Okay Knotties I need your advice (Long)

cherylanddan0706

FI has 3 cousins (2 boys and a girl adults and married) on his moms side (he has 4 other cousins on that side too) we do not see them ever.  Holidays are with the other aunts and uncles and cousins, but never are with the other aunt/uncle and kids.  In the 4 years I've been with FI Ive met them once 2 years ago. Also, I was told I didn't need to invite them to the wedding because they have a "rule" in the family the "kids" don't get invited, but I did because they are family end of discussion.So when I did my shower addresses, I didn't invite those cousins, the one is actual cousin the other two are cousin-in-laws I dont know them and because of the "above rule" I didn't think it was a problem.  Before hand (knew nothing till now) FMIL told my mom that the cousins bought gifts prior because they thought they would be invited so my mom said "oh it must have been an oversight, I can send an invite" FMIL said no I will just tell them.  Yesterday they didn't show because they felt weird because they didn't get an invite.  FMIL never told my mom (but thats a whole other story) so my mom was confused, and told me what happened.Now my question is, next month I am going to see all these girls at a baby shower for one of them (got the invite AFTER my shower invites went out as well as the entire family was shocked that me fsils fcousins were invited).  Do I send them an apology before or apologize at the shower?  Do I just ignore it and hide behind my FSIL the entire day lol.  I don't even know how to feel about this, all my mom kept on saying was "well fmil said they got STD" I was like yea, for the wedding not my intimate close family/friends shower.WWYD?

melissa82

I wouldn't apologize, there's no reason for them to think you were involved in the planning/inviting, so I can't see why they'd be upset with you anyway.

kathymarie

no need to apologize. 1) It was weird for them to purchase a gift for a party they had not yet been invited to. 2) The family "rule" of not invited them to the wedding in the first place was graciously broken by dan and you. 3) You did not plan your own shower. Your FMIL/FSIL would've been the ones responsible for letting the planners know who should/shouldn't be invited. Not you. 4) Just because someone is invited to a wedding, does not mean they are invited to all events pertaining to it. So in sumation, just act like nothing ever happened!

Lori&Peter

I agree - I wouldn't mention it.

Just Jen

me too-- just go and act like you did nothing wrong... cause you *did nothing wrong*

cherylanddan0706

Thanks girlies! I was so on the fence but feel better humpty dumpty-ing off the "ignore it" side!

lady_elle

These people are going to be your family now, too. I would just go up to them at the Shower, say Hi, sorry about the "invite mess" and you hope they can make it to the wedding - that their presence would mean so much to you and your groom. You can also say something like, "I've never been part of such a big family, I'm excited to be a part of yours!" Thay should understand the miscommunication, and if they're smart, they can just give you the shower gifts as your wedding present! Good luck!