Wedding Invitation Etiquette

kderek

The bride's family is paying for the reception and typical things for the bride's family. The groom's family is paying for the groom's cake, officiant from out of town, etc. The bride's mother thinks that only their name should go on the invitation. The groom's mother thinks that both sets of parents should go on the invitation and I can't seem to find a good rule to defuse the situation.

Help, please!

banana468

What about listing the brides parents as hosts but list the groom as "son of Mr. and Mrs. Needmynameontheinvititation"

This way the bride's parents are listed as hosts and the groom's parents are on there. 

shannonalise

Both sets of parents should be on the invitation. Traditionally, it was the family that was hosting the wedding (i.e., paying for everything), but that tradition has somewhat died, although some still follow the rule.

Considering that both sets of parents are contributing, I would include both. If nothing else, just to be polite. That's what we're doing.

lyndausvi

ditto banana... That is what we did.

banana468

But just out of curiosity, besides the cake and officiant, what else makes up the "etc"?

petehole

Both sets of parents' names should be on the invitations if both are contributing.

For ours, we are paying and planning, and both sets of parents are providing quite a bit, so ours is "......together with their parents........invite you to...."  

banana468

Petehole, hosting and paying aren't the same (but they often are).  The hosts' names go at the top. 

hgahagan

To keep both familes happy we went with "Jane Doe and John Doe together with their families..."

brookelynpaisley

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-invitation-etiquette-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:fe7dc41c-bb57-4c1d-b111-3771498925ecPost:296a71e1-2654-4b8e-a185-eb13b05307e5">Re: Wedding Invitation Etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]Petehole, hosting and paying aren't the same (but they often are).  The hosts' names go at the top. 
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

This exactly. Banana is wise, as always.

banana468

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-invitation-etiquette-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fe7dc41c-bb57-4c1d-b111-3771498925ecPost:b40bbf34-5698-4ea0-91b8-406ee5d3a4ea">Re: Wedding Invitation Etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding Invitation Etiquette : This exactly. Banana is wise, as always.
Posted by brookelynpaisley[/QUOTE]

I'm tired but I'm blushing!

SaraAndrew2010

Unless there is a lot of 'etc', I wouldn't say that paying for the groom's cake and officiant really counts as the groom's parents co-hosting the wedding.  In this case I wouldn't say you are obligated to include the groom's parents on the invites.  However, if leaving them off the invites would cause major discord, the "son of Mr and Mrs FILs" might be a good solution like banana said.

ohwhynot

I see on TK a lot about how hosting doesn't necessarily mean paying.  Not saying I disagree, but what exactly does "hosting" a party mean, then, if not providing the food/drink for your guests?  We often read how it is the host's duty to make sure no one has to open his/her wallet for anything.  So how does that not equal paying? 

Can someone explain what it means to be the host of a party that someone else funds?  Not being snarky, just genuinely curious.  What does a host do, then? 

banana468

If you turned over the cash and just said, "Do with this what you want," and then stepped away, you may not necessarily be hosting.   It's not common to see someone who paid that isn't a host(or hostess) but it can happen.

Think "Today throws a wedding".  They pay for it but Meredith and Matt don't make sure that the guests have had enough to eat. 

anpayne1

Question that goes along with this....
what if his parents are divorced & his mom is remarried....do we need to then put his stepdad on there too or no? we are so confused about what to do because his mom got upset that we did not put his stepdads name on our announcement but it only asked for dad and mom on the paper we filled out.

banana468

Absolutely stepdad goes on there.

Think "social unit" here. 

anpayne1

Thank you very much. I just wanted to make sure. I just am not sure how that would be worded then?