Being asked to be MOH in 2 weddings-that are 2 weeks apart

strohm77

need some help on this one ladies!
Turns out my 2 BFF both got engaged and have dates set 2 weeks apart this year.  Bride J's date is in Spetember, Bride C's is in August.  Bride J  asked me to be her MOH, then just recently Bride C asked me to be MOH in hers,  2 very different weddings, Bride J will have 4 total attendants on her side and Bride C will only have me.  Bride J's wedding is coming along quite nicely, her dress is bought, our dresses are on order,her venue is booked, dj, photo, and food are either done or really close to being done-Shower and Batchlotette dates set.  Bride C just settled on a date the other day.
After I told Bride J that I accepted Bride C's MOH request, Bride J got really upset with me and told me that I becuause I accepted Bride C's request, I will not have enough time to pay attention to her for her needs as a MOH, I am unable to do both.

What do I do????????  Both of these girls are my BFF for almonst 20+ years, I really am honored to be in both. 

J&K10910

I'd take Bride J up on that, since it sounds like she's going to expect you to be a brideslave.

NOLAbridealmost

There's nothing to do. Be there for both of them and do what you want for each one.  If J flips out she needs to grow up.

misssunshine17

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_being-asked-to-be-moh-in-2-weddings-that-are-2-weeks-apart?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f9762ff9-8c6c-4fcf-a120-63e4dee811cfPost:3c915ee5-8c49-4a2c-8df8-aa42c15c5841">Re: Being asked to be MOH in 2 weddings-that are 2 weeks apart</a>:
[QUOTE]I<strong>'d take Bride J up on that, since it sounds like she's going to expect you to be a brideslave.
</strong>Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

<div>Ditto! I was in two weddings within one week and it was a lot. I didn't do much for the first, but the second, I was a 'brideslave' and it made the two weeks of business really suck. </div>

Fluffernut

I agree with NOLA. You will be there on the day of her wedding to stand by her in the dress she wants. Anything else is above and beyond. J shouldn't be treating you as her slave for the next six months.

littleluckypenny

A MOH's only job is to show up sober in the dress on the day of the wedding and pose for pictures.  Why is she flipping out? 

The only problem you would have would be if you can afford both dresses and maybe accommodations/travel if they are not in the same location.

mizutamababy

It sounds like Bride J needs a reality check.  Your only job is to get to the place, wear the dress you bought for J's wedding, and stand up for her on the day of.  Maybe get hair and make-up done if J insists and is paying for it, too.  You're not required to plan any parties or showers (although a nice gesture), help with DIY/planning, or anything else like that so I don't see how this is a conflict of interest.

aynos77

If you can afford it, be in both.. Yeah, its going to be hectic.. but fun as well.. You will not regret being there for your friends, but might regret not being there for one of them

Gansiepants

Dear Kathy,

 I appreciate how you have gone to the next level and given these ladies the opportunitiy to talk about things like being my 'bridal slave' - and say whatever they want about my chraracter- over a personal disagreement between the two of us.  At least I have had enough respect for you to keep our issues off of the internet for the WORLD to interpret. Instead of 'moving on' from the issue like you already asked me to, you chose to drag it on into the end of time via an internet blog. Thank you for that.

 

 And to the rest of you, before you pass judgement, perhaps you need to know the dynamics of someone's relationship and the truth of the situation as a WHOLE before you pass judgement. What Kathy fails to mention is that I never asked nor told her not to be my MOH.

  

Sincerely hurt by my "best friend",

 Bride "J"

mbody

Hmmm.. this just got interesting..

clcranda

woah...

ski2play

mbody, that is what I was thinking.

Jenni8412

In Response to Re:Being asked to be MOH in 2 weddingsthat are 2 weeks apart:[QUOTE]Dear Kathy,nbsp;I appreciate how you have gone to the next level and given these ladies the opportunitiy to talk about things like being my 'bridal slave' and say whatever they want about my chraracter over a personal disagreement between the two of us. nbsp;At least I have had enough respect for you to keep our issues off of the internet for the WORLD to interpret. Instead of 'moving on' from the issue like you already asked me to, you chose to drag it on into the end of time via an internet blog. Thank you for that.nbsp;nbsp;And to the rest of you, before you pass judgement, perhaps you need to know the dynamics of someone's relationship and the truth of the situation as a WHOLE before you pass judgement.nbsp;What Kathy fails to mention is that I never asked nor told her not to be my MOH.nbsp;nbsp;Sincerely hurt by my "best friend",nbsp;Bride "J" Posted by Gansiepants[/QUOTE]
I know I'm just a stranger on the Internet, but maybe I can help with some perspective on this situation... It doesn't appear that your friend worded anything in a way that portrayed you in a bad light. Yes, it can appear that you may have higher than necessary expectations of a MOH. But that is just how readers interpret it! The point of forums like this is to get multiple outside points of view that will be honest. Did you consider that your friend may have decided, after asking you to move on, that you may have a valid point? Is it not better for her to ask strangers with some anonymity rather than mutual friends and start up a gossip brouhaha? I didn't judge you based on her post, but now I kinda do. I know I don't know the whole situation, but I think it would be best for you both to calmly discuss the matter like adults. I would hope that any IRL friend who "finds" one of my posts and takes issue would actually confront me IRL.

graysquirrel

Wow. I've never seen that happen before. Here is what both of you need to know: the job of the MOH is to show up on time wearing the specified dress ready to smile for pictures and walk down the aisle. Anything else that she does is a gift. She is not required to plan/throw parties, go to appointments, do research, or DIY projects. She can choose to do so, but if she doesn't it  does not make her a bad friend.

OP, I don't see any reason why you can't be the MOH for both people. If you can afford both dresses, then go for it. It sounds like they are both really special people in your life and it would be a shame to have to choose between them.

BubbsNBubbs

This post just made my friday.

Ditto to everything Jenni had to say.

Jenni8412

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_being-asked-to-be-moh-in-2-weddings-that-are-2-weeks-apart?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f9762ff9-8c6c-4fcf-a120-63e4dee811cfPost:1e3d4f22-cae0-45d4-8544-4f045f6ddbeb">Re: Being asked to be MOH in 2 weddings-that are 2 weeks apart</a>:
[QUOTE]This post just made my friday. Ditto to everything Jenni had to say.
Posted by BubbsNBubbs[/QUOTE]

Is it bad that I secretly want them both to come back and be my soap opera for the day?

elldee333

wow. Bride J...I dont think Kathy said anything negative about you. Like a PP said, it might sound like your expectations about her as a MOH are a bit high, but did you pass over the part where she genuinely seemed torn because she didn't want to disappoint either of you, and she is "honored to be in both"?

OP...I'm in two weddings two weeks apart, and both of those brides are also in each other's! and everyone is making it work because we're all doing our best to be supportive but at the same time not having huge expectations. of what everyone else is "supposed" to do. both my brides have definitely kept in mind the entire time that our friendships with each other are more important in the grand scheme of things than whether one of us isn't going to have time to "pay attention to her needs"

mizutamababy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_being-asked-to-be-moh-in-2-weddings-that-are-2-weeks-apart?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f9762ff9-8c6c-4fcf-a120-63e4dee811cfPost:a557ee9c-c28f-4942-b12d-45dfb558aa8a">Re: Being asked to be MOH in 2 weddings-that are 2 weeks apart</a>:
[QUOTE]Dear Kathy,  I appreciate how you have gone to the next level and given these ladies the opportunitiy to talk about things like being my 'bridal slave' - and say whatever they want about my chraracter- over a personal disagreement between the two of us.  At least I have had enough respect for you to keep our issues off of the internet for the WORLD to interpret. Instead of 'moving on' from the issue like you already asked me to, you chose to drag it on into the end of time via an internet blog. Thank you for that.    And to the rest of you, before you pass judgement, perhaps you need to know the dynamics of someone's relationship and the truth of the situation as a WHOLE before you pass judgement. What Kathy fails to mention is that I never asked nor told her not to be my MOH.    Sincerely hurt by my "best friend",  Bride "J"
Posted by Gansiepants[/QUOTE]

Like PPs said much better for her to take her concerns to a group of anonymous strangers than spread your business around in your circle of friends where people are likely to gossip, take sides, have hurt feelings, etc.  BTW this is not an internet blog, it's a message board.

And whether she had a choice to say "no" to being your MOH not the point still stands... a MOH's only job is to stand there in the dress you picked out and pose.  It's wrong for you to ask any more than that no matter who you pick and who says yes or not.

I don't know you, sure, but by coming in here and making your best friend to look like the bad guy for asking an honest question (where she did no bad mouthing, and any comments we made were just assumptions based on the number of bridezillas we often here about/get on these boards daily with similar stories) makes you look really immature.

quixoticantics

Just my two cents....

My best friend lives in Florida (where I moved from last year), and I am in Colorado.  She is my MOH and I am hers.  Our weddings are 2 weeks apart (hers in FL, mine here in CO).  She just threw me the most beautiful bridal shower last weekend in my hometown, which is a 5-hour drive for her.  I am flying out to Florida this weekend to throw hers.  While throwing showers, etc. are certainly not required duties of the bridal party, I just wanted to give you some positive encouragement that being in two weddings 2 weeks apart is not impossible.  We're doing it, and the second wedding is our own!    Best wishes to all parties involved.