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SO's to bachelor/bachelorette?

FI's BM and my best friend have both mentioned throwing us bachelor and bachelorette parties. We would really like to have a combined party, because the crowd will be much more fun for everyone that way. 

My question is, do we have to invite SO's to a party that is just the WP, if it is co-ed? Best Man's FI is just truly awful (she makes every social situation tense and awkward for everyone because she is so rude to everyone). I would rather not have a combined party if she would be there. 

(I know I have to suck it up for the RD and wedding. Can we do the bachelor/ette party without her?)

Re: SO's to bachelor/bachelorette?

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    If it's JUST the WP, then I would say you can get away with no SOs.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    Salsera29Salsera29 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited March 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sos-to-bachelorbachelorette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f702093f-4d0b-4b86-a73b-34f0a90b71c8Post:5ff45bc4-63b4-4028-9e97-46d003a4a793">Re: SO's to bachelor/bachelorette?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think the easiest way to minimize contact with his FI would be to have separate parties provided your host/hostess can accomodate that.
    Posted by KindaSparkly[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>We could do this definitely. It's just that one of the BMs is FI's friend who I don't know well. Then it's just me sister and my best friend who aren't very close. It just wouldn't be very much fun for anyone.</div><div>
    </div><div>On his side, he has his two best friends, but also my brother, my best guy friend, and my best friend boyfriend who we hang out with all the time. So the combined group is just a much better dynamic. </div><div>
    </div><div>Unless crazypants has to be there :-/  </div><div>
    </div><div>Thanks Addie!

    </div>
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    If you do separate parties you can invite other friends w/o the SOs - would that help make your events more desirable / more fun?  i.e. you could do an event with your sister, your bf and your best guy friend and some other close friends.  As long as it's just your closest friends (boy or girl) and no SOs I think that's fine.

    Otherwise I agree w/ Addie that if it's JUST the WP you can probably get away with a co-ed party with no SOs.  I wouldn't try co-ed with extra friends but excluding her; it will just cause drama.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sos-to-bachelorbachelorette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f702093f-4d0b-4b86-a73b-34f0a90b71c8Post:8d76f385-1c33-46dd-8da8-5d7e8a40bc2c">Re: SO's to bachelor/bachelorette?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: SO's to bachelor/bachelorette? : We could do this definitely. It's just that one of the BMs is FI's friend who I don't know well. Then it's just me sister and my best friend who aren't very close. It just wouldn't be very much fun for anyone. On his side, he has his two best friends, but also my brother, my best guy friend, and my best friend boyfriend who we hang out with all the time. So the combined group is just a much better dynamic.  Unless crazypants has to be there :-/   Thanks Addie!
    Posted by Salsera29[/QUOTE]
    oooh see, this is why I <3 the knot! Because ever since I came here I learned new things, like how sides do not have to be gender specific. Your brother could have been on your side and his friend could have been on his side, you know? You're learning these things, too aren't you lol?

    What if you tried two parties, but offered both sides to attend both parties? Like, see if the hosts can have them on seperate nights or same night but different times. And then your brother can choose to go to yours and his friend can choose to go to his? Or does that complicate things further?
    image
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sos-to-bachelorbachelorette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f702093f-4d0b-4b86-a73b-34f0a90b71c8Post:cf1c9742-22cc-4af8-91fa-8702def0aa13">Re: SO's to bachelor/bachelorette?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: SO's to bachelor/bachelorette? : oooh see, this is why I <3 the knot! Because ever since I came here I learned new things, like how sides do not have to be gender specific. <strong> You're learning these thYour brother could have been on your side and his friend could have been on his side, you know?ings, too aren't you lol?</strong> What if you tried two parties, but offered both sides to attend both parties? Like, see if the hosts can have them on seperate nights or same night but different times. And then your brother can choose to go to yours and his friend can choose to go to his? Or does that complicate things further?
    Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Oh yeah, that's definitely something I with I had learned in time!</div><div>
    </div><div>I think having two parties with mixed people would make things complicated...I think we're going to plan on having the combined party and either not invite her or just cross my fingers that she won't come.</div><div>
    </div><div>Thank you all for your advice!

    </div>
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    i''m not sure I agree with everyone that she has to come.  If my hypothetical boyfriend (I'm single right now) was in a wedding and they were having a combined party and I wasn't friend's with the bride, I wouldn't expect to be invited. 

    To me a bachelor/bachelorette party invite is not like a wedding invite where everone SO's need to be invited.  To me, it's suppose to be your nearest and dearest.

    Just my opinion though!
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    If other Sos are invited and she isn't, it will be DRAMA.  

    If she really is as awful as she sounds, then take the high road. 

    My mom says the best revenge is living a happy life. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    201 Invited image 139 Attending image 20 Declined image 42 Are making me wait image
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    I think that a bachelor/rette party is different from the wedding.  It's supposed to be your last celebration, so you should be around the people you choose.  At the same time, if you choose to allow others outside the WP and any of them are SOs to people in the party, it will bring a lot of drama.

    I was at a friends bachelorette party where she invited the wife of her FI's BM because they had spent a lot of time with the couple, though the she and the Bride weren't really friends.  Well, after dinner we had to seperate to get to the club (two cars worth) and she never showed up after that.  Texted her hubby that all of us had been really mean and excluded her (which isn't true... I sat next to her at dinner and had really enjoyed talking to her.  I guess she didn't enjoy it as much) so she was leaving.  This also caused her hubby to leave the groom's Bachelor party early, which put everybody out a little because they had planned on staying at the hotels with us all overnight, which meant the MOH had to cover the extra cost since they left.  Just a cautionary tale
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    I don't think it's okay to have a co-ed bachelor/ette party and not include significant others.   

    It's one thing for the bachelor/ette to have their own "guys night" or "girls night" where having the opposite sex there would completely change the dynamic of the party....that's why these  parties are an exception to the traditional rules about inviting social units together, but if the party is co-ed I think all the traditional rules about significant others would apply.

    I could possibly see an exception if it was JUST the wedding party, but if even a couple extraneous people are invited it would feel like a slap in the face to be excluded as the SO.
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    So if I had a bachelorette party and I invited 3 of my best guy friends (2 of which are engaged to each other), would I then have to invite everyone else SO's? 

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    edited March 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sos-to-bachelorbachelorette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f702093f-4d0b-4b86-a73b-34f0a90b71c8Post:f0bb43d3-7a5a-4f5b-8a70-6430748f4b03">Re: SO's to bachelor/bachelorette?</a>:
    [QUOTE]So if I had a bachelorette party and I invited 3 of my best guy friends (2 of which are engaged to each other), would I then have to invite everyone else SO's? 
    Posted by jillsky2280[/QUOTE]



    Yes. I stand by that. If you choose to open up the party to a both sex dynamic there's no reason not to invite SOs. "Traditional" b-parties (aka, one sex) are ONLY an exception to the SO rule because of their nature as guys or girls only.

    ETA: my best friend is a gay man who was my man of honor. His partner was invited to my own B party because even though we weren't very close, there was no justifiable reason in my mind to exclude SOs.....that would have been different if it had done a purely "girls" night or a party with wedding party only--no exceptions.
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