FI-related... I could really use some help/advice.

agk0125

I haven't read all the responses, but I'm having the same exact problem with my FI. It's gotten to the point where we fight a lot over wedding things and who's going to do what, mostlly because having a wedding was his idea and now he has no interest in helping.

All I can say is we can't wait for the wedding to be over so after a year and a half we can just go back to our normal life. Just do what you can and know that you did your best. If you can get him to help, great. If not, oh well, right?

Also, let him run with things he shows interest in. My FI is in charge of the band, seating charts, and the ceremony. It's almost shocking, but he's really interested in the seating chart!

michaelandjulie2

Just Julie is fine! Basically, you are right, it is an extended version, but I will probably have fewer hours in marriage/family specifically because of how the program is set up. I will probably have more work with children since that was the "track" I chose (as opposed to geriatrics or the severely mentally ill). Even though we have a "track" we still get to work with many different clients, which is good. I am not focused enough yet to know exactly what I want. 

I just finished my first year, so I will graduate in 2014, which seems so far off. I cant imagine having already seen my first client though! We have one year of training before practicum starts. I am so nervous about my first clients! Was it difficult to start so early in your training?

Before leaving for internship I will have 2500 hours of therapy and testing hours combined, then during the internship year it should be about 2000 additional hours. It seems like so many supervised hours, but more than that is required for licensing. At this point in the program, I am wishing the end was closer in sight. I am so jealous you are already doing what you set out to do!

Kristin789

For hundreds of years, weddings were planned by the bride and her family.  It's a recent development that grooms are encouraged/demanded to participate, and most grooms don't want to because they fear it will make them look controlling and demanding ... and that's really not how you want the bride's mother to see you as you prepare to marry her daughter.

jasmineh7777

I don't think my FI is worried about looking controlling or demanding. I think he doesn't think about the wedding until I yell at him.
I've found that my friend Arbor Mist and I can handle much of the planning on our own.

polichik

Internet hug to Beaatles! It's funny.... FI always talks about how he doesn't talk about his feelings and how he could never be a therapist, but I think he'd be one of those badass, cut-to-the-chase, functional therapists. I'm more of a Virginia Satir style (though certainly not talent, ha). Someday we should start a psych thread and totally geek out.

Julie, that sounds amazing, and like it's going to put you in a wonderful place to start a career. I'm about to crash, but I'd love to talk more about this later! Seeing a client so quicklly was terrifying (I felt sick the whole train ride down!), but something about learning on your feet has been so inexplicably amazing. I feel like I have so much to learn, but I actually feel confident about what I'm doing and why I'm doing it. It's scary to think about graduating and getting a job, but I feel like this program taught me to think quickly and hypothesize my way out of a tough situation. We should talk more!

Nighty night, ladies

beatlesgirl25

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fi-related-could-really-use-helpadvice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f6cee8dd-8786-4f77-9636-f008c46f8f19Post:c3247ae4-affd-4c27-8bdf-fb3187fc4b06">Re: FI-related... I could really use some help/advice.</a>:
[QUOTE]Internet hug to Beaatles! It's funny.... FI always talks about how he doesn't talk about his feelings and how he could never be a therapist, but I think he'd be one of those badass, cut-to-the-chase, functional therapists. I'm more of a Virginia Satir style (though certainly not talent, ha). <strong>Someday we should start a psych thread and totally geek out. </strong>
Posted by polichik[/QUOTE]

YES. That would be epic. We'd have to do it when J&K, Sun and Fishy were around too. I would love that. Just reading Julie's posts about her program, I'm getting all misty-eyed for the days of yore. ;)

Good night!

michaelandjulie2

Beatles, what do you do? I love thinking that some day these years in school will finally be in the past. I love the clinical work, but am sick of reading hundreds of pages every week!

beatlesgirl25

Julie, I'm in a PsyD program too, only I'm in my 5th year. So there is definitely an end to all the readings (for class anyway), even though it might not seem like it! At this point I've completed all my clinical hours and class requirements, and I'm just working on my dissertation. Our program consists of all 4 years in the field (2 practicum sites the first two years and then 2 one-year internships), so a 5th-year internship is not required for us, but some people use an APA internship as their 5th year.

So you must be done with your first year then, congrats! I remember the first two years in my program being by far the most reading and writing heavy, with all the theory and stuff. The second half has been much more enjoyable as the main focus has been on fieldwork. What are you hoping to do with your child specialty?

michaelandjulie2

It is the same for us as far as 5th year being for APA internship and finishing dissertations. We just call all of the other work in 2-4th year practicum work. I cant believe you started fieldwork in your first year. I am so nervous about starting now.

I am looking forward to the reading slowing down. We have 2 short summer classes so the reading is even more crammed together right now. I am not sure exactly what I want to do yet, probably something related to families or health psychology. I could see myself working with children with chronic health conditions and helping their families with everything that entails. I am not completely sure yet though. 

What do you plan on doing when you are finished? Congrats on almost reaching the end! 

mishy112

Ok, I've read or skimmed most of the posts and thought I'd add a few things that seemed to help me. Most guys just don't get it when it comes to wedding planning. I would tell my husband several things that needed done and then ask him to choose 1-2 things for which he'd take responsibility. This does 2 things: 1) shows him how much there is to be done and all the things I was taking care of; and 2) gives him a choice about what he is doing, which gives him a little more ownership rather than just being told to do something.  Once he chose something, if he wasn't doing it or complained about it, I would ask him if he'd rather switch to a different task. Also, I made myself let things go and be ok with the fact that whatever it was might not get done (some tasks I did not leave solely up to him, such as the officiant) . I communicated to him that if he didn't do it, we wouldn't have whatever it was that he was supposed to help with (dj, invitations, AHR, etc.). I knew these things were important to him too. I would ask/remind him about things, but I wouldn't get worked up and instead just reminded him that if he wouldn't do it, it wasn't going to happen. I think many guys realize that the brides will take care of things if they don't, and while they may not intentionally slough off, it's not as urgent to them as it is to us. By showing him I wasn't going to do that, he took more responsibility for his tasks. I don't know if this will help with your situation or not.

On a side note, I'm in a counseling psych program so planning to do similar work as you.  

beatlesgirl25

Ah, condensed summer classes. That sucks, but the good thing is that they'll be over before you know it!

That sounds interesting about the health psych kid work. We have a health psych track in my program, and I didn't join it but ended up with both of my internships being at health psych sites, so I love all of the behavioral med stuff. I'm hoping to get certified in clinical hypnosis once I get licensed, and maybe biofeedback. I have already been able to train in and practice those techniques, and I think it's a great marketable skill to have on the side if you have any interest in that. I've worked with community health populations for the past 2 years, and I really like it so I'll probably stick with that for awhile. I just got a job doing substance abuse and outpatient therapy with a severely marginalized population, so I'll probably stay there for awhile and hopefully accrue my post-doc hours once my friggin dissertation is finished. Do you have any idea yet what you want to do for your dissertation?

michaelandjulie2

Thats awesome. I can't wait to have real experience, but I am still getting over the initial shock of "Oh I am actually doing this!" And thats great about getting a job. I think it is so crazy that after 4 years there is still more that can be done (like certification in clinical hypnosis). Although its great that there is so much out there because I love to learn new things. 

I have no idea what I want to do for my dissertation. In our program it has to be empirical, but it can use archival data. I am not sure what I am doing to do yet, but hopefully I get something together soon. We have a class in second year fall semester where we have to write a prospectus or something. It would be nice if it was actually relevant to my dissertation topic. After the wedding I have about 2 months before classes start back so I will probably think more about it then.

I would love to hear more about your program and dissertation but I am exhausted. We should definitely pick this up again sometime though!

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

This happened to me. Fi said he wanted to be involved in certain things. He wanted to go to vendor meetings with me. He was really picky about things like photography. He wanted an input on the music. Fine - I asked him to look into DJs and ceremony musicians. I did all the research and sent him contact information. It took me breaking down into a crying fit and 2.5 months for him to actually get around to calling these people to get contracts - people from whom I had already gotten quotes. Since then, he's been pretty good. He's booked the musicians, DJ, cake baker, and gotten me most of his guest list.

So, um, my suggestion is to have a nervous breakdown.

Or, baring that, drag him along to appointments.

tdso008

My FI is letting me make decisions, but I made him come for the meeting with the DJ - seemed more like his cup of tea than mine...

You should take advantage of your FI expertise with spreadsheets - I have EVERYTHING on one spreadsheet or another - including calculating how much vacation time I'll accrue before the wedding!

Here's to a nag free marriage for us all! 

Domestically Disabled

I have become similarly frustrated with my FI when trying to get him to do simple tasks (like ask so-and-so to be his groomsman, which for one poor sap was too late because of his geographical distance and financial limits - now this guy can't even make it to the wedding).  It took many months for him to pressure his groomsmen to getting measured for their tuxes, months!  I did my best to find mailing addresses for his side of the guest list, but wasn't going to contact his family members who I've never met (still missing some addresses, invites scheduled to go out within a week or two!).  But I know this isn't his thing, quite frankly, it isn't mine either but I am a conrol freak and new I wanted to be in charge of the planning.  So, you let it go, and if possible, pop a sedative when needed (don't nag me, it's what they're there for!).  It'll all be over soon!

Angela