Inviting the Church

SoonToBeMrsK12

My father has been the pastor at our church for almost 13 years, and since I'm young, I have attended this church for most of my life. We are having our ceremony at this church, and would love for the entire congregation to be invited to the service. I know that it is rude to invite people to only the ceremony, but would this be a different situation, since it is a blanket invitation to the entire church? Also, if it makes any difference, before the formal reception at a different location, we'd be serving cake and punch in the church hall to anyone who came to the service. Does this make it okay? We want to include them in our day, but we really want an intimate reception.

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviting-church?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f778c3de-76db-43be-93bd-f3c725bcc9c2Post:1dd855a6-4632-4ef3-92f5-79a4ed16e5da">Inviting the Church</a>:
[QUOTE]My father has been the pastor at our church for almost 13 years, and since I'm young, I have attended this church for most of my life. We are having our ceremony at this church, and would love for the entire congregation to be invited to the service. I know that is is rude to invite people to only the ceremony, but would this be a different situation, since it is a blanket invitation to the entire church? Also, if it makes any difference, before the formal reception at a different location, we'd be serving cake and punch in the church hall to anyone who came to the service. Does this make it okay? We want to include them in our day, but we really want an intimate reception.
Posted by SoonToBeMrsK12[/QUOTE]

<div>You can't issue any type of invite unless it's to the entire event.  Have your dad but it in the bulletin at least a week before.  A church is a public place, and anyone who chooses to come will when they see it in there.</div>

Habs2Hart

If you were putting the information for the ceremony in the bulletin and allowing whoever wants to show up to come, then that is okay at a church.

I think by providing refreshments at the end and then a "real" reception later, you are turning it into a tiered reception which is not acceptable. 

Stick with just having an open ceremony printed in the bulletin and then send actual wedding invites to those who are invited by you to everything. 

Mrs.B6302007

Ditto.

As long as they're not receiving an actual invitation but can come of their own choosing, then the cake and punch reception is fine for them with the actual invitees having a formal reception later.

Brandiewine11

This is pretty common where I grew up. As PP said, just put it in the church bulletin but don't do invites unless people are invited to the entire day.

I might skip the cake/punch part though. That seems akward. Would all your guests go that? Only church people and rest to other venue? It would be confusing and you can't be in 2 places to host your guest. This just seems like 2 receptions. Go with just the cermony annoucement in bulletin.

AbbeyS2011

I am doing something similar, since we live in a small town, and there are not many people that attend the church at this time.  I will ask the pastor to put something in the bulletin about our wedding. 

Mrs.B6302007

FWIW, a friend of mine was in the same situation.  She felt obligated to make it an open ceremony since her dad was the pastor but there was no way she could afford to do the dinner for every member of the church.  She had a cake/punch reception (with some cheese and fruit, too) to be gracious. She felt that anyone who took the time to come to the ceremony should at least leave having been fed a piece of cake.  She then had her dinner reception with the family/friends she would have celebrated with if she hadn't been a PK.  Techinally, it WAS a tiered reception but I agreed with her in that she shouldn't have had to completely give up her "dream wedding" (I know - can't believe I just said that lol) just because of her dad's profession which wasn't her "fault', KWIM?

waltzingmatilda13

Churches are different because they are public places, so yes, it is okay to invite the church to the ceremony and not the reception. I wouldn't send formal invitations though, just put something in the church bulletin so everyone knows the day and time and can choose whether or not they want to attend. 

SoonToBeMrsK12

Thanks everybody! I'm glad I won't be committing a huge faux pas! However, nobody seems to agree on the cake/punch idea. Is there any other way I could thank everyone for coming without having a tiered reception? People around here are a little overly-critical with my family, so any advice would be wonderful!

mica178

Our wedding was announced in the church bulletin, and since we had a 45 minute gap, we hosted light refreshments (white wine, sparkling water, cheese and fruit) in the parish hall to keep guests busy while the WP/family was off taking pictures.  We invited anyone who happened to attend the ceremony to enjoy those refreshments (we had a note in our program).  I did see a few members of the parish at the ceremony, don't know if they stopped in for a drink afterwards.