How would you handle this?

futuremrsaddison

I'm not on here very much but I really need your help.  We just got an RSVP from FI's cousin (who I've never met and he hasn't seen in about 10 years).  We actually thought the cousin wasn't coming.  Turns out he and his wife are coming and they are bringing their baby.  We clearly put on the invitation Adult Reception.  I told FI to talk to his mom about it but I feel like they are too afraid to say something to him.  I don't feel like it's my place to say something since it's not my cousin and I don't even know the guy.  My mom told me she has no problem calling him and letting him know that the reception is not for children.

hbrynn

Is it a baby baby or young child that would be running around?

Danes983

Thats sticky.  I would have your FI or MIL call and say something along the lines of if they can help find a babysitter because the reception isnt for little ones.  I know it will be a pain but hey it could happen.  I have on more than one occassion sat at a wedding or another family function. If your wedding is on a friday or sunday Im available. LOL

caketime

How old is the baby and where are they coming from?

jen629

honestly if its a baby I would say yes because most people wont come without a little baby ...we had 2 kids under 1 and 2 three year olds and honestly didnt even notice them the whole night they just played and had fun

anotherNJbride

We had an issue like this with my cousin. I stood my ground and said, "I'm really sorry, we're just not having any children at the reception." She said she wasn't coming then, I said that that's too bad and she'd be greatly missed, but I just can't bend on this, it's an adult only event - she came, and left her baby & 2 kids in CA with her ex-MIL for a week.In this case, I'd be uncomfortable, too though - ask FI to call, if he won't, then I'd let your mom.

alliecarrie41

you have to contact them and say how excited you are to see them, but are sorry they misunderstood the invite and that the repception is for adults only.  say you hope they can find someone to watch baby X, but if not, will miss them very much.   

jen629

although you could just stand your ground and they just may not come but let your FI handle it

mbcdefg

Hmm.IMO it depends on how old the baby is. I think you could make an exception for a small infant (especially if the baby is breastfeeding). But on the other hand, it's not fair that you said "no children" and these people think they're the exception to the rule. And other parents might be pissed if they had to leave their Little Precious at home but these people got to bring theirs. I would personally call them and explain that you're not inviting any children and say that you'll help them get a local sitter if they can't leave the kid at home, and see what they say.We're not inviting kids to our wedding, either, so I hope our guests comply with our wishes and we don't have to turn them down should they reply with kids. *fingers crossed*

cher1980

if its a baby, then let them bring them...no need to turn away 2 family members who you never met just cuz they are bringing their kid....

alliecarrie41

amanda and i are on same page (posted at same time lol)... i would not and could not bend the rules in my case.  luckily i never had to deal with this, but sorry, your baby is not coming to my wedding.  nor your three year old.  nor your second cousin.  if your name was not on inner envelope, you are NOT INVITED.

anotherNJbride

totally - I really don't think a formal wedding reception that has already specified "Adults Only" is a place for an infant, and if it's a toddler or young child then you have to consider what mbcdefg (I almost called you your old name!) pointed out about other guests who managed to find a sitter being upset if they saw someone bring a child. I made it very clear that we were not having any children at our reception, but they were all welcome to come to the ceremony and made sure to point out that that's the "real" wedding anyway.

teamAandE

ditto alliecarrie's wording. we had this issue and stuck to what we wanted. no bending!

kimmys81

We did Adult Reception, but we had one person from OOT bring their baby, who was probably about 9 or 10 months. They cleared it first, and honestly we DIDN'T even notice he was there.

brad1431

if it is an infant I woudnt care, but if the "baby" can walk, then no, too many problems with little kids at a wedding.I assume it is an infant or else you would have said toddler, so I wouldnt care if they brought a baby

brad1431

but then again, one of our rules is if I havent met you before the wedding I am not meeting you for the first time at my wedding, so I wouldnt have invited them in the first place

erikag23

the point is that you specifically said adult reception only.  either these cousins are ignorant or just stupid.  i don't think ypou should be the one to day something since it is not your extended family, but i do think it is up to your fi/fil's to step in.  maybe get some babysitter quotes, etc. so you don't seem like the heavy.

brad1431

Erika, the heavy??? for some reason I laughed at that... it isnt something I would picture you saying 

neilly18

I would probably let them bring the  baby -- but I am a wimp when it comes to stuff like that so don't ask me.

futuremrsaddison

Thanks for all of your help.  It's a hard situation because I don't want these relatives to be offended but at the same time, I don't want babies or kids there no matter how old.  The problem is, I don't think FMIL cares much if they bring the baby so I don't trust her to talk to the cousin about it. 

FutureMrsF111

I am having a babysitter at the hotel where OOT guests will be staying. I am planning on using the au pair of a family friend who is invited to the wedding without her children.  Anyone who is bringing their children with them will told that there will be child care provided along with dinner/movies/etc. for the children. I figure if I provide the child care or at least offer it people will be less inclined to even ask to bring their children.