Wedding Etiquette Forum

Shower Host Miscommunication

My FMIL's friend (invited to the wedding) offered to host a shower but unfortunately invited guests she assumed were invited to the wedding, but were not.  We already have a large wedding but are limited by capacity of the venue. Invitations to the shower have already been mailed (my Save the Dates have also been sent), so I have to add to the wedding guest list.  My FMIL has offered to pay for the extra invitees, but the problem is not cost, we may be over extending our capacity now. My biggest fear is that we will have too many RSVP yes to fit at our reception seated dinner!  What are my options?  Are there any?? The wait and see approach terrifies me!

Re: Shower Host Miscommunication

  • Mrs.B6302007Mrs.B6302007 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited April 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_shower-host-miscommunication?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fb887200-6bbd-4cca-aab8-71a39b5d6c00Post:0102d8a0-c588-4759-b4b3-42ea92a3b695">Shower Host Miscommunication</a>:
    [QUOTE]My FMIL's friend (invited to the wedding) offered to host a shower but unfortunately invited guests she assumed were invited to the wedding, but were not.  We already have a large wedding but are limited by capacity of the venue. Invitations to the shower have already been mailed (my Save the Dates have also been sent), so I have to add to the wedding guest list.  My FMIL has offered to pay for the extra invitees, but the problem is not cost, we may be over extending our capacity now. My biggest fear is that we will have too many RSVP yes to fit at our reception seated dinner!  What are my options?  Are there any?? The wait and see approach terrifies me!
    Posted by katyf33[/QUOTE]

    CHanging venues is an option.  A big one, though so I would pass the new deposit expense along to FMIL since you'll lose the deposit on the original venue.  (If you go this route, of course).
    Why were  you not involved as far as the guest list goes?

    ETA I also agree with PP. If you had no say in the guest list for the shower, you're off the hook techincally for the wedding.  Though I can see how you want to make it right and smooth things over.
    The Bee Hive Est. June 30, 2007
    "So I sing a song of love, Julia"
    06.10.10

    BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
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  • She definitely shouldn't have sent invites without looking at your guest list but you'll still be held responsible so I don't agree with the above posters.

    Bite the bullet and invite them because if they come to your shower and don't get invited to the wedding it looks really bad on you (even though it wasn't your fault)
    BabyFetus Ticker
  • How many guests are we talking? one or two? Or twenty?


    one or two: Then either have FMIL call the people and explain that she is completely at fault & she sent invites when she shouldn't have OR invite them  & ask the venue for an extra table (but if it is a fire code thing, then FMIL has to fix it)

    If it is a lot, I would cancel the venue & book a new one.

    Planning Bio
    Married 9/15/11

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    *This is Not Legal Advice*
  • Do you have ANY guests that you were planning to invite but who did not get STDs or invites to the shower?  Any plus 1's you were planning to offer to people who got an STD for just them?   They're the first ones you could cut if switching venues/telling FMIL to deal with it aren't feasible options. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_shower-host-miscommunication?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:fb887200-6bbd-4cca-aab8-71a39b5d6c00Post:d0032b61-1f76-4f89-8792-d62c6e6fe3c3">Re: Shower Host Miscommunication</a>:
    [QUOTE]How many guests are we talking? one or two? Or twenty? one or two: <strong>Then either have FMIL call the people and explain that she is completely at fault & she sent invites when she shouldn't have</strong> OR invite them  & ask the venue for an extra table (but if it is a fire code thing, then FMIL has to fix it) If it is a lot, I would cancel the venue & book a new one.
    Posted by redheadfsu[/QUOTE]

    OP, I agree with the bolded part too.

    Can you clarify how many extra guests we're talking here?
    Call me selfish, but if I booked my "dream venue" and had to switch venues to acommodate someone else's faux paus, I don't know if I'd have the heart to do it.  Unless of course its like 15+ people, PLUS their S/Os.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_shower-host-miscommunication?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:fb887200-6bbd-4cca-aab8-71a39b5d6c00Post:8d5c91f4-29f0-45ee-b026-615fd3cfa9e9">Re: Shower Host Miscommunication</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Shower Host Miscommunication : OP, I agree with the bolded part too. Can you clarify how many extra guests we're talking here? Call me selfish, but if I booked my "dream venue" and had to switch venues to acommodate someone else's faux paus, I don't know if I'd have the heart to do it.  Unless of course its like 15+ people, PLUS their S/Os.
    Posted by LisaChris2011[/QUOTE]

    I agree.  Our venue is one of my favorite parts of the wedding, and I could never imagine changing it for something this trivial.  I know sticklers for ettiquette are scoffing at me calling this situation trivial, but I think changing the venue is a big complicated fix for an issue that "makes you look bad".

    If you are that concerned about looking bad, it should be your FMIL's responsibility to recitify the issue and make it known that it was her mistake, not your's.
  • Wow, thanks everyone!  Turns out, I followed the advice that our Catholic Marriage Prep courses gave and excercised my communications skills!  I spoke to my fiance and asked him what he thought we should do (since he knows his mother best).  He gently brought it up with her and FMIL has spoken to the "uninvited" shower guests to let them know the situation. She said they were more than understanding and she apologized to me for the miscommunication (still love her!!)  We still may be able to slide them in should we get any quick no's, but with over 300 guests and an already tight capacity, the extra 15 or so people are not weighing so heavily on my mind anymore.
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