wedding gift

sioshan

....thoughts?

pantherRN

Gift what you can afford. If I'm short on cash, I try to get something from the registry.

mica178

The gift should be what you can afford and want to spend on the couple.  I would not base it on the quality/cost of the reception.

sioshan

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-gift-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f988bd37-acea-4fb8-9df5-1a0dcfd92b47Post:3b80d05b-97c6-4488-990f-7828db063bc0">Re: wedding gift</a>:
[QUOTE]The gift should be what you can afford and want to spend on the couple.  I would not base it on the quality/cost of the reception.
Posted by mica178[/QUOTE]

Specifically: All BMs and other close friends suggest $150/person, $300/couple...we are mid-20s, most of us are working full time & can afford this gift, but some friends are still in school...

I think your gift should be based on what you can afford as well...some friends are worried about "looking cheap"

Sorry- this seems so tacky to post about but is the subject of much conversation- wedding is this weekend.

LoveMuffins

I think what you can afford - although, granted, i will often stretch that for close friends... however, when i'm in the wedding party that does sometimes mean that the amount i can afford can't stretch very far. they know that you've already put time and money into their wedding, they should be happy to receive anything from you, as gifts are not required AND you've already contributed substantially.

hlq2011

We gave about that to FI's sister and her H for their wedding last year, a little more I think.  But I would NOT expect a gift like that from my BMs, and we did not spend that much even on FI's BM's wedding a year and a half ago.

achiduck

Start with what you can afford and then deicde on the amount based on how well you know the couple. That's what I've always done.

This tool has been mentioned here before, but I don't know if I necessarily agree with what it said I should give my brother and his FI but that's neither here nor there:

http://www.theweddingenvelope.com/calculator.php

lbow1984

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-gift-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f988bd37-acea-4fb8-9df5-1a0dcfd92b47Post:f601a0bc-7654-41ab-8aa4-e1993030ff1f">Re: wedding gift</a>:
[QUOTE]Start with what you can afford and then deicde on the amount based on how well you know the couple. That's what I've always done. This tool has been mentioned here before, but I don't know if I necessarily agree with what it said I should give my brother and his FI but that's neither here nor there: <a href="http://www.theweddingenvelope.com/calculator.php" rel='nofollow'>http://www.theweddingenvelope.com/calculator.php</a>
Posted by achiduck[/QUOTE]

Wow I had no idea they had a calculator for stuff like this.  I would have thought in Michigan the range would have been lower than in some of the other states, but nope...  I would have to say it seems a bit high to me, but who knows?

hlq2011

That calculator is the most ridiculous thing in the world.

achiduck

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-gift-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f988bd37-acea-4fb8-9df5-1a0dcfd92b47Post:a3bf6427-6cf5-4990-9c75-45c7d5032b6e">Re: wedding gift</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: wedding gift : Wow I had no idea they had a calculator for stuff like this.  I would have thought in Michigan the range would have been lower than in some of the other states, but nope...  I would have to say it seems a bit high to me, but who knows?
Posted by lbow1984[/QUOTE]

I also found it was on the high side. It also doesn't take into account if you're a student and your other financial obligations.

mica178

I think the calculator is based on the covering your plate concept.  I really don't think that it's a great tool because not everyone can afford to cover their plate.

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-gift-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f988bd37-acea-4fb8-9df5-1a0dcfd92b47Post:f24a8e75-dbdb-4fae-8f61-f1b5e47cc0de">Re: wedding gift</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: wedding gift : Specifically: All BMs and other close <strong>friends suggest $150/person, $300/couple</strong>...we are mid-20s, most of us are working full time & can afford this gift, but some friends are still in school... I think your gift should be based on what you can afford as well...some friends are worried about "looking cheap" Sorry- this seems so tacky to post about but is the subject of much conversation- wedding is this weekend.
Posted by sioshan[/QUOTE]

Holy crap!!  I would be absolutely thrilled if every couple coming to my wedding gave me that amount!  In all honesty, a gift isn't even necessary...that is not why you have a wedding.  However, since most people aren't mean and will give a gift you should only give what you can afford/want to give them.  There is no set amount...it is a personal decision and shouldn't be based on what others are giving.  If the couple is nice and not money hungry, they will be appreciative of whatever is given...................or maybe this is me being optimistic and naive LOL!

hlq2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-gift-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f988bd37-acea-4fb8-9df5-1a0dcfd92b47Post:be3f155c-f72b-4379-a05f-dea0f7bb826b">Re: wedding gift</a>:
[QUOTE]I think the calculator is based on the covering your plate concept.  I really don't think that it's a great tool because not everyone can afford to cover their plate.
Posted by mica178[/QUOTE]

Well, it takes into consideration your salary.  But it doesn't consider that weddings cost a lot less in randomtown, Massachusetts, where I grew up and where my brother's wedding is, than in Boston.

lbow1984

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-gift-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f988bd37-acea-4fb8-9df5-1a0dcfd92b47Post:1502118b-3532-4300-9616-ff4f380e19cc">Re: wedding gift</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: wedding gift : I also found it was on the high side. It also doesn't take into account if you're a student and your other financial obligations.
Posted by achiduck[/QUOTE]

Yeah definitely.  Still it's cool to fiddle around with just a bit high for me.  :)

Karen's MOH

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-gift-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f988bd37-acea-4fb8-9df5-1a0dcfd92b47Post:f24a8e75-dbdb-4fae-8f61-f1b5e47cc0de">Re: wedding gift</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: wedding gift : Specifically: All BMs and other close friends suggest $150/person, $300/couple...we are mid-20s, most of us are working full time & can afford this gift, but some friends are still in school... I think your gift should be based on what you can afford as well...some friends are worried about "looking cheap" Sorry- this seems so tacky to post about but is the subject of much conversation- wedding is this weekend.
Posted by sioshan[/QUOTE]

I'm from the NYC area and this amount seems to be just a litte higher than the norm... so actually, for a BM, yeah, I would find that to be about right. BUT, it varies wildly based on what kind of funds you have available at the moment. If I feel like the amount I can afford is less than I really want to give, I'll usually buy a registry gift instead since it's a little less "this is all I can afford to spend on you", you know? I'm sure the bride knows you have spent a lot of money already.

However, for a close friend, even when I was struggling I probably wouldn't have given less than that in NYC, but that's just me.

leia1979

$150 per person sounds incredibly high to me, especially if you've already paid a lot for wedding related items. Maybe I'm just cheap. I gave my friend $90 when I was a BM (9 has cultural significance). When FI was a groomsman, he ended up not giving a wedding gift because he had already paid so much into their wedding and couldn't afford any more.

yoko2011

You're in the PB, you've ponied up a slew of cash to begin with - give what you can afford, write a nice note. Don't feel comfortable writing a check, buy something nice off the registry. Maybe chip in with the other pb members and buy a nicer gift. i.e. China. Big item, shop the outlets - just check to make sure item is OK.

I realize it's NYC, the plate costs pp average that - total costs once done -  my just out of NYC wedding will probably begrudgingly end up in that ball park (INSANE). But the whole cover the plate thing is stupid.

In all the weddings I've been in, the couple realizes the time, cost to just support them on their new journey so your friends should be happy with whatever you give - no matter the cost. HTH and GL