Personal Attendant

graysquirrel

PAs are pretty common in MN where the OP and I am from. I think that it can be a crap job, but it depends on the bride. In my family it is tradition to have an older, married woman be your PA. She is there with you keeping you calm, making sure you look ok, etc. It is kind of like having a wiser woman who has been there done that to be there with you, almost ceremonial like. My aunt was my PA and didn't ahve to deal with any vendors or do a coordinator's job. Anything she did besides help my mom pull my corset strings she did on her own because she wanted to help. However, I have also seen it where the bride makes the PA her b1tch for the day and forces her to get a dress, hair done, shoes, makeup, etc. It is all in the bride.

belleubrt

She isn't my personal b*tch.  I just would really like to have her be apart of the wedding since she said she can't afford to be a bridesmaid.

 Her fiance is not one of my favorite people.  He made her quit school so she could be a stay at home mom, and I'm afraid with his job he isn't going to be able to support the blended family...anyways beside the point...I've been trying to contact her and set up lunch and dinner dates or come over and cook and hang out with me. I don't really talk to her about wedding stuff because I ate even talking about it! 

professorscience

Okay, your first post makes a little more sense now.  At first, it just kinda looked like you didn't like that she was throwing all her attention into her new relationship.  But now I agree with Eagles -- you need to be there for her to the best of your ability.  I think you're doing that by trying to set up dates with her. 

HannahK15

I asked my aunt to be my personal attendant and she is so excited. I am glad I found someone who can help me on day with things. She has done it for 3 of my cousins and knows how to deal with things.

As far as your concern I would probably wait it out until like a month or so before the wedding and then how things go. Maybe you should make the first move and just see how her life is going as a PP said. This may help you get back on track with her and see where she is at.

hoffse

Interesting - where I'm from nobody calls it "personal attendant..." we call it "house party," which basically means, "no you're not good enough to be a BM so be my biitch instead."  That's what I've noticed at least.  Most girls around here feel like they need 4 of them. House party girls usually have to buy a dress that's in a coordinating color (though they often get to pick the style of the dress), they are required to throw a "house party" (hence the name) and they run errands for the bride on the day of.  It sounds horrible, and I'm not doing it.

Props to you ladies who aren't going to treat your PAs that way, but I can't bring myself to go there personally.

LIke, for istance, read this post I found when I googled it: "She finally did ask again, and, at least in this case, the house party will wear matching dresses and be in charge of things like the guest book, ensuring the presents are safe and the like. There will be one member of the bridal party, a maid of honor, and ten house party members (if they all accept, which I doubt). We understand that this is a common practice in old-fashioned southern weddings. "

Gross.

hoffse

And another one I found for "house party:" 

The term house party refers to a group of women whom you are close with, and would liked to have asked to be in the wedding party. These women can still play contributing roles in your wedding without feeling left out or their feelings hurt. Here’s how it goes, the house party you select will help the maid of honor plan and execute the bridal shower, as well as the bachelorette party. The house party can be quite handy, as they can run errands for the maid of honor or the bride directly making for a much-needed relief in the stress department. The house party is generally in charge of the decorations for the church and the reception, thus making it easier for the maid of honor to tend to more pressing matters with the bride. This group of women is usually kept busy by the maid of honor, as they deal with the smaller details that still cannot go overlooked for the big day. 

Finding time for all the small details when setting up a wedding can indeed be trying for a maid of honor, if she is left to do all of it herself. She must be able to concentrate on the bride, as she is her right hand lady and is there to keep her calm and organized. This small group of ladies known as the house party can indeed be lifesavers and keep the flow of planning on a steady pace, without interruptions. These women should in all intensive purposes be treated and respected, just as the bridesmaids would be treated. They are in a sense going to be doing a fair amount of work, and with minimal public recognition. Making a public announcement at the reception on their behalf, for all the great work they did would be appropriate, and in turn show them how much you appreciated the efforts and time put in. It would be a very nice gesture, if a small token of appreciation was given to them by way of a gift.

prettygirl70810

I've never been a personal attendant but yes, I had one. She fucking rocked.

Raptor, whoever made their personal attendant buy a bridesmaids dress, get her hair done, and spent no time with her was obviously a complete idiot and did it entirely wrong.

HAHA!!! I totally agree except that I have been a PA, wore my own dress and totally enjoyed eveything. My only job was was hold the finally checks to be given to the vendors. I was once of my closest friend's PA and when her coordinator (who she paid handsomely) attending to the day to day stuff...I enjoyed cocktails. This same friend REQUESTED to be my PA...

OP, I do agree with those posters who are encouraging you to reconnect with your friend. Title or not if you guys are friends I'm sure you will want to remain that way.

tricbrysk

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_personal-attendant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f914d21f-0c8f-4ee0-8170-549cb67af024Post:4c82de25-a974-4992-80e9-0aa7d5e8ba82">Re: Personal Attendant</a>:
[QUOTE]No, don't call her about the wedding.  Call her about life.  Ask her how she's going, if she's seen any good movies, if she wants to grab a drink or lunch.  Maybe she feels like all you care about is the wedding, and it's all you talk about.  That's annoying.  I don't want to talk about my OWN wedding anymore.  See if you guys can reconnect.  If she really distances herself from you and your friendship, then worry about the personal attendant thing. 
Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]


This is a *terrific* suggestion. I second it. Even if you haven't been talking nonstop about the wedding, it sounds like the bigger problem is your friendship. Maybe she's so caught up in young love that she doesn't realize how she's affecting you. (Not saying that's a good thing, but hopefully it's unintentional.)