Ideas to keep people that want to help busy :)

jchristel

Hi Everyone, I'm newly engaged and am finding that a lot of friends and relatives want to help with planning. I've included some people in looking at venues with me, but I can't do that with everyone. I've also asked people to look for favor ideas, any other ideas for helping people to get involved without making myself crazy?

caketime

The first question you need to ask yourself is do you want these people involved? Also does your FI want them so involved?The issue is that once you start involving people you can't just stop it.  You are also going to get 20 opinions about everything.  So in short you are going to make yourself crazy.

jchristel

I think I need to change my username so I can be a little more honest about what I'm asking. First initial last name is not a good name for anonymity!!!

cateyes624

Agree with caketime, too many opinions will get crazy. 

acablitas

I agree with pp.  It depends how many people you want involved and how many opinions you want. When I first got engaged, a lot of people approached me, congratulated, and immediately offered their help.  I prefer to do things on my own and not involve people b/c I didn't want anyone breathing down my back.  So it's 99% FI and I planning it.  The 1% is for the occasional opinion here and there from family if I happen to tell them details.  Ultimately, the only times I wanted other people involved would be during the bach party and the bridal shower.  And, then any DIY activities (invitations, stds, etc).  Happy planning!

cher1980

hi and welcome!I also agree w/ PP - if you have anyone help you it should really just be your bridesmaids/wedding party....You dont want to too many people helping and then you do not want everyone to know all the details of the wedding- you want to leave some of it a surprise for your guests...and ultimately- no one else can pick out anything for you, so its really doing double work by still having to go thru everything your friends pick out...and then you get into the fights of " how come you dont like this? i do"trust me - its better to do all the deciding between you and your FI...and get your bridesmaids involved in your DIY stuff and your showers and bach parties..good luck!

I <3 Seabass

If people are asking you how they can help, delegate the stupid little things that you don't really care about. Example passed off bathroom baskets to my MOH. Limos being handled by my parents, etc. Since you're early in the game you could always just ask people to help you gather vendor recs. Doesn't mean that you have to go with that vendor or even take them to the meeting with you but at least they can feel like their helping and you'll get a good list of potential vendors out of it.

BwayDani

Agree with PP: Bathroom baskets, programs, shower stuff, readers at your ceremony, ushers (we're using separate ushers and groomsmen, gets more people involved, and helps things run smoother).  Also, gather a list of emails of all those people who want to help, and send them random emails asking their opinions about whatever: colors, song suggestions, hair styles, dresses, favors, menu choices, invitations, readings, anything.  You definitely don't have to take their advice, but makes them feel like they're being helpful!!

brad1431

I agree with caketime, it is your wedding not theirs.  Input at times is nice, but it should be controlled by you.  The only people that have input in our wedding are the ones paying for it, us...

mbcdefg

I'm not very big into getting help from people. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the offers, but I have really picky taste and I prefer to do things on my own so that I know I'm getting just what I want. I usually go with the, "Thanks for the offer, I'll let you know!" line. Or, "I aprpeciate the offer, but we've actually got that booked already. Do you want to see pics/the website?" If you just got engaged recently, you might not want to get others involved just yet. Like the PPs (previous posters) said, that's a LOT of opinions being thrown at you at once. Maybe it'd be better for you and FI to get your own ideas hammered out, then ask people for help once you are sure of what you want. But do what works best for you.

uppereastgirl

Totally agree with mbcdefg.  I was too type A to involve people in most things, and you run the risk of hurting feelings if you don't go with people's suggestions.  Except for close circle, I would leave others out of it at times and just thank them for the offer (and as mbcdefg, offer to give them info on what you have done).

dianenjnj

people of course, are excited for you right now...as far as venues, whoever is helping with the financing of the wedding plus you and your fi really are the only ones that need to be scouting them out...too many cooks, etc., will drive you nuts. since your wedding is a year away...after venue and church are booked you'll probably need help with invites., favors, etc...then you'll see who REALLY will be there to help!

jchristel

You guys are great!! I got my answers. Maybe I should have just asked, what kind of busywork do you proactively give to people that you know are going to be a gigantic pain in your *ss?