Wedding Etiquette Forum

What Would E Do?

So, FI's younger sister's having a birthday party tonight.  Originally it was at a bar that we hate to go to, but we were going to suck it up and go anyway and stay until one of us old folks got a raging headache from all the noise.

Now she has changed it from a bar with actual tables where we can sit and somewhat socialize (even though it's too loud for a conversation) to see some concert.  It's going to be the exact opposite of a place FI and I would enjoy, AND it isn't like we'll get to even talk to her.  We don't really want to shell out 20 bucks to be miserable. 

But she will take major offense if we do not go.  

If she weren't such a drama llama, we would probably say something along the lines of "This isn't really our scene and we can't afford to shell out the money.  We'd love to take you to lunch tomorrow instead"  But we're both afraid she'll turn it into a major thing involving the entire family (this has happened before over things more minor).  

Re: What Would E Do?

  • I'd skip the party and offer lunch tomorrow.  Now that she's a year older, maybe she's a grown up enough to understand that a concert is hardly a bonding experience.
  • "OMG can you believe that shellfish I ate for lunch was recalled by the FDA? I'm so sorry we had to miss your birthday celebration, please let us take you out to lunch to make up for it!" Although, TBH, lunch can come out to be more than the cost of the concert. That's usually my experience when I've been in similar situations, anyway.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_would-e?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ffa4aea1-b25f-466d-a6a5-fc974b39b705Post:bc8b7159-80a6-4436-acde-f12aa240263a">Re: What Would E Do?</a>:
    [QUOTE]"OMG can you believe that shellfish I ate for lunch was recalled by the FDA? I'm so sorry we had to miss your birthday celebration, please let us take you out to lunch to make up for it!"<strong> Although, TBH, lunch can come out to be more than the cost of the concert. That's usually my experience when I've been in similar situations, anyway.</strong>
    Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

    <div>This is true, but honestly even when I was a piss poor college student, I would have rather spent a little more money to be in an environment where I could actually converse with someone and have fun, than save a few bucks and be miserable the whole time/not be able to interact with people as well.  </div><div>
    </div>
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  • Yeah, it could.  But not if we purchased alchol at the concert.  Which we would need to do to get through the concert.

    We were leaning towards option 2 already (in case you couldn't tell by my highly biased poll)
  • Simply FatedSimply Fated member
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    edited January 2012
    LP, I agree, totally. I'd rather spend more money on something I enjoy than some of that money on something I dont. I just wanted to point out that if the money was a big issue, then the cost of the lunch should be considered, ya know?
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  • Here's my opinion on your options:
    • You'd probaby spend more than 20 on lunch tomorrow, so your not saving money by skipping the concert. 
    • If it's totally about money be honest but if someone offers to pick up the tab for you you're stuck.
    • It's her birthday you're doing something that she would like to do. If it was "I'm going out tonight, wanna come?" I'd go for "no thanks not my thing but how about lunch tomorrow." but It's her B-Day so I don't think that's right. 
    • If you really can't bear to go, Fake something then offer lunch as away to make up for it.
    • Or, Deal with it because It's her birthday and you care about her. 
    Persoally I'd suck it up and go.

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  • I was going to suggest #2 before I saw it was an option! I'd go with that. How old is she? Does she just act really immature? I would totally understand someone not wanting to pay to come to a concert that isn't their thing. If it was free, like a bar with no cover, I'd say go for a little bit and leave. But I would not spend $40 for the two of you to go to a concert where, in all actuality, you'll probably hardly even see her. If she wants to get mad about you offering to take her to lunch tomorrow, that's just ridiculous.


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  • aaaaaaand we're off the hook.

    She's canceling the party because she's hungover.

    Also, Rose, just because it's her birthday- she can choose to celebrate her birthday however she likes.  It doesn't make me rude if I choose not to attend.
  • Offer to take her out to lunch, but don't make it about the money. Just tell her you're not comfortable with the scene. The  best way to ensure that drama queens keep at it is accommodating their demands. All you can do is shrug your shoulders and say, "Oh well. Be pissed if you want to be pissed. This just isn't our thing, but we'd love to help you celebrate in a different way."
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  • Glad you're off the hook!  I'm really not a fan of letting sisters emotionally blackmail you into obeying them, so I voted for number two, but I really meant "invite her to lunch, and ptbbbt to her if she gets upset."  Still, dodging the bullet entirely is better yet.
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  • I'd offer to meet her for a drink or dinner before the concert, then jet when everyone goes to line up.
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  • I'm all about the food poisioning option - people don't question food poisioning 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_would-e?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ffa4aea1-b25f-466d-a6a5-fc974b39b705Post:9eb2645a-e82a-41ad-9b71-2f3c5d41c0bc">Re: What Would E Do?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Here's my opinion  on your options: You'd probaby spend more than 20 on lunch tomorrow, so your not saving money by skipping the concert.  If it's totally about money be honest but if someone offers to pick up the tab for you you're stuck. It's her birthday you're doing something that she would like to do. If it was "I'm going out tonight, wanna come?" I'd go for "no thanks not my thing but how about lunch tomorrow."<strong> but It's her B-Day so I don't think that's right.</strong>  If you really can't bear to go, Fake something then offer lunch as away to make up for it. <strong>Or, Deal with it because It's her birthday </strong>and you care about her.  Persoally I'd suck it up and go.
    Posted by Rose March[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>If someone is old enough to go to a bar for their birthday, they are old enough to not throw a hissy fit when someone can't or doesn't want to attend. Would you really want to force or guilt trip someone to attend something where they'd be uncomfortable?</div><div>
    </div><div>Glad you're off the hook, OP!

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