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Wedding Etiquette Forum

Two ceremonies in two countries?

I'm not sure if this is the best place to post this, but here we go.

An old college friend of mine moved to the UK to be with his girlfriend.  They got married and had a ceremony in the UK sometime last year.  I received a save the date in the mail for what I thought was going to be something like a reception in the US, but today, I received the actual invitation, and it's going to be another full-on wedding ceremony!  Here's how the invitation is worded:

"invite you to share in the joy
of the beginning of their new life together (but they're already married!)
when they exchange marriage vows"

I know that the bride is going to wear a wedding dress and the whole nine yards.  It can't possibly be acceptable to have two wedding ceremonies, can it?  Even if they take place in different countries?  Once you're legally married, you're legally married...so wouldn't the second ceremony be something of a sham?
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Re: Two ceremonies in two countries?

  • Is the parenthetical aside your doing or does it actually appear on the invitation? That's just out of curiosity, because you are indeed correct that having a second wedding is fuucking stupid. 
    image
    Whatever you hatters be hattin. -Tay Prince
  • In some countries civil ceremonies and religious ceremonies are always separate so I think it's ok to have two weddings. For example, my mom and step dad had a civil ceremony in the US (where they live) and a Catholic ceremony in Croatia (where my SD is from). 

    But the UK is not one of these countries that separates civil and religious ceremonies so I might side eye this. 
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  • Well, the US isn't once of those countries that separates civil and religious ceremonies either. So ant US guests will probably be all "why are they having a second wedding?" like OP is. 
    image
    Whatever you hatters be hattin. -Tay Prince
  • It is a vow renewal, not a wedding.  They can dress it up all they want, but their wedding took place when they got married in the UK.

    The only way it could be called an actual wedding is if they did not get married last year in the UK as they planned. 

    While not acceptable in the etiquette world, people still do things like this.

    Does their family/friends in the US know they are already married, or is it a big secret?
    Anniversary
  • I could understand it if they were from a country that saw the civil and religious ceremonies as two completely different events but since they aren't then this is a huge
    no-no.

    And before coming to the knot I didn't know that in certain countries having two "weddings" (civil and religious) was the way things were done so unless the guests know this then yes they would side-eye it, but seeing as the UK is not one of these countries then the couple needs to be side-eyed regardless.

    I think all of that made sense.

  • LambbopLambbop member
    100 Comments
    I wonder if they are getting married in the US too so their marriage is recognized in the US as well as the UK? I agree it shouldn't be a big to do, but now I'm more curious if it's a legal reason since it sounds like he is originally from the US? Dual citizenship or something?
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_two-ceremonies-in-two-countries?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fc724510-3de3-4389-afd9-e26e521dddccPost:95371221-d1d1-48ac-bfcd-60baaa54cef5">Re: Two ceremonies in two countries?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I wonder if they are getting married in the US too so their marriage is recognized in the US as well as the UK? I agree it shouldn't be a big to do, but now I'm more curious if it's a legal reason since it sounds like he is originally from the US? Dual citizenship or something?
    Posted by Lambbop[/QUOTE]
    Why would their marriage not be recognized in the US? You don't have to get married in the US to have your marriage recognized, though I guess I might be wrong about that. But certainly the US understands that people in other countries get married right? 
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    Whatever you hatters be hattin. -Tay Prince
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_two-ceremonies-in-two-countries?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fc724510-3de3-4389-afd9-e26e521dddccPost:95371221-d1d1-48ac-bfcd-60baaa54cef5">Re: Two ceremonies in two countries?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I wonder if they are getting married in the US too so their marriage is recognized in the US as well as the UK? I agree it shouldn't be a big to do, but now I'm more curious if it's a legal reason since it sounds like he is originally from the US? Dual citizenship or something?
    Posted by Lambbop[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>A wedding in another country should still be legal in the US, provided it is legal in that country. So my mom's Catholic wedding in Croatia would not have been legal here since it was not legal there. Hence the civil ceremony here. But there is no reason a legal wedding that takes place in the UK would not be legal here and visa versa. 

    </div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_two-ceremonies-in-two-countries?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:fc724510-3de3-4389-afd9-e26e521dddccPost:95371221-d1d1-48ac-bfcd-60baaa54cef5">Re: Two ceremonies in two countries?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I wonder if they are getting married in the US too so their marriage is recognized in the US as well as the UK? I agree it shouldn't be a big to do, but now I'm more curious if it's a legal reason since it sounds like he is originally from the US? Dual citizenship or something?
    Posted by Lambbop[/QUOTE]

    I don't think it matters where in the world you are married.  A good friend of mine moved from CT to Australia and married his lovely wife, and he still retains his US citizenship. 

    Even it that were the case, I would think one would want to just do a quiet JOP-type of ceremony to cover the legality of it rather than have another full-blown affair.  But then, some people really like cake.  And gifts.
    Anniversary
  • aragx6aragx6 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    Beginning of their new life together really annoys me too -- what a ridiculous lie.
    Lizzie
  • cnf2013cnf2013 member
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    My FI's parents had two ceremonies. They met on a plane to Turkey and ended up having a American style wedding in Turkey while they lived there, then had a traditional Turkish wedding when they moved back to the states. Weird to do it backwards, but they are silly and adorable like that. They had different sets of guests at each wedding though. No one traveled from the other country to attend the other wedding, so it worked out well for their families. 
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  • Yes, the parenthetical was from me, haha.  That was what I thought when I read that line.

    You don't need to have a ceremony to be considered legally married in the US if you were married in the UK.

    The ceremony they had in the UK was religious and this one in the US is taking place at a hotel, but as some of you said, neither the UK nor the US differentiates religious and civil ceremonies.

    Is it really a vow renewal if the wife wears a wedding dress? I thought vow renewals had ceratin "rules" but I'm certainly not an expert.

    I dunno, I just don't know how to feel about this whole thing. 
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  • LambbopLambbop member
    100 Comments
    edited May 2012
    I guess I was just hoping there would be a valid reason other than wanting a PPD. You know, a valid reason other than cake and gifts :-)

    I did go all nerdy and look into it though and ya'll are right; as long as the marriage is legal in the first country it is legal in the US.
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  • Wedding:  when two consenting adults enter into wedlock via a ceremony with witness and an officiant

    Vow Renewal:  When two adults who are legally married (see above) and wish to have a do-over.

    No rules about what they can wear. 

    You have every right to check the "decline" box on the invite RSVP - it is not just for decoration, you know.
    Anniversary
  • You do not need to get married in the U.S. in order to have your foreign marriage recognized here.  I do a lot of pro bono work for Sudanese refugees here, including divorce work.  The manner in which they are married there wouldn't be legal if performed here, but because the marriage was valid under law in the country in which it was performed, it is valid here.


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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_two-ceremonies-in-two-countries?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fc724510-3de3-4389-afd9-e26e521dddccPost:63c8e85f-487b-4387-a79c-0137950bde78">Re: Two ceremonies in two countries?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yes, the parenthetical was from me, haha.  That was what I thought when I read that line. You don't need to have a ceremony to be considered legally married in the US if you were married in the UK. The ceremony they had in the UK was religious and this one in the US is taking place at a hotel, but as some of you said, neither the UK nor the US differentiates religious and civil ceremonies. Is it really a vow renewal if the wife wears a wedding dress? I thought vow renewals had ceratin "rules" but I'm certainly not an expert. I dunno, I just don't know how to feel about this whole thing. 
    Posted by ladyomnipotent[/QUOTE]<div>Any wedding-like ceremony when you're already married is technically a vow renewal. I do certainly agree, though, that it's more of a do-over, completely unnecessary second wedding. I'm particularly adamant about vow renewals, so take what I say with a grain of salt. I can't think of a single instance in which I'm ok with witnessing a couple who is already married, essentially, get married again. 

    </div>
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    Whatever you hatters be hattin. -Tay Prince
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_two-ceremonies-in-two-countries?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:fc724510-3de3-4389-afd9-e26e521dddccPost:9da708c4-5abc-41fc-8682-758589589f3e">Re: Two ceremonies in two countries?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Wedding:  when two consenting adults enter into wedlock via a ceremony with witness and an officiant Vow Renewal:  When two adults who are legally married (see above) and wish to have a do-over. No rules about what they can wear.  <strong>You have every right to check the "decline" box on the invite RSVP - it is not just for decoration, you know.
    </strong>Posted by AbbeyS2011[/QUOTE]
    Funny you should say that, because there IS NO decline box on the response card.  Lol.
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  • LambbopLambbop member
    100 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_two-ceremonies-in-two-countries?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:fc724510-3de3-4389-afd9-e26e521dddccPost:7cc7d598-7e6c-43db-b608-73b038992c93">Re: Two ceremonies in two countries?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Two ceremonies in two countries? : Funny you should say that, because there IS NO decline box on the response card.  Lol.
    Posted by ladyomnipotent[/QUOTE]

    Seriously? What are the options? Attend or Attend?
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  • In Response to Re:Two ceremonies in two countries?:[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Two ceremonies in two countries?:Wedding:nbsp; when two consenting adults enter into wedlock via a ceremony with witness and an officiant Vow Renewal:nbsp; When two adults who are legally married see above and wish to have a doover. No rules about what they can wear.nbsp; You have every right to check the "decline" box on the invite RSVP it is not just for decoration, you know.Posted by AbbeyS2011Funny you should say that, because there IS NO decline box on the response card.nbsp; Lol. Posted by ladyomnipotent[/QUOTE]Wait, really? What does it say?
  • In Response to Re:Two ceremonies in two countries?:[QUOTE]Funny you should say that, because there IS NO decline box on the response card.nbsp; Lol. Posted by ladyomnipotent[/QUOTE]

    Haha, that's great. What's the point of the card? Are they going to assume that everyone who does not send it back is not attending? Haha. I recently got an invite that had no response card and no instructions on how to RSVP. It also was addressed only to me, no FI, with an address sticker.
    photo JamieMasonWedding-8992-S.jpg
  • edited May 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_two-ceremonies-in-two-countries?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:fc724510-3de3-4389-afd9-e26e521dddccPost:cefc3677-7f13-45c4-a364-38a4f62d4edc">Re: Two ceremonies in two countries?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Two ceremonies in two countries? : Seriously? What are the options? Attend or Attend?
    Posted by Lambbop[/QUOTE]
    The response card looks like this:

    Kindly reply by June 6th, 2012
    M_________________
    Number of persons________
    Filet mignon_____ Lemon glazed chicken_____Seafood Cannelloni______

    I think they sent separate invitations to me and my fiance, because the envelope only listed my name.  Yet they ask for "number of persons" on the response card, as if I could just insert any number.

    They used an address label for my address, too.
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  • Just write your name and insert 0 for number of persons.  
  • Um... yeah...  I'm with MrsGandthebeag on this one!
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