NWR: VENT!!

BrideMaidPro

So, over the weekend, one of my coworker's brothers passed away unexpectedly.  She is (understandably) very upset.  He was only 56 and still has children in school and it came out of nowhere. The first thing that is making me so mad...is that she called to tell us she would not be in today and about what happened and said she would try and come back by Thursday.  Not a single one of our 3 bosses said "no no, take the whole week."  I mean, c'mon! This is her younger brother we are talking about. The second thing that I am enraged about...is I sent an email to another coworker asking if she thought anyone would be interested in sending some condolences/sympathy flowers to her.  And she responded back that "flowers might be weird--because after all, she is not the one who is dead! Maybe a card"  Is sending flowers weird? Am I crazy?!?  1800 flowers has an entire section devoted to this so why would it be "weird?"  We have worked closely with this woman for almost 4 years...and all we can muster is a CARD? It is making me so mad.  We are a relatively small company. Most of us have been working together for upwards of 3 years.  We spend more time together than we spend with our families.  I feel like everyone here is just so heartless and it is totally bumming me out.

Angie550

You are 100% NOT weird.  You would be sending flowers to show your support for her during this time.  I am in a small office as well (and the only female) and I would not even think twice about sending something.  Send them on your own if no one else will. 

uppereastgirl

No, flowers are not at all weird.  And there is no point in her coming back on Thursday!  People are so strange.

cvl105

you are rightfully enraged. I would feel the same way. It sounds like you're a really good co-worker and friend.I would definitely send flowers or another care package. Fruit basket, etc.  When my grandfather passed away, my work sent me flowers.On top of work paying for the flowers (overhead account) my coworkers all contributed their own money to give me to buy a plant to buy from a nice greenhouse to plant.  I bought 3 hydrangeas bushes for my house that remind me of my grandfather every day when I look at them.

I <3 Seabass

I would send the flowers to the funeral home for the wake/service, not necessarily to her. Maybe that's why your coworker that it was a little weird. I think a card and maybe a fruit basket or something along those lines would be nice to send to her. You could even send it on behalf of all your coworkers even if they don't put money towards it. Just to try and show a united front.

mbcdefg

That sucks about the bosses. I don't know how your company works, though, but I know some places only offer a set amount of time for bereavement leave (although you can take more time against your vacation days if you need it). Or maybe they just thought she'd rather come back to work ASAP to keep busy?I also agree that the flowers comment was pretty weird. Maybe it just came out wrong and the lady feels like flowers wouldn't be helpful to her. Maybe food would be better (like one of those Edible Arrangements baskets, or some catering trays from a place near her), or a donation to a charity that funds research for whatever her brother died from.When someone dies, I feel like I never know what to say to the grieving loved one. Maybe your coworkers are feeling the same way? Are they usually careless people, or do you think everyone is just confused as to what to do for this woman and their suggestions are coming out wrong?

Danes983

Some people have no couth.. for real!

justkris10

Ugh, not weird at all...I think that they said that is weird - who doesn't send flowers to people in times like this, to me its the norm I work in a very small company too (3 of us total incl boss) but boss owns a golf club - nonetheless we send flowers/card to the members (clearly not closely involved in their personal lives) who lose a loved one, have a baby, get married, etc. so sending to someone who is a close co-worker is a no brainer agree coming back Thurs is stupid. If you can afford it - I would send it on your own eff them don't let them make you look bad

caketime

Not weird at all.  My office sent flowers to our house and we thought that was very thoughtful.  We also got a lot of chocolate, nuts, etc... that was nice to have for when people stopped by.I will say don't do the edible arrangements thing.  We got two of them and while they are very nice to look at it it's a waste of money.  The fruit goes bad very very quickly and you have to dismantle it the same day you get it.

BrideMaidPro

in regards to the bosses...i def think they just don't care really. not to make them sound like monsters but i have been here long enough to know that they are not even giving a second thought to it.and as for the rest of my coworkers...I think it is pretty out of character of her...but I don't think the issue was she is that she is so concerned and just doesn't know what to say.her exact response was"Flowers might be weird--after all, she's not dead!"I don't know...I just so did not expect this kind of "brush it off" response about it.  It caught me off-guard!

brad1431

I think that you thinking one of the bosses should say take the whole week is weird.  Every company I have worked for has a 3 day policy.  When my grandmother passed away, I told them I was taking 2 days, and they asked why I need the second day.  So taking a whole week would be out of the question, unless I wanted to use vacation time.

BrideMaidPro

I don't think it is weird of me.  Esp, because as I said, we are a very small company.  Not a huge corporate giant--we don't even have an official HR.Plus, one of the same bosses took off a full week less than a year ago when his brother-in-law passed away.I would just think...that at least he, of all people, who clearly knows what it is like...would have at least offered or said "contact us later in the week and we'll talk about it" or something.

JeannineG122

Some people just don't care.  Company should send something, it's the right thing to do.

The_Future_Mrs_Rickels

I would send flowers to the funeral home.  And maybe a card to her house giving your sympathies.  At my office we get 5 days.  I am suprised they didnt give her the week off. 

Rosie24

I don't think that is weird at all. I would send something for sure....maybe a fruit basket like pp mentioned.