because its so slow...a long post

FutureMrsF111

Today seems as good as any to ask this. Please dont flame me for this one. Im posting it here instead of P&E because I really do need advice.FI has a nephew that is the same age as one of my cousins (13 at wedding time). We had originally said no children at the wedding but his family was very insistent that his niece and nephews be there. FI is the youngest of 5 and very close with his family. Neither of us have any problem with his niece and nephews attending the wedding. However, my cousin who is the same age as the youngest nephew is not someone we want at the wedding. I am not close with him or my aunt and uncle. They live far away and I rarely see or speak to them. I also have another cousin who is much younger (6) and I do not want to get into inviting more children to the wedding. FIs nephew in close with his cousins who are a few years older than him and will be comfortable sitting with them. My cousin on the other hand will not know anyone and would have to be seated with his parents. There are obviously a lot family issues involved here on my side but FIs nephew and my cousin, though the same age, are not of the same maturity level and my cousin is prone to inappropriate behavior. So, my question....Is it ok to invite the nephew and not the cousin?and if not - what if we find a position for the nephew in the BP. The older nephews will likely be ushers and the niece a BM so I was thinking about making the younger nephew an usher as well but was concerned that 13 is too young for that. I would just not invite my cousin and not make an issue of it but I have a feeling my grandmother will be asking if he is invited and I will need to be able to explain why not without just giving a blanket no children answer since that would be a lie. And just a side note, we are having a baby sitter at the hotel for close friends and family who need to travel with young children. My cousin would be able to come up with his parents, come to the rehearsal dinner and then be with other children during the wedding including the other younger cousin. Sorry so long but in light of the post below about it being a slow day I thought I would take advantage of that and see if I can get some help or start a debate if that is mroe fun for every one :)TIA!!!

mbcdefg

Invite the nephew, and if people are rude enough to question why other kids aren't invited, tell them that nieces and nephews are the cutoff point (especially if there are a lot of cousins). If someone angrily protests that they simply cannot attend without their Little Precious, just say, "I'm really sorry to hear that, but I understand. We'll miss you at the wedding!" Then change the subject or walk away/hang up the phone. I don't see why 13 is too young for an usher. All he'd have to do would be to escort someone to their seat. If you feel that he can't stand quietly at the altar area for the ceremony, let him sit in the audience once the ceremony begins.

melissa82

I would think the only way you could get around it if the only kids invited to the reception are those in the wedding party. So if the only one left out if FI's youngest nephew, maybe he could be a junior groomsman. I think it might be a little odd for him to actually seat people, but to just stand up there I think is fine. I'd ask his parents first though.

HBear19

We are inviting FI's nices and nephews because we are close to them- they range in age from 1 to 5, and there are 7 of them! I have a lot of cousins who we are not inviting simply because I don't see them often enough. Some of those cousins are even teenagers. It was a good place for us to cut the guest list. I have invited some aunts and uncles with their kids, and some without, depending upon how close I am to them. So even though we are not have a "no kids" wedding, there are some kids just not invited. We didn't think twice about this! It's your wedding, invite who you want. Hope this helps!

kle0113

Ditto this:Invite the nephew, and if people are rude enough to question why other kids aren't invited, tell them that nieces and nephews are the cutoff point (especially if there are a lot of cousins). We had a "no kids" reception also with the exception being only our nieces and nephews.

Laurms15

I think there is a difference between cousins that you never see and his brother's kids. I think in my mind its totally fine to invite one and not the other. However  while I would understand that distinction but I can also see that some people won't. If you want to make him a Junior groomsman thats one option or if he is a friendly outgoing kid he would make a very cute usher or program/guest book attendant.

alliecarrie41

family is family.  ditto irish, have the cutoff be family, or make them part of the wedding. 

melissa82

Invite the nephew, and if people are rude enough to question why other kids aren't invited, tell them that nieces and nephews are the cutoff point (especially if there are a lot of cousins).While this sounds perfectly reasonable, it would not fly in a lot of families. And if OP has a family like mine (and I don't know if she does), it's just that much easier to avoid the problem as much as possible.

Kvarrone

We didn't have children at the reception, but we did have all our nieces and nephews. We're very close to them as they were all in the wedding; age range from 20 months - 12 yrs old. DH's 12 yr old nephew was a jr. groomsmen/usher. It was fine! We did not invite any other children, even cousins. Mostly b/c we were not close to them and not paying 60 bucks for chicken fingers.

viviannac

I think giving him a role in the bridal party, probably as the usher is the way to go.  That way your only exception is the kids in the bridal party and he is covered.  I am going to confront the same situation with FI's family b/c he has nieces/nephew/cousins that range in age and cannot behave at all.  At the grandfather's wake, they ran around like demons the entire night and the parents did nothing.  We have decided that the kids in the bridal party, my niece and his cousin's daughter (both flower girls) will be the only exception to our no kids policy.

FutureMrsF111

Thanks for the help ladies! I think I will talk to FIs brother about having the nephew in the wedding. He is a really outgoing kid and Im just excited to see him and the other nephews in tuxedos! I guess Ill just have to deal with my grandmother when she brings it up. Hopefully it is a bigger issue in my head than it will be IRL.

neilly18

Oh I completely sympathize with you! I had similar issues and we are making a "kid" room at the reception complete with babysitter as a compromise.  This may not work since he is 13 but something to think about.  So our reception will be kid free, except our own neices and nephews, and all other children will be having a private reception in a monitored kids room.I agree with PP that although in theory saying no seems like the way to go it does not fly in some families.

acablitas

Ideally, I'd love to have an all adult reception, but it's too hard with FI's cousins having a lot of kids.  So our cutoff is at family.  No other adults may bring children.

FutureMrsF111

The no kids if they arent related cut-off was easy for us. The nephew/cousin thing just seems to get sticky. We thought about doing a room at the reception site but there are a few family members with children under 5 and I figured they would be more comfortable at the hotel.

Danes983

I had a similar conversation with a friend last night... invite who you want and thats that.  Too often I feel like we all get stuck inviting people we dont want to bc "we have no choice"  Lets take a stand and do what we want at our wedding.

FutureMrsF111

Danes that is the best response ever!!!

Danes983

Thanks FurtureMrsF... Now I need to listen to myself.. LOL

FutureMrsF111

There should really be a support group or something.....how to do what you want for your wedding without being called a bridezilla. Most of the planning things Im completely laid back about but any issues with the guest list seem to get under my skin and for some reason we seem to have lots of issues in this department.

tlc11934

I'm going through this situation right now and it's a big fight in my family. If you want him in your bp you'll save yourself a big headache.

dianenjnj

since you have more than a year to go i would just keep it under your hat and tell everyone that asks...yes, lie... no children.no use in getting into a lather so far in advance.

brad1431

invite the nephew a nephew is different than a cousin especially if they are close, just say we would have loved to invite everyone but we had to make a cutoff somewhere and we made it at niece and nephew