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Wedding Etiquette Forum

Bridesmaid's tats and piercings...

One of my bridesmaids is my FH's little sister.  She's a real sweetheart and I like her a lot, I thought asking her to be a maid would bring us closer and it has.  The problem is: she keeps punching holes in her body and getting tattoos!!!

A couple of months back she posted pics of a new tattoo on Facebook and I panicked!  Luckliy it's just to the side of her belly button and it won't show through the dresses.  Now I just learned she got a belly button ring this weekend and "plans" on getting pierced again next weekend.  The belly ring won't show of course but if she gets a facial piercing, I might have a stroke.

Ladies, I already had to change my plan of short(er) dresses because of the gigantic tat on her ankle that I hate (my FIL's hate it too)  Is it awful if I ask her not to get any more piercings or tats that are going to be visible until after the wedding?  She already has three or four holes in each ear, honestly, how many fancy earrings am I expected to make for her?? (I'm making all of the girl's earrings and bracelets)

I'm not anti-body art by any means.  I love tattoos and like some piercings.  I just don't want to be looking at my wedding album someday and have my kids (that aren't born yet lol) look and say "Momma! Auntie Lizzie's nose/eyebrow/lip/tongue  ring is in every picture!!"

Advice?  Should I just relax, keep my mouth shut and pray that she doesn't show up with a tribal armband?  LoL
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Re: Bridesmaid's tats and piercings...

  • There is makeup to cover tattoos.  It's rude to expect her to not get any more tattoos or piercings until after your wedding just because you don't want it in pictures.
  • It would be absolutely ridiculous of you to ask that.  It's her body and she can do what she wants with it.  Your wedding is one day and frankly no one will be oogling at her.  They will be looking at you. 

    Maybe your kids will say, "Mom!  Auntie Lizzie is a badass!  Yay for her being an individual and not conforming to The Man!"

    You just keep your mouth shut and pray that you stop being selfish.
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  • I think  you knew she had tats and piercing when you asked her to be a BM, and it's just part of who she is, so you just need to deal with it. 
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaids-tats-piercings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:fe16588d-5423-4466-8d2d-afe07522bf23Post:3e231c9f-ccdd-4ea0-84f3-489797423505">Bridesmaid's tats and piercings...</a>:
    [QUOTE]One of my bridesmaids is my FH's little sister.  She's a real sweetheart and I like her a lot, I thought asking her to be a maid would bring us closer and it has.  The problem is: she keeps punching holes in her body and getting tattoos!!! A couple of months back she posted pics of a new tattoo on Facebook and I panicked!  Luckliy it's just to the side of her belly button and it won't show through the dresses.  Now I just learned she got a belly button ring this weekend and "plans" on getting pierced again next weekend.  The belly ring won't show of course but if she gets a facial piercing, I might have a stroke. Ladies, I already had to change my plan of short(er) dresses because of the gigantic tat on her ankle that I hate (my FIL's hate it too)  Is it awful if I ask her not to get any more piercings or tats that are going to be visible until after the wedding?  She already has three or four holes in each ear, honestly, how many fancy earrings am I expected to make for her?? (I'm making all of the girl's earrings and bracelets) I'm not anti-body art by any means.  I love tattoos and like some piercings.  I just don't want to be looking at my wedding album someday and have my kids (that aren't born yet lol) look and say "Momma! Auntie Lizzie's nose/eyebrow/lip/tongue  ring is in every picture!!" Advice?  Should I just relax, keep my mouth shut and pray that she doesn't show up with a tribal armband?  LoL
    Posted by 526SadieSadie[/QUOTE]

    Chill. It's not that big of a deal. If she looks bad, she looks bad. Her choice. If you think it looks awful in your pictures, that's what photoshop is for. As for the earrings, why not just make one pair for her and let her wear simple studs in the other holes?
  • Geez ladies, draw in the claws.  Thanks to the couple of responders that are classy enough to say it without insulting me.
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  • Ditto Dani.

    This is who she is.  It wouldn't be appropriate for you to ask her ot be in your wedding as some alternate personality.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaids-tats-piercings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fe16588d-5423-4466-8d2d-afe07522bf23Post:4c41b193-9024-4210-a5b2-0b52151e81aa">Re: Bridesmaid's tats and piercings...</a>:
    [QUOTE]There is makeup to cover tattoos.  It's rude to expect her to not get any more tattoos or piercings until after your wedding just because you don't want it in pictures.
    Posted by pirategal03[/QUOTE]

    It would also be crappy of you to ask her to cover her tattoos with make-up.  Just fyi.
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  • You really can't dictate what the bm's do to their bodies. How is that any different from asking a bm to lose weight, or dye her hair? It is part of her physical appearance, and it is her choice.
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  • She can do what she wants to her body. I had an eyebrow ring, myself, until about a year ago. I would have been pissed if someone told me to take it out for something. Though I would have put in a clear retainer if really necessary.

    I have multiple ear piercings and rarely wear earrings in all the holes, though if I do, I simply wear studs in all the holes except the first one and the top one, which has a horseshoe. So if you make, say, dangly silver earings, she can wear studs or silver hoops in the rest. My FSIL has about 12 piercings in her left ear, and all are small, tasteful hoops.
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  • ZONOES!! If you have a tattoo'd BM, your wedding will be OVER!  My MOH has a huge tattoo on her ankle, two on each of her wrists, one on her shoulder and one on her upper arm. 

    My younger sister has 2 on her feet and my older sister has three on her back.  Somehow, I managed to get married, and not have the devil pop out during the ceremony.  Nor do you even notice it in the photos. 

    How about you just accept a person's individuality?
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaids-tats-piercings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fe16588d-5423-4466-8d2d-afe07522bf23Post:3e231c9f-ccdd-4ea0-84f3-489797423505">Bridesmaid's tats and piercings...</a>:
    [QUOTE] I just don't want to be looking at my wedding album someday and have my kids (that aren't born yet lol) look and say "<strong>Momma! Auntie Lizzie's nose/eyebrow/lip/tongue  ring is in every picture!!</strong>" Advice?  Should I just relax, keep my mouth shut and pray that she doesn't show up with a tribal armband?  LoL
    Posted by 526SadieSadie[/QUOTE]


    Umm.. I'm fairly certain that your future children will be exposed to the  tats and piercings long before they see you wedding album.  I think you are overreacting.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • I would NEVER tell one of my girls they "had" to lose weight because I live in a nice shiny glass house and the stones stay in the driveway where they belong. I love that she's an individual and chooses to express herself but I really didn't think it would be that big of a deal to ask her to wait a couple more months to get whatever tat/piercing she wanted.  However, due to the landslide response to the contrary, I'm not going to say a word.  I have a feeling that when my FMIL sees the belly ring that she's going to say it for me anyway LoL
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaids-tats-piercings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:fe16588d-5423-4466-8d2d-afe07522bf23Post:20ca79aa-14e3-40f3-80af-34a802fbc3d6">Re: Bridesmaid's tats and piercings...</a>:
    [QUOTE]ZONOES!! If you have a tattoo'd BM, your wedding will be OVER!  My MOH has a huge tattoo on her ankle, two on each of her wrists, one on her shoulder and one on her upper arm.  My younger sister has 2 on her feet and my older sister has three on her back.  Somehow, I managed to get married, and not have the devil pop out during the ceremony.  <strong>Nor do you even notice it in the photos.</strong>  How about you just accept a person's individuality?
    Posted by AmoroAgain[/QUOTE]

    I noticed your MOH, but just thought she must be way cooler than me.
  • Don't say anything to her about it. And don't make more than one set of fancy earrings for her, plain studs would look better in all holes but the bottom ones.

    Seeing as your future children will most likely already know their aunt, who would very likely have the same piercings, they would not be suprised to see her with them in your wedding pictures.
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  • Dude, Sadie. You're a spazz. It's not that big of a deal.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaids-tats-piercings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fe16588d-5423-4466-8d2d-afe07522bf23Post:49cf5570-68d8-47a1-ba53-acfeac1ae44c">Re: Bridesmaid's tats and piercings...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I would NEVER tell one of my girls they "had" to lose weight because I live in a nice shiny glass house and the stones stay in the driveway where they belong. I love that she's an individual and chooses to express herself but I really didn't think it would be that big of a deal to ask her to wait a couple more months to get whatever tat/piercing she wanted.  However, due to the landslide response to the contrary, I'm not going to say a word.  I have a feeling that when my FMIL sees the belly ring that she's going to say it for me anyway LoL
    Posted by 526SadieSadie[/QUOTE]

    It is none of your business what she does.  At all, ever.  If her mom says it, that's fine, it's a mother's prerogative. But jimminy, your wedding will be no less wonderful because someone has some piercings and tattoos.  You can't even see my BM's in any of the photos.
  • IMy point was that you wouldn't ask her to change other aspects of her physical appearace, so why would tattoos be any different?
    If the tattoos were sexual or had profanity, I could see having to cover them for a church wedding. That doesn't sound like the case. I have several tattoos, and most people don't even know I have them. They are personal, and really only my opinion of them matters. You, personally, don't care for her tattoos or piercings. That's fine; don't get tattoos or piercings.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaids-tats-piercings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:fe16588d-5423-4466-8d2d-afe07522bf23Post:3e231c9f-ccdd-4ea0-84f3-489797423505">Bridesmaid's tats and piercings...</a>:
    [QUOTE]One of my bridesmaids is my FH's little sister.  <strong>She's a real sweetheart and I like her a lot</strong>  Posted by 526SadieSadie[/QUOTE]

    This is all that should matter when you ask people to be in your wedding. You answered your own question in the 2nd sentence. No, the tatts.piercings are not a big deal, and yes you are overreacting. It's easy to do, but don't say anything to her you may regret.

    My MOH had a nose ring in my wedding, and not one person noticed except my MIL. She got over it (because she had to).
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaids-tats-piercings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fe16588d-5423-4466-8d2d-afe07522bf23Post:45319bfc-6a21-4acd-aae6-ca8375473229">Re: Bridesmaid's tats and piercings...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid's tats and piercings... : It would also be crappy of you to ask her to cover her tattoos with make-up.  Just fyi.
    Posted by danieliza1127[/QUOTE]

    Dani's generally right here. 

    I was thinking of a friend who's bridesmaid's tattoos weren''t appropriate (as determined by the church) for the wedding in the church.  She asked the bridesmaid to cover up the detailed naked lady tattoo for the church service and the bridesmaid chose to use makeup to cover it.
  • I agree with PPs... it's really not that big of a deal. Let the poor girl do what she wants with her own body.
  • Ummm yeah the, "I don't want my future children to see the pictures because" is an excuse. Just admit that you don't like all her tats or piercings.

    I have a question. Did she all of the sudden change into a person who enjoys body art or was she always this way? I am sure she has always been this way. It would be rude to ask her to cover her tattoos now. Just suck it up.
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  • edited March 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaids-tats-piercings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fe16588d-5423-4466-8d2d-afe07522bf23Post:49cf5570-68d8-47a1-ba53-acfeac1ae44c">Re: Bridesmaid's tats and piercings...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I would NEVER tell one of my girls they "had" to lose weight because I live in a nice shiny glass house and the stones stay in the driveway where they belong. <strong>I love that she's an individual and chooses to express herself but I really didn't think it would be that big of a deal to ask her to wait a couple more months to get whatever tat/piercing she wanted. </strong> However, due to the landslide response to the contrary, I'm not going to say a word.  I have a feeling that when my FMIL sees the belly ring that she's going to say it for me anyway LoL
    Posted by 526SadieSadie[/QUOTE]

    I don't think it's right to ask anyone to put off doing anything in <em>their</em> own personal lives for <em>your</em> wedding. Ever. It's just not that important. I'm glad you decided to take everyone's advice.



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  • My MOH has tattoos, and I would never insult her by telling her to cover them up or to ask her not get anymore before wedding day.
  • My sister had a big tattoo on her arm.  It was offensive because it was so ugly.
    The day she came home with it I told her she looked like trash.

    But she's pretty awesome anyway, so I let her be my MOH :)
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaids-tats-piercings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fe16588d-5423-4466-8d2d-afe07522bf23Post:738907e7-7827-4a59-a34c-0a5097449d6e">Re: Bridesmaid's tats and piercings...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Geez ladies, draw in the claws.  Thanks to the couple of responders that are classy enough to say it without insulting me.
    Posted by 526SadieSadie[/QUOTE]

    Go away now, thanks.

    Your question was ridiculous. That's why people are being catty. You think it's catty, but OMG!! Like, my FSIL keeps getting tatoos!!111!11 If you don't like her tatoos, you shouldn't have asked her to be a bm in the first place. GROW UP.
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  • What is it about weddings that make people think that they are suddenly able to tell other people what to do with their bodies?

    No, you have no right to even comment on her body art, much less ask her not to do it.  You are not her mother.  
  • Well, this is exactly why I put up an ad on Craigslist for tall, thin, tattoo free girls to stand as my BMs.  Sooo much easier.
  • Would it bother me too?  Yes.  Would I say anything?  No.  The fact is you knew her personality and knew about the tats and stuff when you asked her.  You have to accept her as she is.

    Now question for all the PPs.  If she didn't have any tats or things when asked would the bride be able to say anything if the BM suddenly went crazy with tats and stuff out of the blue? 
  • Oh. My brother has a full sleeve on his right arm. I keep forgetting. Guess I shouldn't ask him to be an usher, huh?

    My friend refrained from getting a large back piece until after her brother's wedding, however that was her decision. (She probably thought her mom wouldn't be happy.) No one asked her, and THAT is the important part.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaids-tats-piercings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fe16588d-5423-4466-8d2d-afe07522bf23Post:ae3aa5fe-c7b0-42e4-831c-e9dd9e907d05">Re: Bridesmaid's tats and piercings...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Would it bother me too?  Yes.  Would I say anything?  No.  The fact is you knew her personality and knew about the tats and stuff when you asked her.  You have to accept her as she is. Now question for all the PPs. <strong> If she didn't have any tats or things when asked would the bride be able to say anything if the BM suddenly went crazy with tats and stuff out of the blue? </strong>
    Posted by britne28[/QUOTE]


    Hell no.  It's her body and she can do what she wants, no matter what.  It's the same as a BM getting pregnant after you asked her.
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