Inappropriately Resentful

NuggetBrain

I am.  I know it.  But I can't help it.  Noodle's older sister (after being a big PITA before and during the wedding) didn't give us a wedding gift.  Okay, so that's fine, because we know she's having issues getting her alimony payments from her douchetastic ex-husband (which is why we were willing to pay for her hotel and put her up at our place and cover the cost of her makeup and hair and whatnot). 

BUT.  She didn't even get us a card.  Like, nothing.  Not only that, but when we took her out to dinner with her boyfriend two nights before the wedding she made a point of being all "well then we'll add it to your wedding gift!" when we insisted on paying for dinner.  I'm still pissy about not getting a card.  I mean seriously.  Your only brother, you're in the wedding, and you can't even get us a card?!?  UGH.  I still love her but I kind of want to throw something at her head for this. 

wadingmoose

Did it maybe go missing at the wedding?

PharmacyBride

Maybe she felt a card by itself without money or a gift attached seemed pathetic.  But she should have wrote a nice message inside the card for him!

kikibaby

She may be sending it later when she can afford it.  I have to admit, I do think it's kinda silly to be upset about someone not getting you a gift/card.  We didn't get one single card or gift at our wedding- but they were there, which was the important part.

Mrs.B6302007

I would expect a card, too.  That sucks.

NuggetBrain

Here's the thing though, and you'd have to know her to understand, she's one of those people where if you don't get something at the event, you're not going to get it later.  I doubt it was lost at the wedding because we sent out our thank yous, and his other sister got one and showed it to Big Sis, who commented on how nice it was and stuff.  But she never said anything about "why didn't I get one?" and she totally would have if she'd given us a card and we hadn't said thank you for it.

Kiki - I know it's inappropriate.  That's why my title says it.  I feel like I should clone myself, so I can kick myself in the ass for being such a 'tard.  But still.  I think it's because we did so much for her to make the wedding easier, and she didn't even say thank you let alone get us a congrats card for the wedding.  I don't care about a gift.  But I would think a card from Target wouldn't be too much to ask.

NuggetBrain

His other sister didn't say thank you either for letting her and the girls stay at our place, which made Noodle irritated a little, but her little one was real sick (I think her ears were screwed up from flying) and she was a crying, screaming mess the entire weekend, which really flustered and upset his sister so I figured she had bigger things to worry about than saying thanks with a sick baby.  Plus, she got us a card and a very nice gift, so I think that's thanks enough. 

kikibaby

Noodle, I did forget you helped her out, so yeah- in that case, I probably would expect at least a card saying "thanks for everything!". 

BeeBee22

Yah - I think your disgruntlement is totally understandable.  It's good to vent it out of your system here. Prevents ulcers.

Pirata13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inappropriately-resentful?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:fae6c18f-bd11-4040-b303-5d79b4c1f479Post:125756c9-33b4-4658-8bc1-ad4ae968b9dd">Re: Inappropriately Resentful</a>:
[QUOTE]His other sister didn't say thank you either for letting her and the girls stay at our place, which made Noodle irritated a little, but her little one was real sick (I think her ears were screwed up from flying) and she was a crying, screaming mess the entire weekend, which really flustered and upset his sister so I figured she had bigger things to worry about than saying thanks with a sick baby.  Plus, she got us a card and a very nice gift, so I think that's thanks enough. 
Posted by NuggetBrain[/QUOTE]

See, this is the exact situation I WOULD send a nice thank you!  "Dear Noodle & Nugget, I just wanted to thank you again for letting the girls and I stay at your place for the wedding.  With the little one being so unusually miserable, it was really nice to be somewhere that felt a little like 'home'. Thanks again, Your Sister."

NuggetBrain

We even had to drive Big Sis and her boyfriend around while they were here.  We offered to let them stay at our place for the two nights they would be here (and then paid for the hotel on Friday night by the reception), but apparently her boyfriend didn't feel comfortable staying there because he'd never met us before,  so they got a hotel downtown.  But didn't bother renting a car.  Which meant we had to pick them up for the rehearsal dinner, and then take them back.  And pick them up from the hotel for dinner on Weds, and then take them back.  And pick her up for running to get her nails done, and take her back.  And pay for her makeup, which she didn't bother to have done, because she decided to go out to breakfast with her boyfriend the morning of the wedding and didn't get back to the hotel in time, even though we told them repeatedly at the rehearsal that breakfast would be provided and everybody needed to be at the hotel to get ready at 10am.

banana468

If it makes you feel better, I felt the same way when my brother didn't get us anything.    He wound up giving us a very generous Christmas gift but prior to it I mentioned to my mother, "WTF is up with brother?  I know he doesn't HAVE to give me anything but I'm his only sister FFS!"

TatiMarie

 I  know some people might say, "Move on. Maybe you'll get one later. NBD" However, I would be upset and a little hurt.  I always send a thank you card when I stay with the FMIL & FFIL, who live out of state because I want them to know how greatful I am for their hospitality. Plus, his family, my family, and most of my friends are the type of get cards for every occassion.  I understand if maybe she couldn't afford the gift or even the card, but a nice hand written note would be just as nice for me.  Maybe that's just me though ::shrugs""

AmoroAgain

I didn't get anything from my mom or either of my sisters.  Still haven't and probably never will.  It bothers me to hell and back, but I know it's not going to change ever so... I've had to let it go.

laladypoet

NO ONE HAS TO BRING YOU A GIFT, GAHHHHHHHHHH.


kidding. that sucks.

BeeBee22

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inappropriately-resentful?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fae6c18f-bd11-4040-b303-5d79b4c1f479Post:b8550a23-34be-4dc4-8e13-e3931b6e4c7c">Re: Inappropriately Resentful</a>:
[QUOTE]We even had to drive Big Sis and her boyfriend around while they were here.  We offered to let them stay at our place for the two nights they would be here (and then paid for the hotel on Friday night by the reception), but apparently her boyfriend didn't feel comfortable staying there because he'd never met us before,  so they got a hotel downtown.  But didn't bother renting a car.  Which meant we had to pick them up for the rehearsal dinner, and then take them back.  And pick them up from the hotel for dinner on Weds, and then take them back.  And pick her up for running to get her nails done, and take her back.  And pay for her makeup, which she didn't bother to have done, because she decided to go out to breakfast with her boyfriend the morning of the wedding and didn't get back to the hotel in time, even though we told them repeatedly at the rehearsal that breakfast would be provided and everybody needed to be at the hotel to get ready at 10am.
Posted by NuggetBrain[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Good lord! How clueless can she be?! 

</div>

angie74

come to think of it, I don't think my brother gave us a gift or card. but I just don't care about that stuff. he was there, we had a lot of fun, he was in the wedding party, he was happy and excited to be there, he helped A TON with setting up and getting ready... he doesn't owe us anything.

I say you should let it go

NuggetBrain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inappropriately-resentful?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:fae6c18f-bd11-4040-b303-5d79b4c1f479Post:c3325605-334b-488d-ac83-50d5bb4dc37b">Re: Inappropriately Resentful</a>:
[QUOTE]come to think of it, I don't think my brother gave us a gift or card. but I just don't care about that stuff. he was there, we had a lot of fun, he was in the wedding party, <strong>he was happy and excited to be there, he helped A TON with setting up and getting ready..</strong>. he doesn't owe us anything. I say you should let it go :)
Posted by angie74[/QUOTE]

There-in lies the difference, however, between your brother and his sister.

MommyMarta08

if this happened to me, I'd just say to her "I went through all the cards and I am so worried we misplaced yours! what color was it? did you put it in my cardbox? Do you think one of the waitstaff took it?"

andy71781

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inappropriately-resentful?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:fae6c18f-bd11-4040-b303-5d79b4c1f479Post:92ff7927-e54f-4822-8158-ea6536cc6217">Re: Inappropriately Resentful</a>:
[QUOTE]I didn't get anything from my mom or either of my sisters.  Still haven't and probably never will.  It bothers me to hell and back, but I know it's not going to change ever so... I've had to let it go.
Posted by AmoroAgain[/QUOTE]

No gift from my mom either.  My sister got a card at least from my mom at her wedding.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I can't say I wouldn't feel resentful about it. I mean, my brother, who is super poor, a recent college grad, works 60 hours a week for peanuts, and is having my parents pay for his flight and hotel, still asked where we were registered. I told him there were lots of things on the registry for under $25 and he said, "No, I'll get you something nicer than that." One of our GMs, who literally lives on the poverty line and I never in a million years expected would get us a gift asked me where we were registered the other day.

I really do understand being poor, not being able to afford something nice, and being embarassed by that. But on the other side, it's totally the thought that counts. I'm not getting married for gifts, but well-wishes from my nearest and dearest would be nice.

ohwhynot

I'd be sad about it, too.  Although, in some families, it's almost as if cards are not necessary or too formal or something and people expect you to just *know* that they wish you the best because they're family, ya know?  Or she's just thoughtless.

A friend of Mark's showed up for the ceremony, left right after without saying anything to anyone, and never got us a card or anything.  I am still kind of scratching my head over that one. 

Goldlie11

I've said it before and I'll say it again...I don't know how people can justify showing up to a wedding with no kind of gift.  Those who are invited to a wedding are asked to attend 6-8 weeks before the event.  That is plenty of time to put away a few dollars for something.  Hell, cards are only a couple of dollars.  I would be hurt too if someone you did so much for couldn't be bothered to go to the drug store for a card.  

LuluP82

I know it's probably not the case, given the additional explanations you gave, but we once went to a wedding, planning to write a check, and forgot our checkbooks. To make matters worse, it was at a very isolated resort, and there were no ATMs on site. We had this whole debate with the other couple we were sharing a condo with-- do we just give the card (we remembered that) or did we wait and mail them a check later?

The other couple (who was married) said, if they'd gotten a card by itself at the reception, they'd have assumed that was it-- no gift coming. Since we didn't want to give that impression, we just didn't give anything at the wedding, and mailed them a card with a check a few weeks later.

Maybe she is waiting until she can better afford it, and didn't want to just give a card for fear you'd then think that was it. People have up to 1 year to give a wedding gift, etiquette-wise.

Pvtcjhalo

I personaly just spent over a grand to go to my bestfriends wedding.  I told her straight up after all that I was not getting her a gift.  I am planning on making a shadow box display with things I saved from her wedding trip, once I get the money seeing she wiped out my savings (that was MY wedding fund).  So be patient, I am not expecting one gift or card from anyone at my wedding.  When you expect nothing you get so much! 

hccpsu

Thank you for admitting this, because I feel the same way about DH's sister.  She got married four months before us, and we gave very generous shower and wedding gifts, and the wedding gift was never acknowledged.

We didn't receive a gift or even a card for our wedding, and I know it was not for financial reasons.

I like her very much, but it still bugs me that she couldn't even get us a card.  I would like to think the gift walked away at the reception, but I think that's unlikely, and I won't know unless I ask MIL, and then I'll look like a tattletale.