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S/O poll: Compromises and inconveniences

- How did you/will you inconvenience your guests, and what other compromises did you make that you think will affect them? 

- Why did you make those choices?
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Re: S/O poll: Compromises and inconveniences

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    uppereastgirluppereastgirl member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Us: 
    1.  Wedding was on a holiday weekend (Saturday of Labor Day weekend).  Why?  We love September weather, but it gets hurricaney at the end of the month, and the weekend of September 8 was already booked up.
    2.  Wedding was in the middle of nowhere, and most guests drove more than 45 minutes to get there.  Why?  Because I'm from the middle of nowhere (right near where the wedding was) and got married near home.  To me 45 minutes to go somewhere is nothing because I grew up where I did, but a lot of people from LI seemed baffled that there weren't a ton of conveniences within 3 miles (although to be fair, where they're from a 3 mile drive could take a half an hour because of congestion).
    3.  4.  Church was about a 20 minute drive down country roads from the reception.  Why?  See 2 above.  And since my parents don't have a church, I'm not confirmed, and we don't live in the area (therefore are not parishioners anywhere), few churches were willing to take us.  One in my hometown was.
    4.  OOT hotels were more than 20 minutes from reception venue, and more like a half an hour from the church.  Why?  See 2 above.  There were no better options.  There were 10 rooms at the venue, but they were $350 a night so few wanted to stay there.
    4.  Only one choice of entree.  Why?  That's all the venue would do.  It was a dual entree though (filet and lobster tail), and there were off-menu options for vegetarians and allergies.
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    edited December 2011
    My wedding is on a Friday. Ceremony at 4pm and Reception at 6:30pm 30 minutes away. My ceremony will last an hour so there will be an hour and a half gap which guests can drive to the hotel and/or reception (or wait for the shuttle etc.)

    I honestly don't feel like I'm inconveniencing anyone. We are inviting 140 people and I'm expecting all those invited to show (with the exception of some people not bringing dates). We didn't choose a Friday for any "deals" but rather for sentimental reasons (my parents anniversary) and we really didn't feel like waiting another year just to get married on a Saturday. The only thing we're getting a "deal" on is the DJ- our reception venue doesn't have different pricing for the menu we chose based on the day of the week.
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    edited December 2011
    Our wedding is about an hour drive from where most of our family/friends live and this might be an inconvenience to some, especially since the location is kind of out there in the woods. However the ceremony doesn't start until 6pm on a Saturday and ceremony and reception will be on the same grounds so I'm hoping this isn't too much of a bother...The other thing, well my ceremony and cocktail hour will be outside (praying for good weather) so it might be a little hot for some since it on 08/28....
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    mbcdefgmbcdefg member
    5 Love Its First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Inconveniences: 

    * a 2- or 3-hour gap between the ceremony and the reception

    * parking near the church is somewhat limited, so I'm afraid that if people cannot find street parking (or are afraid to do so because of not being familiar with the neighborhood and its parking rules) then they may have to use a pay lot around the corner.

    * hall is about a 30-40 minute drive from the church

    * OOT hotel is about a 15-20 minute drive from the hall  

    Why:

    * marrying in my family's church was my one non-negotiable item for the entire wedding, so finding a closer church (or skipping a church ceremony and finding a secular site) was not an option for me.

    * we're marrying in Hudson County, so all the reception halls within about 15 minutes from the church were either too expensive for our budget because of the skyline views, or they're just really icky and gross.

    * there didn't seem to be any hotels closer to the hall, plus the one we picked seemed to have the best Knot reviews, one of the best rates and the free amenities (breakfast, shuttle service).

    * I hate to sound like a snot, but there have been multiple times when we're really bent over backward without complaint to attend events for some family members and friends. We really don't ask anything of anyone, and IMO these inconveniences aren't awful or totally unreasonable (we've gone to weddings with MUCH longer gaps and commute time), so I think that people will be O.K. dealing with things like this for just one day for us.
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    alliecarrie41alliecarrie41 member
    First Anniversary First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    my wedding was a friday at 4pm.  nearly all my guests were in an hour radius so i don't feel this was an inconvience at all.  90% came to the church.

     reception was 20 minutes down country roads and cocktails were immediate after, so no gap there. 

    getting married in the middle of nowhere (warwick) there are no hotels, only b&bs, so no blocking or shuttles, but again, i don't think this was a nusiance to anyone since most drove home, others found their own rooms and stayed the weekend.  there were 6 roms at the chateau which worked out perfectly as part of my gift to the BP and they stayed with us. 

    it was columbus day weekend which i didn't even realize until after i booked, but who cares about columbus day? 

    no limos for bridal party, everyone drove themselves except DH & me.  no complaints and much easier.  i didn't ask much of anything from my BP or family, so everything went as smoothly as it could. 

    i also don't mean to sound like a snob, but like MB, i've also bent over backwards for others and when my turn came around, i made it as simple as i possibly could.  i've driven across three states, OOT, and had to spend 2 nights in an overpriced awful hotel for one wedding of friends we aren't even friends with much anymore and they didn't even RSVP on time to ours (didn't come, didn't send a gift).  all in all, you do what you can, some things you can very easily fix/change/be flexible with (like moving your cocktails up 30 minutes to better accomodate your guests vs thinking all about you getting pictures taken in the gap) others cannot.
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    Danes983Danes983 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    1.We are getting married on NYE which is considered a holiday I guess and its on a Friday.

    2.We are getting married in the winter (doesnt bother me but seem to makes family upset incase of bad weather)

    3.We are getting married equidistance between my family and his so its about an hr or so drive for everyone.  I thought I was being nice. Apparently not. People are annoyed they have to drive to N Jersey (my FI family that is)
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    FutureMrsF111FutureMrsF111 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My wedding is on a Sunday evening. I had more choices because a lot of vendors I wanted were already booked most Saturdays in October, it saved a lot of money and it meant that I could start nearly 2 hours earlier since I didnt have to wait for sundown.

    I think that is the only real inconvenience unless black tie is considered one. The hotel is close and $89 a night and most people are close enough that they will not have to stay if they dont want to, Im providing a shuttle, there is no break between ceremony and reception because they are at the same place.

    Im providing activities for OOT guests on Saturday, dinner Sat night, breakfast Monday morning, arranging for rides to and from the airport for family and close friends
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    Lola MinnieLola Minnie member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Not to sound snobish either but if people find it as an inconvenience then don't come :) but I understand the point of the poll to get different views.

    I have a 4 hour gap between church and reception which doesn't bother me in the least because the guests that go to the church can just go home in between. That's what I usually do when I go to the church in jeans and get dressed after the ceremony. All of my friends weddings have had about the same gap to be honest.
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    Lola MinnieLola Minnie member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    oh and the choice was because the church (my parish) had that time available and the other room at my venue had chosen the earlier cocktail hour so we had to do 730.
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    alliecarrie41alliecarrie41 member
    First Anniversary First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    [QUOTE]That's what I usually do when I go to the church in jeans and get dressed after the ceremony.
    Posted by Lola Minnie[/QUOTE]

    sorry.. but who goes to a church in jeans?  i would want to KILL a guest if they came to my church wearing jeans!  (but of course wouldn't say anything...)
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    Lola MinnieLola Minnie member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I didn't mean jeans and a hoodie.  Designer jeans, ballet flats. I don't find that strange at all.
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    grace_anngrace_ann member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    i have a lot i think:

    1. its on a Friday  - b/c the venue was cheaper

    2. 3 hour gap from beg. of ceremony to beginning of reception- b/c its a 50 minute drive to reception and I want enough time for pics

    3. 50 minute gap b/w church and reception - we waned to get married at FI's family church and its that far from the venue I wanted

    4. Hotel is 20 minutes away from venue - b/c it was a good price and had a bar inside and I wanted a chain hotel but we are providing shuttles so hopefully its less annoying for people
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    edited December 2011
    I wear jeans to church on Sundays... but maybe you're just referring to jeans at a wedding ceremony?
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    MyeMye
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I am sure there are some...cant think of any right now
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    edited December 2011

    I think the only *inconvenience* we had, and that is as defined by people on this board, our guests didn't have issues with it, was the gap between ceremony and reception.  There was about 2.5 hours between the end of the ceremony and cocktail hour.  We did it to take pictures and get them over with so we could enjoy the party.  But, the huge majority of our guests were very local and could go home inbetween.  Those that were OOT had a hotel to go back to and those that were in that in between distance from my side went to my parent's house (5 min from church) or from DH's side went to my SIL's house (10 min from reception). 


    Outside of that, we had a Saturday evening wedding, non holiday weekend, had 3 food choices, 2 hotel choices for OOT'ers (directly in between the church and reception venue), with shuttles and OOT bags. 

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    edited December 2011
    The only "inconvenience" we had was our 10:30am ceremony on a Saturday morning (afternoon reception until 5:30pm, but not alot of gap between ceremony and reception). I didn't think it was a big deal... i've gone to weddings at all times and in all places. You do what you gotta do, ya know?

    Why? Because i fell in love with our venue (Florentine Gardens) but couldn't afford a nighttime wedding there (it was like double the minimum and double the price of what i paid). Daytime was more in our budget. So daytime it was!
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    alliecarrie41alliecarrie41 member
    First Anniversary First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    to each their own.  i certainly wear jeans to church on normal days, but to a wedding i wouldn't be caught dead nor do i think i ever EVER have seen a wedding guest in jeans.  you wear a dress or skirt or at least pants! 
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    Lola MinnieLola Minnie member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    No worries, Allie.  I'd be happy as long as people showed up to my ceremony even in a brown bag (especially being a Friday and all)!
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    alliecarrie41alliecarrie41 member
    First Anniversary First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    lol don't worry they'll show up.  i had a friday and whattya know, everyone came except those stuck in traffic or had child care or similar issues, which was about 5%.  no brown bags either!
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    Laurms15Laurms15 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We have the "catholic gap" between mass and the reception but I didn't want to have dinner starting at 4pm I really wanted to wait until 6pm. So my parents are going to open their house for anyone who needs someplace to go. However in the time inbetween guests can check into the hotel and take the party bus I ordered from the hotel to the reception so I figure it gives them some time for that.
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    edited December 2011
    I am having a Friday 4pm wedding and am worried that a lot of people will skip out on the ceremony but come to the reception. I know I need to have more faith in people but I guess i'm not sure how many people will take off from work or at least leave work early to make it to church for 4. Good to know that Allie!
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    Lola MinnieLola Minnie member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011

    I'm surprised so many guests made it to your ceremony on a Friday. You are very lucky and loved 
    I feel the same way, Rlb81. Mine starts at 330 so I am prepared for not too many but I hope a decent amount being that we are inviting like 300 people lol

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    Partymixx27Partymixx27 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    Our major inconvenience was a Sunday night wedding, which we chose because we needed a low minimum and our 10-year dating anniversary fell on a Sunday.  Our wedding ended at 8:30 instead of late, but that meant that the wedding was pretty much an all-day affair for the most part since the ceremony started at 3. 

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    uppereastgirluppereastgirl member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_poll-compromises-inconveniences?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:001a8d5a-165f-40be-b71b-9aea1fae1cdbPost:a2200dc0-0e60-4afc-8f6d-e0b711996c6c">Re: S/O poll: Compromises and inconveniences</a>:
    [QUOTE]sorry.. but who goes to a church in jeans?  i would want to KILL a guest if they came to my church wearing jeans!  (but of course wouldn't say anything...)
    Posted by alliecarrie41[/QUOTE]

    <div>I went to a wedding a few years ago with about a 3 hour gap (which I found awful -- I did not live far enough away, and the wedding was on a Sunday night, so we weren't going to stay in a hotel, but it was too far away for me to go home or get changed or anything, and my husband was in the BP so he was taking pics and such and I wasn't invited to join them.  So I drove around aimlessly for 2 hours all dressed up with nowhere to go.  That's the negative part of a long gap.)  </div><div>
    </div><div>But anyway, so many of the guests showed up to the church in inappropriate clothes.  Like tracksuits (this was LI).  My favorite was a black loudly patterned NASCAR t-shirt and black jeans.  My husband SWEARS that this kind of attire is fine at a church (I don't go to church, but it seems disrespectful even for random Sunday services), but I feel like if it is a wedding at a church you at the very least wear Sunday best (skirt and top or sundress, or polo and khakis for men) and then change to formal attire later.</div><div>
    </div>
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    Laurms15Laurms15 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I almost never wear jeans event to Sunday mass but thats just the way my mom taught us. She always dressed us in our "sunday" outfits which were nicer and I've just continued on with that.
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    edited December 2011
    We had a large gap, but it wasn't our choice really.  Our church wouldn't let us start any later than 3pm and the reception hall wouldn't start the cocktail hour any earlier than 6:30pm.  I felt bad, but I just had to get over it after a certain point because there was nothing I could do.

    We had our wedding in NJ...a lot of our friends and MHs family is from Boston. So we had a lot of people who had to drive to NJ.  I tried to compensate by using a hotel that had great rates ($79 for a room) and a hotel that provided a shuttle (we would have provided one ourselves had the hotel not).
    ~Chelsea~
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    DandT1206DandT1206 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    we got married on Halloween... we did it then b/c we loved the venue and it was one of the last available Saturdays in 2009.  we also had a gap between the church and reception (church 2, reception 6), but that's b/c we had the church in NJ and the reception in Staten Island and we wanted to allot for enough time to take pictures
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    dandb925dandb925 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    There are 2 major ones just based on the original poll:

    1.) We're having a daytime wedding on a Saturday. I wanted to have the ceremony on the beach and we're getting married late September when it starts getting darker early. We wanted to make sure we had enough light for pictures, especially since we're not doing the first glance.

    2.) The ceremony and reception is in Sea Bright, NJ. My family lives in Staten Island and my fiance's family lives Bayonne. It's about 45-60 minute drive. This doesn't include our other guests, who are coming from Brooklyn, Long Island, Pennsylvania, etc. Honestly, I don't care who comes to the ceremony. People who want to be there will be there and we haven't heard any complaints so far.
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    alliecarrie41alliecarrie41 member
    First Anniversary First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    yep i was lucky i suppose... i only had about 100 guests and they were mostly in the NNJ/NYC area.  there was no reason they couldn't get to my 4pm ceremony on time.  and they did. 
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    kewltifkewltif member
    First Anniversary First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    We got married in North Jersey which is about a 2.5-3 hour drive for DH's family. We chose our venue because that was a place we liked.  I had also looked at more equidistant places but didn't find the right one.

    We got married on Valentine's Day. I didn't set out to do that.  I wanted a winter wedding to save money and lent was starting the third week in February, so that left the first two weekends, one of which was Valentine's Day. I thought- that's kind of cool. Why not?

    We had a little bit of a gap between the church and reception. Nothing too major.
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