Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Wedding Etiquette Forum
Wedding Etiquette Forum
New Discussion
Options

4pm wedding, would you expect dinner?

SmallenForeverSmallenForever member
First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
My aunt keeps telling me I committed some sort of invitation sin by not saying on the reception cards that we are having a cocktail hour followed by dinner. She says because our wedding starts at 4, no one will expect a seated dinner and will eat beforehand and not plan to spend the whole evening at our wedding. Our reception cards just said reception to follow. Should I warn people that there is a dinner?
Report Reply to Post
«1

Re: 4pm wedding, would you expect dinner?

  • Options
    freebread03freebread03 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    Your aunt is a nut (or possible the only one who would get confused).  I would 100% expect dinner if your wedding was at 4pm.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    s-aries8990s-aries8990 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    Was there a food selection on the RSVP?
     Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    Report Reply
  • Options
    SmallenForeverSmallenForever member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_4pm-wedding-would-you-expect-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f7979057-b42b-4d6e-aef0-f5a7dffed6e4Post:35224763-fdba-4831-821a-f550cbe4236f">Re: 4pm wedding, would you expect dinner?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Was there a food selection on the RSVP?
    Posted by sydaries[/QUOTE]



    No, we did a dual entree, so no choices.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    Avion22Avion22 member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    Honestly, I think people will expect dinner.  But even if they don't, at least you will be providing them food when they may not expect it, instead of NOT providing food when they DO expect it.  At least you would be erring on the side of caution.  

    But honestly, I think you're fine.   We attended a 3:30pm wedding a few weeks ago and still got (and expected) dinner.
    DSC_9275
    Report Reply
  • Options
    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_4pm-wedding-would-you-expect-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f7979057-b42b-4d6e-aef0-f5a7dffed6e4Post:ef0b98c8-d002-4111-91ad-89249f40a68f">Re: 4pm wedding, would you expect dinner?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I would expect dinner. Our ceremony was at 3, our invitations said reception to follow, and we had cocktail hour and dinner. No one was surprised. Unless you are from a circle where cake and punch receptions are the norm, I don't think anyone will be surprised.
    Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]

    <div>This except our ceremony was at 4:30.  There was absolutely no question whether or not a cocktail hour was occuring or dinner was being served.</div><div>
    </div><div>Ignore your Aunt.</div>

    Report Reply
  • Options
    s-aries8990s-aries8990 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    I would expect dinner at a 4pm wedding. I mean, it would be a HUGE etiquette faux pas to have a reception in a meal time without serving a meal. Worst comes to worst, people will either not finish their food or save the money they were planning on using to go out to eat after.
     Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    Report Reply
  • Options
    AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I would definitely expect dinner at that time. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    Report Reply
  • Options
    SmallenForeverSmallenForever member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_4pm-wedding-would-you-expect-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f7979057-b42b-4d6e-aef0-f5a7dffed6e4Post:ef0b98c8-d002-4111-91ad-89249f40a68f">Re: 4pm wedding, would you expect dinner?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I would expect dinner. Our ceremony was at 3, our invitations said reception to follow, and we had cocktail hour and dinner. No one was surprised. Unless you are from a circle where cake and punch receptions are the norm, I don't think anyone will be surprised.
    Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]



    She's convinced that people will expect cake and punch and leave early to make their dinner reservations. No one does that, right?
    Report Reply
  • Options
    LDubHawksFanLDubHawksFan member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Ours was at 4:30 pm.  I would absolutely expect some form of food at a 4 pm wedding.  Don't worry about your Aunt.

    image
    Report Reply
  • Options
    thurmanpowellthurmanpowell
    First Comment
    I would expect dinner.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    Carson386Carson386 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    I would expect dinner. I'd actually be really disappointed if I went to a wedding at 4pm and didn't get fed dinner.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker May 2013 Brides Siggy Challenge: Cake image
    Report Reply
  • Options
    QueerFemmeQueerFemme member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2012
    <div align="left">In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_4pm-wedding-would-you-expect-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f7979057-b42b-4d6e-aef0-f5a7dffed6e4Post:709066d8-30a8-4165-980d-d6439e412025">Re: 4pm wedding, would you expect dinner?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: 4pm wedding, would you expect dinner? : She's convinced that people will expect cake and punch and leave early to make their dinner reservations. No one does that, right?
    Posted by SmallenForever[/QUOTE]

    No.  People expect wedding receptions to last 3-5 hours. If your ceremony is at 4, people will probably plan on staying at your reception until 8pm-10pmish. 

    We had our ceremony at 3. Cocktail hour from 3:30-4:30 and dinner at 4:30. Dinner was a little on the early side, but everyone expected food and no one left early for dinner reservations.  Your aunt is trippin.</div>

    image

    Websites/blogs where our wedding has been featured:

    http://www.dapperq.com/2013/11/a-very-dapper-wedding/

    http://www.onabicyclebuiltfortwo.com/2013/10/wedding-christina-g.html

    http://4realequalityweddings.com/2014/05/16/g-christina/

    Report Reply
  • Options
    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    I would expect a full dinner unless the invitation said otherwise.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    SmallenForeverSmallenForever member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_4pm-wedding-would-you-expect-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f7979057-b42b-4d6e-aef0-f5a7dffed6e4Post:c33409dd-8d32-4281-bfe9-35f0a7836bf6">Re: 4pm wedding, would you expect dinner?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: 4pm wedding, would you expect dinner? : No.  People expect wedding receptions to last 3-5 hours. If your ceremony is at 4, people will probably plan on staying at your reception until 8pm-10pmish.  We had our ceremony at 3. Cocktail hour from 3:30-4:30 and dinner at 4:30. Dinner was a little on the early side, but everyone expected food and no one left early for dinner reservations.  Your aunt is trippin.
    Posted by cmgilpin[/QUOTE]



    Yeah, I figured she was crazy. She also told me dinner before 7 was for old people. Glad to know your timeline was similar and worked out.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_4pm-wedding-would-you-expect-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f7979057-b42b-4d6e-aef0-f5a7dffed6e4Post:6cc4bd64-c4cb-478a-8370-fed1949214ff">Re: 4pm wedding, would you expect dinner?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: 4pm wedding, would you expect dinner? : Yeah, I figured she was crazy. <strong>She also told me dinner before 7 was for old people</strong>. Glad to know your timeline was similar and worked out.
    Posted by SmallenForever[/QUOTE]

    <div>Then 28 must be old because I always eat dinner between 5:30 and 6:30pm.</div>

    Report Reply
  • Options
    Coghoot12Coghoot12 member
    5 Love Its First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2012
    I agree, its strange.

    However, there were three guests from H's side to our wedding that RSVP'd then left after the ceremony saying they didn't realize there was dinner.  I didn't know they left until the next day when H's mom told me.

    Our ceremony was at 5:30pm and the invitations said "Reception Immediately Following".
    I don't know what they thought they were RSVP'ing for. 
    Perhaps they are related to your aunt? Wink
    image
    Report Reply
  • Options
    achiduckachiduck member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    Our ceremony was at 4 pm and you bet your as$ we fed everyone dinner.
    image
    Anniversary
    Report Reply
  • Options
    myrinaemyrinae member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2012
    Our wedding is at 4pm, and we have the same thing on the invites: 'Reception to follow'. I wouldn't worry about your aunt--most reasonable people would realize that means dinner. 
    Photobucket Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Report Reply
  • Options
    TurtlesAllTheWayDownTurtlesAllTheWayDown member
    First Comment Combo Breaker First Anniversary
    Even if your ceremony is short, your reception would have to be like 30-60 minutes for it to end before (or at) the "regular" dinner time (5-6pm). Unless you specify something else, "reception to follow" during a meal time means you're serving a meal. "Cocktail reception to follow" or "dessert reception to follow" means something else - but it would be awkward and fairly rude to only have hors d'oeuvres or dessert at a dinnertime reception.

    You could say "dinner reception to follow" but that would be redundant, since it's at dinner time.
    my read shelf:
    Meredith's book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)
    40/112

    Photobucket
    Report Reply
  • Options
    Meegles4Meegles4 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2012

    Has your aunt ever been married? If so, when?

    When my mom got married a generation ago, cake and punch receptions were the norm, and I don't think time of day really played into it. People in her area just didn't do elaborate wedding receptions that lasted hours and included full meals. So, if your aunt comes from a similar generation and hasn't had a lot of experience with weddings recently, then I could see where she might be confused.

    Re: the "old people" comment, even with a 4 p.m. reception, you're likely not going to eat dinner until at least 5:45-6ish by the time you have the cocktail hour and then get everyone's butts in seats for the dinner service...and then serve the dinner.

    You're fine. Tell your aunt not to worry her pretty head.

    ETA: I just re-read your post and the mention of invitations. On ours, we did put "Join us for cocktails, dinner and dancing at 5:30 p.m. at VENUE". So, I can see why she might have questioned not including that text. BUT, I still think it's a pretty safe assumption these days given the timing of your wedding, so it's not like I'd reprint the invitations or something just because of that.

    Items for sale & Detroit vendor Reviews:
    www.detroitwedding.weebly.com
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    Report Reply
  • Options
    renegade gauchorenegade gaucho member
    5 Love Its First Comment First Anniversary
    I would absolutely expect dinner.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    AdeleDazeemAdeleDazeem member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    I saw this thread going an entirely different direction.

    I'd expect dinner!

    Report Reply
  • Options
    Calypso1977Calypso1977 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Combo Breaker
    i expect a full lunch or dinner or some sort of meal when i attend any sort of wedding unless its specified otherwise.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    kmcclelland7kmcclelland7 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_4pm-wedding-would-you-expect-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f7979057-b42b-4d6e-aef0-f5a7dffed6e4Post:9a7dd3d2-c376-43d4-823c-33dbd12cbc96">4pm wedding, would you expect dinner?</a>:
    [QUOTE]My aunt keeps telling me I committed some sort of invitation sin by not saying on the reception cards that we are having a cocktail hour followed by dinner. She says because our wedding starts at 4, no one will expect a seated dinner and will eat beforehand and not plan to spend the whole evening at our wedding. Our reception cards just said reception to follow. Should I warn people that there is a dinner?
    Posted by SmallenForever[/QUOTE]

    <div>Our ceremony is going to be at 4pm, followed by cocktails from 4:30-6 (having a short ceremony at the same site as the reception), then dinner at 6pm.  So, no you're not the only one with that time frame.  Hopefully that helps!</div>
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Report Reply
  • Options
    libby2483libby2483 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper First Comment
    We had a ceremony at 3:30 and we served dinner.  Our invitation simply said 'Reception to follow" as well.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    jenferianjenferian member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_4pm-wedding-would-you-expect-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f7979057-b42b-4d6e-aef0-f5a7dffed6e4Post:68386139-576c-40d8-af99-e743ea5b0aa6">Re: 4pm wedding, would you expect dinner?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Your aunt is a nut (or possible the only one who would get confused).  I would 100% expect dinner if your wedding was at 4pm.
    Posted by freebread03[/QUOTE]

    Concur. Our wedding is at 2:30pm with reception to immediately follow. I can't imagine anyone not thinking we were feeding them (also, a seated dinner). Who eats dinner at 3:30pm?
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Report Reply
  • Options
    mcda04mcda04 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    My ceremony was at 12:30 cocktail hr at 2 and reception at 4. We served dinner at 4:30/5
    Report Reply
  • Options
    lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    yes I would expect a meal.  I don't follow her logic either.   So 4pm is too early to eat but they will eat before the 4pm ceremony?  






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    Report Reply
  • Options
    Cortney1982Cortney1982 member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    I don't know how anybody in their right mind would assume there would be no dinner.    Besides, who in the heck would eat dinner before 4pm?
    Report Reply
  • Options
    scooterpie7scooterpie7
    First Comment
    I would definitely expect dinner. Our wedding was at 3:00 pm and I didn't see anyone looking surprised that we served dinner. 
    Our Wedding 24 March 2012
    image
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards