Children at the wedding?

klubmates

My son and future daughter inlaw have decided on a adult only reception. Thats what it say's on the invite but makes no mention about the wedding. How should guest take this?

jajph1974

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_children-wedding-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fac5fec6-ed6d-4d93-b0d9-ba7194604848Post:ac0efdfc-06e8-4d87-bf25-4e118ae97c9d">Children at the wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]My son and future daughter inlaw have decided on a adult only reception. Thats what it say's on the invite but makes no mention about the wedding. How should guest take this?
Posted by klubmates[/QUOTE]


That's pretty tacky. I suppose the guests should take it that the bride and groom don't want their devil-spawn to ruin their special day.

WildRumpus

It shouldn't say it on the invitation at all. An easier (and much more tasteful) way of conveying that would be to only address the invitations to the parents. If guests RSVP with their children's name, then your son or future daughter-in-law will need to make a follow up phone call and let their guests know that the wedding and/or reception are adult only.

agk0125

Oof.

jajph1974

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_children-wedding-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fac5fec6-ed6d-4d93-b0d9-ba7194604848Post:0329c9a3-6bab-425f-8a65-3a76edfadc64">Re: Children at the wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]It shouldn't say it on the invitation at all. An easier (and much more tasteful) way of conveying that would be to only address the invitations to the parents. If guests RSVP with their children's name, then your son or future daughter-in-law will need to make a follow up phone call and let their guests know that the wedding and/or reception are adult only.
Posted by Jill9288[/QUOTE]

That's what I meant to say, but I'm cranky today

WildRumpus

Ha, it's cool Jen. I'm actually in a fabulous mood, so I thought I'd reword for you

SaraAndrew2010

I think the OP's question is that given that the invite says adults only reception, will guests interpret that to mean that children aren't invited to the ceremony either?

In general, I think if you tell guests their kids aren't welcome at the reception it is assumed that they also aren't invited to the ceremony. 

However, in my extended (Catholic) family it is common to bring children to the ceremony when they aren't invited to the reception.  The parents generally clear it with the B&G first.

anna.oskar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_children-wedding-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fac5fec6-ed6d-4d93-b0d9-ba7194604848Post:a25558c4-f867-438a-a470-c19590ee0369">Re: Children at the wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE] In general, I think if you tell guests their kids aren't welcome at the reception it is assumed that they also aren't invited to the ceremony.
Posted by SaraAndrew2010[/QUOTE]

My guests didn't assume that at all. 34 uninvited children at the ceremony, only 2 at the reception.

shannonalise

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_children-wedding-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fac5fec6-ed6d-4d93-b0d9-ba7194604848Post:ac0efdfc-06e8-4d87-bf25-4e118ae97c9d">Children at the wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]My son and future daughter inlaw have decided on a adult only reception. Thats what it say's on the invite but makes no mention about the wedding. How should guest take this?
Posted by klubmates[/QUOTE]

She could do what FI and I are doing. Make sure to include on the invite: <strong>Absolutely</strong> no children will be permitted to attend. There will be <strong>no</strong> exceptions.

In case people try to get sneaky, we're having a bouncer at the door that will confiscate children. From that point, children will be re-routed through a complex system of tunnels and hallways designed to wear them out so that when they arrive in the southeast corner of the building, they'll be easier to club.

It's just the easiest way. 

jajph1974

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_children-wedding-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fac5fec6-ed6d-4d93-b0d9-ba7194604848Post:c003e50f-4fb3-4364-be02-61bd29569708">Re: Children at the wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Children at the wedding? : She could do what FI and I are doing. Make sure to include on the invite: Absolutely no children will be permitted to attend. There will be no exceptions. In case people try to get sneaky, we're having a bouncer at the door that will confiscate children. From that point, children will be re-routed through a complex system of tunnels and hallways designed to wear them out so that when they arrive in the southeast corner of the building, they'll be easier to club. It's just the easiest way. 
Posted by shannonalise[/QUOTE]

Haha

WildRumpus

Shannon, don't forget to do bag checks.

shannonalise

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_children-wedding-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fac5fec6-ed6d-4d93-b0d9-ba7194604848Post:c003e50f-4fb3-4364-be02-61bd29569708">Re: Children at the wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Children at the wedding? : She could do what FI and I are doing. Make sure to include on the invite: Absolutely no children will be permitted to attend. There will be no exceptions. In case people try to get sneaky, we're having a bouncer at the door that will confiscate children. From that point, children will be re-routed through a complex system of tunnels and hallways designed to wear them out so that when they arrive in the southeast corner of the building, they'll be easier to club. It's just the easiest way. 
Posted by shannonalise[/QUOTE]

Hey! And I just noticed your sn OP! It must be meant to be! This is definitely the plan you should follow.

shannonalise

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_children-wedding-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fac5fec6-ed6d-4d93-b0d9-ba7194604848Post:e0f5bd63-0356-4167-a441-781bcd3671f3">Re: Children at the wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]Shannon, don't forget to do bag checks.
Posted by Jill9288[/QUOTE]

Oh yeah! I forgot about that. I have this conniving old hag of an aunt with a 55 gallon Vera Bradley bag. She'll most definitely try to sneak in her nursing 3 month old and that is <strong>not</strong> going to happen on <strong>my </strong>watch.

banana468

There shouldn't be any mention of "adults only" or "no children" at all on the invitation or in the contents of it.

Technically if they're getting married in a house of worship then with few exceptions, it's open to the public so they cant' prevent uninvited guests (including children) from being there.  However the reception is the private event.

And since it's rude to invite people to the ceremony and NOT the reception, if they address the invitations to just the adults of the family, that's the appropriate way to go.

flutgrl1

I know it breaks rules but people need this spelled out or their screaming child will be at your wedding.

TO the OP. They want a nice adult affair. Guests Shoult NOT bring children and SHOULD not feel insulted. They should decide whether to come and deal.

jajph1974

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_children-wedding-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fac5fec6-ed6d-4d93-b0d9-ba7194604848Post:2c579685-ca74-41f7-8672-d387576e3ca2">Re: Children at the wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]<font color="#800000"><strong>I know it breaks rules but</strong></font> people need this spelled out or their screaming child will be at your wedding. TO the OP. They want a nice adult affair. Guests Shoult NOT bring children and SHOULD not feel insulted. They should decide whether to come and deal.
Posted by flutgrl1[/QUOTE]

Yeah, but this is the etiquette board.

banana468

You can still spell it out while not being rude.

You can fill in the response cards so that a guest just checks next to his /her name if he accepts or declines the invitation.

But writing out who you're not welcoming is rude. 

shannonalise

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_children-wedding-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fac5fec6-ed6d-4d93-b0d9-ba7194604848Post:1cc11abe-2838-4eda-b028-5e20da7aef58">Re: Children at the wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]You can still spell it out while not being rude. You can fill in the response cards so that a guest just checks next to his /her name if he accepts or declines the invitation. <strong>But writing out who you're not welcoming is rude. </strong>
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

Agreed! I think my idea is the best. Brides should not have to deal with this on their special days!

Nebb

I wonder how many times this question or a variation of this question has been asked in the history of the knot. Im betting a million, atleast.

shannonalise

Well, Klub, this was nice. I'm so glad we could have this mutual chat!

tlv204

Ditto banana. Technically if it is a church anyone can attend the ceremony, but guests should assume children are not invited to either part of the wedding.

KatyTop

I personally do not think its rude to have an adults only reception, especially if its in the evening.  I have a very large extended family and have been to many weddings and large events where the dance floor has turned into a playground.  Its one thing if there are a few well behaved children having fun, but when you have 20-30 kids playing tag around the tables and being rowdy it is no fun for the other guests.  So, I have chosen to have an evening wedding and reception which will be adults only. 
I do feel there should be an exception made for newborns/very young babies who may be nursing.