Wedding Etiquette Forum
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So Irked

My cousin and his long time fiance got married last August. We all worked together for 3 years, and we all went to high school together.

I moved 1,000 miles away from home to go to college when I was 18, and while I visit once a year for about a week, have lived on my own and supported myself for four years now.

Well, I was invited to their wedding on my parents invitation.
If you do the math, I'm 22.

I am now planning a June wedding, and am debating whether or not to invite them. My fiance and I are paying for the wedding ourselves, and can't really afford to invite everyone, and would rather invite friends that genuinely care.

Am I being upset over nothing? I guess I just felt very spited because I have worked extremely hard to get where I am in my life, on my own, and I don't wish to be treated as a child.

Re: So Irked

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    Are the other cousins invited?  
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    yes, you're being upset about nothing. it's a breach of ettiquite, but you shouldn't care that much. that's happened to me before, and I just brush it off.

    why is it that important?
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    Oh my gosh.  They ddin't do it to slight you.  Should they have found your address and sent you a separate invite?  Yes.  Did they make sure you were invited to the wedding?  Yes.

    Grow up and get over it.  If you're getting married yourself, you're a little too old to be playing games like this.
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    I would be irritated too. I wouldn't not invite them just because of that, but if there are other reasons you don't feel close to them then it's up to you and your fiance as to whether or not to invite them.
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    I wouldn't read that much into it. Some people don't realize that adult offspring get their own invite. After I graduated college and was living on my own, I got invited to both a friend and a family member's weddings on the same invite as my mom.
     
    The only thing that offended me about it was that my mom didnt tell me until after the weddings, and that wasn't really the brides' faults. At least your mom told you.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_irked?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f9f2740b-d6c8-429e-8be6-eaeba5e83993Post:0e55fa03-d0ea-4067-b447-8d3cb5de60ba">So Irked</a>:
    [QUOTE]My cousin and his long time fiance got married last August. We all worked together for 3 years, and we all went to high school together. I moved 1,000 miles away from home to go to college when I was 18, and while I visit once a year for about a week, have lived on my own and supported myself for four years now. Well, I was invited to their wedding on my parents invitation. If you do the math, I'm 22. I am now planning a June wedding, and am debating whether or not to invite them. My fiance and I are paying for the wedding ourselves, and can't really afford to invite everyone, and would rather invite friends that genuinely care. Am I being upset over nothing? I guess I just felt very spited because I have worked extremely hard to get where I am in my life, on my own, and I don't wish to be treated as a child.
    Posted by hjchase1[/QUOTE]

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    It's irritating but I'm sure they just didn't know better.
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    Honestly, there are so many other things in this world to be angry about. It was probably any oversight on their part, and I'm sure they didn't do it to make a statement about your childishness.

    (FWIW I think you're being childish and petty to be upset over this.)
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    I have some bitchy cousins that I would have preferred to not invite, but I invited them anyway.  They would have preferred to not come (and believe me, I heard about it through the family gossips) but they're coming anyway.  Sometimes you gotta do shiit you don't want to just because it's family.
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    You're over reacting.

    My cousin included me on my dad's invitation when I had been married, had a child and was divorced because they didn't have my current address.

    Yes, they should have checked but they didn't.  No biggie
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    At first I thought your irkedness (sp?) was from the fact that by inviting you on your parents' invite, they did not invite your FI. That, I would be upset about. Is he invited as part of your family?

    For your reason, I think you're taking it too personally.



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    I wouldn't let that dictate your decision on whether to invite them.  However - I have had the same thing happen to me several times (I'm 29, even).  I have yet to attend any of those weddings (not family).  In every case, they were people from childhood that I don't talk to any more, but my mom or my sister do.  I felt like if we weren't in contact, and they weren't interested enough in me coming to find out my address, it was just a courtesy invite & I had better things to do.  None of those folks are getting invited to our wedding - but it's because we're not close, don't talk, etc.

    Moral of the story is - if you want them there, invite them.  And send the invite to their address.  If you don't - don't invite them.  Your opportunity to be self-righteous about the invitation came and went with their wedding.
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    I really think you're are upset about nothing.  They probably  just didn't have your address and didn't realize the etiquette involved.  I certainly wouldn't base my decision to invite them or not on something so trivial. 
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