I don't want a registry...

amysmomma

I'm finding that I don't want a registry.  I had one for my baby shower last year and I found it was totally useless because people just bought what they wanted anyway, and only 2 people bought from the registry (which was perfectly OK with me).

The question is, is it rude NOT to have a registry?  I'm considering giving a list of items to my FMIL, and if anyone asks her what to get us she can give them ideas from the list.

Thoughts?

salt78

I don't really see what the big deal about registering for a few things is. Personally, I find registries to be helpful. 

georgia_bride09

If you're going to make a list anyway, just make your list with the registry gun at Target.

mandysmear

Yeah we registered for 50 items and got 3.  I didn't care.  It was fun going in and choosing stuff we liked!  Like drinking glasses, wine decanters, wine glasses, etc etc.  ANd we lived together for 3 years before getting married.  We "had everything we needed".

Knittibell

See, I'm more likely to give something off-registry for a baby shower. Simply because once I know a friend is pregnant, I start buying. I see something cute on sale, I buy- I see a knitting pattern, I knit, and then I save all this stuff up for the shower, so I never look at the registry.

Bridal showers, however, I always buy from the registry. So I think it's worth it, even if it's just for a few things.

aragx6

If you're already making a list why wouldn't you just register?

The first thing I do when looking to buy someone a gift is to look for their registry. So do most people I know.

quotequeen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dont-want-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fad4bef4-198b-44d8-b85f-c9c1b28c8cd8Post:5850f6af-04fd-4542-be64-686979693ff3">I don't want a registry...</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm finding that I don't want a registry.  I had one for my baby shower last year and I found it was totally useless because people just bought what they wanted anyway, and only 2 people bought from the registry (which was perfectly OK with me). The question is, is it rude NOT to have a registry?  I'm considering giving a list of items to my FMIL, and if anyone asks her what to get us she can give them ideas from the list. Thoughts?
Posted by amysmomma[/QUOTE]

It isn't rude, but some people will be put off by it.  Having a list anyway is weird - just register if you're going to do that.  Your FMIL doesn't need to be trying to pick the items off the list that she thinks are in Aunt Stella's price range to tell her about.

However, I do think people use registries for weddings more than for babies, because for babies they think you can never have too many cute clothes, and they like picking those out themselves.  For weddings people want to get you something in the pattern that you chose.  And even if they don't... oh well, it didn't hurt anything to have registered.

aragx6

Plus a lot of places will give you 10% of anything unpurchased after the wedding. Who can turn that down?

amysmomma

one problem i find with registries is that you register at *one* store, but what if someone knows that they can buy something exactly the same somewhere else for cheaper?  or so-and-so doesn't have that store where they live? 

and the list i would have given my FMIL would have been more of a "generalized" list..

ex:

1. red towels
2. white sheets (king size mattress)
etc...  

personally what i would prefer is that when i ask the mother of the bride or groom what do the bride and groom need is if she were to say "green towels" instead of looking for the registry, going to a *specific* store, picking out a *specific* item, and making sure i remember to take it off of their registry.. too much hassle isn't it?

salt78

As far as so-and-so not having the store where they live, I have never once bought a wedding present in the store. I've bought it online and then had it shipped to the couple's house. 

aragx6

Telling people you want red towels is a terrible idea because you'll get a bunch of non-matching, slightly-different-shades-of-red towels.

Having to call the MOB or MOG to ask what the couple wants is way more hassle than going to a website, looking at the available options, choosing something in my price range and having it shipped to their home address.

Knittibell

I don't know... I generally put a lot of thought into each item I want on a registry. I do a lot of research, because I like to have things that will last me for a while. So, personally, if I found the red towels I wanted, and got some other red towels and had no idea where to return them, that would sort of bum me out. If someone I was shopping for registered for a blender and I wanted to get it, but it was out of my budget, I'd get something I could afford- I'd rather KNOW it's something they want and will use.

The larger stores, like Macy's, etc- run sales all the time, so your guests can get good deals, and with Macy's you also earn cash toward unfulfilled registry items, which is great.

georgia_bride09

If you have no plans of doing a registry regardless of what we suggest, why'd you even ask? Just ask for red freaking towels.

smokeybailey

Registries are a god send.  What YOU are suggesting is a pain in the @ss to me.

Red Towels?  What kind of towels do you like?  What size? what brand?  What shade of red?
White sheets?  What thread count? what shade of white?  white-white or ivory white?

You are making it HARD for me to buy a gift. Go to target.  Anyone can go to target.com and order something for you.

quotequeen

what if someone knows that they can buy something exactly the same somewhere else for cheaper?

They can call you and tell you that they purchased the item elsewhere and you can mark it as purchased on your registry.  I have already had somebody do this.  Or you can return the one that was purchased from your registry and get something else that nobody bought.

personally what i would prefer is that when i ask the mother of the bride or groom what do the bride and groom need is if she were to say "green towels"

But you don't just need green towels, and the person may not want to buy you green towels.  The registry gives lots of choices.  I can pick something or multiple things in my price range and that I like.  Nobody should be given one item that you want and not get to pick something from the list themselves.

amysmomma

My question was mainly if it was rude to not have a registry.  I didn't realize people actually felt so strongly about it.  I thought it would be easier for the guests to give them more flexibility, but I guess it is not.

If a registry is more helpful for my guests, I'll do one.  I'm glad I asked, thank you for the help.

nhelene

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dont-want-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:fad4bef4-198b-44d8-b85f-c9c1b28c8cd8Post:a0f5da33-6b03-4e97-b1b6-89e4037bb5bb">Re: I don't want a registry...</a>:
[QUOTE]personally what i would prefer is that when i ask the mother of the bride or groom what do the bride and groom need is if she were to say "green towels" instead of looking for the registry, going to a *specific* store, picking out a *specific* item, and making sure i remember to take it off of their registry.. too much hassle isn't it?
Posted by amysmomma[/QUOTE]

Most guests are pretty used to the process, and even if they think it's a hassle they still realize there's a purpose behind it.

Ditto knittibell about baby registries being different than wedding registries.  It'e easy to buy off-registry for a baby, because some moms give things they thought were godsends when they had their own kids, and others might want to make a surprise out of clothes or accessories the the parents might really like.

There's a lot more guesswork involved with gifts for adults.

melliott09

If you are having a shower, do a registry. It's much easier for the guests to purchase off of. I think the baby shower issue is different as PP's stated, it's so easy to buy baby stuff, whether it's on the registry or not.

jenellsrevenge

Even if I don't buy from a registry I might use it to get ideas, so it can be helpful.

jenellsrevenge

Also, while you say you have everything, if you think really hard there might be things that could use replacing or upgrading. Maybe your set of something is missing a peice or two or maybe you bought the cheapest version of something because that was all you could afford.