Paying for your own wedding??

hopeful523

Hello all,

Just wondering if anyone else is paying for their own wedding and have any advice for my fiance and I.. any help is much appreciated!!

shoebie

We are every last penny, We planned it for 2 years 4 months out from the date we got engaged so we can save up enough and bargain shop plenty. We kept our guest list to family and only very close friends. WE did not invite any one because we felt we "had" to. Basically everyone who came to our engagement party is our wedding guest list. We are having the wedding (as of now) on an army base at a beautiful hall this will save over a thousand dollars in tax alone. 

I must say i do not regret for one second having a long engagement and paying for it all ourselves because no one has a say in anything but us. I have been hearing horror stories from brides on here and in my own life about controlling moms grandparents and whoever is paying for it because they want it there way and they want their friends there.

kasabby

We are paying for ours as well. We are getting married in July and our engagement will have been 19 months at that point.

We have been saving since the minute we got engaged. We definitely cut back on stuff in our every day lives, shopping, going out to eat, groceries, etc..I have also found other ways to save money--using coupons to buy WR items. For example, we are doing a candy buffet for our favors and I bought all the jars/vases for the candy at Michael's with 40% off coupons. Yes, it required me to make multiple trips to Michael's--since you can only use one coupon per visit--but worth it. I found our OOT bags at Christmas tree shop on clearance. I am making our invitations--a fun DIY project.

Keep your eye out for good deals. Definitely shop around for vendors as well.  It is manageable, if you don't let it get out of control!

Good luck!

ItalJerseyGirl

My FI and I are paying for most of the wedding while my parents are paying for the engagement party and catering for the wedding (which helps a lot). It helps that we have a year and a half to save.

annandted86

Limiting head count is the biggie.

We're also of fairly simple tastes.  It probably wouldn't have taken much for him to convince me to have the reception at a VFW.  We're doing it at a nice place, but I can assure you, not a dime is being spent on things like up lighting or other neat little things because we see them as 100% expendable.

We're not having a limo, we're doing just amateur video (though we did invest in photography), etc.

It also helps that we had a long engagement and knew well in advance of getting the ring that we would one day be married so we've had a lot of time to save for it.

hcer0708

We are paying for the whole thing as well. We will be engaged 23 months when we get married so having a longer engagement is def helping... We have cut out shopping and ordering lunch.

felicia220

DIYing is a great way to save money.  STD, Invites, Programs, Menus, escort cards, favors etc.  These things add up pretty quickly.  But When you make them yourself and stick with a theme, you can buy paper in bulk and use it for all of those types of items.  I made our invites from Kits I got at Michael's and similar to Kasabby, went back multiple times to use 40% coupons.  I also printed Names and Addresses right onto the envelope, instead of hiring a calligrapher. Its little stuff like that, that makes a big difference.   

VivianM27

Vendors are the biggest expense (besides the hall itself), search on here for budget-friendly and recommended vendors and meet with them as soon as you can.  Popular and inexpensive vendors book up more quickly than others.

NJhousewife22

ditto on limiting the guest list and not inviting anyone because you feel you "have to". We budgeted for a specific amount of people and then got SUPER guilted by my parents into expanding out guest list (which I SUPER regret) so my parents are paying for "their" guests. 

DIY, keeping a small bridal party and NEVER going to Michaels or AC Moore without those 50% off coupons has helped us a lot. 

lmy922

We are paying for much of our wedding also.  Like PPs have said, keeping the guest list to family and close friends is important.  We also found that being flexible with our date helped us to get the best deal with our venue.  We are getting a great menu on a Saturday in June (which I wanted but didn't think we could get due to the budget) for half of the price of what it would typically cost because we are having an earlier reception. This option has required a smaller minimum than the nighttime reception, too.

Good luck & enjoy! The time flies so fast!

altimat873

Ugh we are paying for it ourselves as well, its tough. Anything extra (work bonuses, tax returns, etc) goes straight towards wedding planning/expenses. Ive had to cut out my weekly girls night outs to monthly because of dinner and cocktail expenses. We have a guest list of 195 but want to keep it to 150, so definitely need to do the whole A and B list thing (this works for us - I know doesnt work for everyone). We got our ceremony music and cocktail hour music by going to a local high school (we have a harpist) which really cut down on expenses as well.

Good luck, you are in the same boat as a lot of us.

mmontroni

My fiance and are are paying for everything besides the reception, ceremony, and rehearsal dinner.  We sat together and made a budget, and we're also opening a special checking account just for the wedding which will eventually turn into our savings account.  By doing that, the money we have for the wedding is actually real and plainly stated, as opposed to taking it out of our individual savings account.

peaches85

We are paying for our entire wedding on our own.  We got engaged in December 2009 and our wedding will be July 2011.  As of right now (exactly one year from our engagement) we have saved more than enough to pay for our entire wedding if it were happening today.  My biggest pieces of advice are:

1.  Cut back on unnecessary spending as other PPs have said (eating out, lavish gifts for one another, etc.)

2.  Book vendors and venues as early as possible so you can get those deposits taken care of right away

3.  Pay in cash or cahier's checks (I hate personal checks since you never know when they'll be deposited by the vendor and I like to know exactly how much money I have at any given time)... NEVER use a credit card unless it's a debit card that's connected directly to your checking account so the money is taken out right away.

4.  Try to come up with a payment plan with your vendors or on your own.  Our travel agent allowed us to pay for our entire honeymoon (flights, hotels, excursions, and all transportation) over the course of 6 months so it didn't hurt as much.  Our florist is allowing us to pay as much or as little as we want up until the final payment due date.  Never pay anyone in full too far in advance in case they go bankrupt or shut down, but we have already paid most of our vendors at least 50% of the total cost and we'll pay the remaining 50% a week before our wedding or the day of (depending on the due date).

5.  Book an all-inclusive honeymoon so you have fewer costs to worry about once you're traveling and therefore won't have to worry so much about over-spending once you get there.

6.  If you can, create a separate account just for wedding related savings/expenses.  FI's savings account right now is for all our of our NW-related savings and my savings account is for all of our WR-savings/expenses.   It's worked out great and within a year of getting engaged we had enough in our WR-savings to pay off our wedding in full at that moment while still having savings in our NWR-account.

7.  Don't fall into the wedding-planning hype about need top of the line this or that.  We're making our own invitations because they aren't important to us, we're doing simple but fun centerpieces that represent us but aren't breaking the bank because no one pays attention to them, we're not doing a limo because our ceremony and reception are in the same location, and we're not hiring a top-of-the-line photographer because while pictures are important to us we don't want or need to spend a couple thousand dollars on a photographer to take pictures of us for a single day.  Figure out what's most important to you and go from there.  Oh, and listen to the opinions of others (including the girls on this board), but don't let those opinions convince you that your way is wrong and their way is right.  If that was the case, then I'd be spending $3,000 on a photographer instead of the <$1,000 I'm currently spending.

8.  Most importantly, pick a budget and then STICK TO IT, but give yourself a little wiggle room in case little things come up that you realize you want last minute. 

mbcdefg

We paid for the bulk of our wedding ourselves. My parents generously offered to pay for my dress, our flowers and the rehearsal dinner, and they gave us a few small checks along the way to go toward general expenses.

Definitely keep the guest list as small as you can. This is the number one way to save money.

If you haven't yet set a date, consider Fridays, Sundays and Saturday afternoons, since Saturday evenings are the most expensive times. And you can usually get the lowest prices for January-March dates. If you can deal with a short engagement, some venues give you a discounted price for dates under six months away.

Keep the bridal party small, or consider not having one at all. This saves you the cost of flowers, rehearsal dinner meals, gifts and limo space. (Or, if everyone is O.K. driving themselves, skip the limos entirely.)

People will never know the designer name of your dress and accessories, so don't feel pressured to get fancy name brand stuff. You can save money on a gown by buying a sample from a salon and having it cleaned, or buying a gently used gown (eBay, preownedweddingdresses.com, Craigslist, Brides Against Breast Cancer, thrift/consignment shops), or buying a white bridesmaid's dress or evening gown. You can borrow a veil or accessories from loved ones.

Avoid buying the little things, because they add up ... aisle runner, cake cutting set and toasting flutes (we actually got these as gifts from people - otherwise we would've used the venue's house sets), guestbook (also a gift, which we got from a cousin), petals, Soon to Be Mrs. XXX accessories, garter, etc. Wait until after Christmas and your shower to see if anyone gifts you with anything, so you don't need to buy it. If you don't need it or REALLY want it, don't buy it at all. Or see what you can borrow from friends.

Don't go nuts on the centerpieces and flowers. They'll be dead by the next day. Work with the florist and get in-season, inexpensive flowers. And cheap filler flowers can help bulk up the arrangements. I got low centerpieces for $20 each, just by asking what he could do for $20 and not getting my heart set on specific flowers or colors.

You don't "have" to have anything other than the license, an officiant, and chairs and food for your guests. Beyond that, everything else is optional. If you don't want a garter toss or a veil or a DJ lighting package, don't get it. Your guests will only really remember the food and the bar, the entertainment (and that's only if it was loud/obnoxious or not, not really anything like "OMG he was the best DJ ever"), their personal comfort and if you and your FI were gracious hosts. They won't remember the bridesmaids' outfits or the centerpieces.

uppereastgirl

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_paying-own-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:0685661b-4aa8-48fe-a036-52388edf786bPost:77ddb9b6-6f4d-44bd-b988-67b9f85c6cbf">Re: Paying for your own wedding??</a>:
[QUOTE] 3.  Pay in cash or cahier's checks (I hate personal checks since you never know when they'll be deposited by the vendor and I like to know exactly how much money I have at any given time)... NEVER use a credit card unless it's a debit card that's connected directly to your checking account so the money is taken out right away.
Posted by peaches85[/QUOTE]

I have to disagree with this one, unless a significant discount is offered for paying in cash (although I'd look at a vendor VERY closely for that one -- discount for cash may be a sign that they're in financial trouble or that they cheat on taxes and aren't the most trustworthy people) or you can't pay your credit card off in full that month.  Paying with a credit card gives you the opportunity to get credit card points (which can really add up if you have the right points program), and gives you extra protection if a vendor goes bankrupt (in which case people who use Amex will probably get 100% of their money back, and those who use cash will get pennies on the dollar, if that).  But absolutely cash should be used if there is credit card interest involved.

peaches85

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_paying-own-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:0685661b-4aa8-48fe-a036-52388edf786bPost:458add1c-a670-415a-8eca-d636a52bccda">Re: Paying for your own wedding??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Paying for your own wedding?? : I have to disagree with this one, unless a significant discount is offered for paying in cash (although I'd look at a vendor VERY closely for that one -- discount for cash may be a sign that they're in financial trouble or that they cheat on taxes and aren't the most trustworthy people) or you can't pay your credit card off in full that month.  Paying with a credit card gives you the opportunity to get credit card points (which can really add up if you have the right points program), and gives you extra protection if a vendor goes bankrupt (in which case people who use Amex will probably get 100% of their money back, and those who use cash will get pennies on the dollar, if that).  But absolutely cash should be used if there is credit card interest involved.
Posted by uppereastgirl[/QUOTE]
I agree with you.  My point (which I obviously didn't state) was to avoid paying with credit cards in order to avoid any form of credit card debt as too often I've heard of couples going into debt over a wedding.  I, for one, prefer paying in cash or with a debit/checking card (which does leave a record/trail and is easy to dispute worst case scenario) because it ensures that all money is accounted for right away and there's no chance of having to pay interest since.

leah2b

We paid for every last penny as well.  I echo much of what was said above.  We set up a separate wedding fund account and started saving like crazy.  I do not  think I bought one pair of shoes the entire year and a half of our engagement , except for my wedding shoes and some sandals for our honeymoon!  LOL.

As mentioned above, you are going to need to keep things simple and that is OK.  You don't need to have crazy centerpeices - Simple is beautiful. Consider whether you really need all of those extras like  special linens, chair covers, etc.  We realized we didn't and guests don't really care about that stuff anyway.  All you really need is good ceremony + good music + good booze and good food.
We had our ceremony and reception at the same place so we had no transportation costs.
main thing - keeping the head count down - we wanted a simple small wedding and we pretty much ahd it with a total of 99 people.  I had a whole floor of co-workers (well over 60) that I stressed over, but simply realized I couldn't do it, nor did I want to pick and choose amongst them.  We had a friend, who is a Judge, marry us.  I had 2 maids of honor (my sis and cousin).  keep your party small.

I am convinced that paying for your own wedding requires much more work, so be ready for it.  It takes much more time to DYI, look for deals, bargain with vendors, etc. How many times while I was designing my own programs.menus, etc i wished I could just pay someone to do it.

Finally, realize that you will not recoup the amount of money you put into the event - we received in cash gifts about 35% back (of just the cost of reception alone).  If you are not OK with the fact that you are going to lay out a large sum of cash on one day, then consider eloping.  If you want to go all out for your honeymoon but don't have enough money for both, consider what is more important to you.
When my hubby and I went to city hall in NYC to pick up our marraige license, we saw these cute couples getting married JOP with some family members with them.  It was so sweet and I actually had some pangs of longing for such a sweet and simple event.  Small ceremony and small restaurant reception is a great option.

Juliet212

Lots of great info was given already but I wanted to stress that the more you shop around - see all the vendors possible - the better deal you get. You are more prone to seeing what a good deal is, negotiate with vendors, get other things thrown in.

I know it seems simple, but you would be surprised how much money we are saving by not "going with the first person" mentality.

Good Luck!

goaliegirl

I agree with what all the pp's have said with one exception.  I would not be paying for things in cash.  Especially if you are paying very far in advance.   My suggestion is to pay with a credit card and then pay off at the end of the month.  If you have the cash set aside for this it should not be a problem. We did this with all of our vendors and did not incur any interest but if anything was to go wrong, such as a vendor going bankrupt, we would have been more likely to get our money back.  If you pay in cash and something happens, you most likely will not get your money back.   

vjt730

were paying for everything except the venue.. i found that i cut my florist bill way down by doing candle centerpieces and having my venue set them up.. even a cheap low centerpiece will add up with delivery and labor costs.. i was quoted thousands for a florist, then i ended up getting the essentials bouquets and stuff i paid $800 and about $150 for 20 centerpieces

hopeful523

Just wanted to personally thank everyone for the advice! We greatly appreciate your suggestions and have already begun to reconsider certain aspects of the reception and decor. Lucikly we do not have a certain date in mind, so the day does not matter ( especially after seeing how much cheaper it is on a Friday or early Saturday). Just found the DIY section and since i'm a lover of crafts, I am very excited to cut costs by making it myself. Unfortunately, I am in grad school ( full time classes and interships) so I am unable to work but we have cut back on eating out and now bring lunches and buy in bulk ( on sale). As always, additional suggestions and advice are always helpful! Thanks ladies and the best of luck creating your wedding dream!