wears. Out of everything on our wedding day the absolute last thing I will worry about is what my guests wear...

CassieeK

If I were the MOG, I would want to fit in more with the style of the wedding, but that's just personal preference. If she wants to go fancier, just let her. It's not the worst thing that could happen.

mctlong

I wouldn't do anyhting except offer an opinion, but only if asked. I assume she knows the theme of the wedding. Her dress choice is completely up tp her.

gailpete

Here is a link to a story the Today show did on MOB dresses.  Maybe you can find a way to innocently share it with your FMIL.  One thing it does say is that the MOB and MOG should take the style of the wedding and go up two levels of formality in their attire.

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/26184891/vp/42533170#42533170

Good luck.

beckys67

If she ask your opinon that is one thing but if not I wouldn't say too much. As long as she is not wearing a white strapless dress then I wouldn't worry about it.

healinglayne

Thanks for all the advice and thoughts! I have sent her a picture of my moms dress and kindly reminded her that we are getting married a forest but if she really loves that dress she should get it. Maybe she will recognize that this is a casual affair, maybe not! Either way the day isn't about her dress! Thank you again