RD question... kind of long.

laurenlacey

I admit this is a post and run but I will be back later this afternoon after cake tasting and picking stuff up from Mom's, so any input would be awesome. My FMIL has offered to host and pay for the RD. She and I have spoken about locations several times, and she liked them all. She just had a baby on the 3rd (she's only 39, FI's step mom) and so obviously she's a little preoccupied.However, FIs family is not really contributing to any other portion of the wedding, and I would really like to know if they plan to follow through on the RD or if it's going to end up being me and FI paying for it and hosting it.So. My question is, when should I inquire and what should I say? I don't want to wait too long, since everyone needs to get an invite to the RD, and make their own plans I (almost everyone is OOT), and I of course b/c I would need to find the money somewhere to throw something, even if it's just pizza and beer. But I also don't want to be like, "you just had an infant, but can I have some money?" WDYT? and thanks in advance.

cherylanddan0706

Honestly I'm kinda weird about mentioning money to either side of the family (FI's fam isn't paying anything WR) so I would probably just mention things about the RD, like maybe a place or something you and FI thought of. Not actually  mentioning them hosting or anything.  I know not really the greatest advice.

neilly18

when it comes to the RD I always ask FI to speak with his family about.  "Can you remind your parents we need to start planning the RD?"  Maybe he can do this.  It probably will be easy to gauge their level of commitment from their reaction.

kewltif

I agree with Neilly, I would have your FI bring this up to his parents.  It can be nonchalant and noncommittal, "I know you just had a baby and this is the last thing on your mind, but you mentioned awhile back that you'd like to host the rehearsal dinner, please let me know if you would still like to do so. We found these three places for x dollars."

I <3 Seabass

agree with pp, sounds like a job that should be delegated to your FI. I think it will come across differently coming from him than from you.

uppereastgirl

Have your fiance ask.  It is really uncomfortable for you to ask his parents about money, but not nearly as awkward for him to.

anotherNJbride

Personally, I would plan it with the intention of you guys paying, keep them informed though, like "Oh, we decided that we're going to do the RD at our apartment and keep it small and casual." That would open up the opportunity for FMIL to say, "Okay, sounds good." "Okay, sounds good, let me know how much money you need." or "Oh, well, I was thinking maybe have it at one of the restaurants you mentioned." That way you can just play off her response.

dianenjnj

have finance talk to his dad.

alliecarrie41

matt should be taking care of this, not you.  if they offered, simply fib and say they MUST book by X-date (like next week) or they cannot guarantee the room.  remind or feel out for if they are still paying by thanking them in the beginning for offering to host, and ask if there is anything you can do to help, like bring wine or something.  this will ensure they understand they are paying and can chime in then if they changed their mind.  this should have been taken care of way before the baby, but also, you have plently of time.  it's not like you need official RD invites anyway. 

laurenlacey

thanks everyone.FI actually is handling this, I just say "I" when I mean either one of us interchangeably. Just so no one thinks he's useless . We're not uncomfortable at all asking them for money, actually, because if we don't ask we definitely WILL NOT get it unless we're totally DIRECT in our questions. Anyway yeah, it's bad timing with the bambino but it's getting so close!Thanks for the advice.