Agree or Disagree?

I <3 Seabass

...when the person doesnt know either family. To me it is like uppereast said, some upety ahole father trying to show off to his golf, business, or political buddies. That's kind of a contradiction. no? If they are buddies then they know at least 1 of the families. Anyways, my dad is inviting his golf buddies who I've never met. Why haven't I met them? Because I don't golf. He golfs with them at least twice a week and takes a yearly golf trip with them every year. Inviting them is not about showing off, it's about celebrating with people that he spends a great deal of time with and that have gotten to know me and the rest of our family through the stories he tells them. Similar stories can be told about co-workers that he's inviting that I've also never met. If that makes him an upety ahole father in your eyes so be it, I'm really not going to try and convince you otherwise, just trying to see if could understand where you were coming from but I really don't think I can.

mrs.spunky1508

but that's not what you said you said THEY DON'T KNOW EITHER FAMILY. That is not the case. They DO know a family/the family/the families, they don't know the bride & groom. That is different. I will say this though. Anyone who is blood-related to my dad, my H met for the first time at our wedding. Why? They all live out of state. That makes them NO LESS important to ME or my mom and dad that they were there, even though my H had never met them before. If anything, it makes it more important to me that they'd be there to support me and my decision to marry someone they had never had the opportunity to meet. And if my H had had an objection because he was following one of your "rules" there would not have been a wedding, b/c that is horsesh!t.

jtheiss

Brad, nobody is going to argue with you that your parents shouldn't invite the mailman or their favorite waiter at Cheesecake Factory. You're being ridiculous, and you know it. But inviting someone who they are close friends with is different. They know the family, your parents want to celebrate with them. You're going to be so busy at your wedding you won't even notice if there are people there you have never met. Moreover, are you not inviting your single guests with a plus one? Presumably they might bring a date who you've never met. Or is that outlawed as well since it's YOUR day?

brad1431

seabass, the point is if they are so important to your father, why havent you met them, why not go for a round with them?  My father has his best friend from work, but we see him a lot, he is like an uncle to me. If they are so important to your father, shouldnt they meet you before attending your wedding.  I think it is very odd, to meet someone for the first time at your wedding.  They are going to come up to congradulate you and you are going to say, thanks a lot, now who the heck are you???

Rosanna'n'Steve

brad doesn't read the posts...he only reads the parts he wants to read and repeats the same thing over and over and over again. I seriously feel like someone is pulling pieces of my brain out of my ear when i see brad's posts....it's truely painful to see someone repeat themselves over and over again.  That reminds me of the dementia patients I see at the nursing homes I work in. 

littledaisies

I- When I'm taking about strangers at the wedding, I'm not talking about my parents close friends. I think it would be strange if my parents had close friends that have never met their children. I'm talking about coworkers or acquaintances being invited to the wedding. The people that I have never met and probably will never see again after the wedding. I would prefer to keep them off the guest list. I'm not sure why it's a big deal that I don't agree with everyone else.

brad1431

It's your wedding, but it's their celebration as well. They are proud of the adult you have become and also of the mate you chose to spend your life with(in most cases). Yes, they want to show you off in a way, but they just want to celebrate such a milestone.Lisa BethSo it was to show off, so maybe I am not crazy, but nobody but lisa beth would admit to it.

mrs.spunky1508

I also met some of my H's fraternity brothers at our wedding. My H lived with these guys for 3.5 years, he shouldn't have invited them b/c I had never met them? No, they live in VA and Arkansas and West Virginia and we just never could schedule a get-together in the time we had before the wedding. Some have kids, some work for the CIA and are overseas a good part of the year. That makes them no less important to my H or even to me because I know they are a part of the person my H is, who he has become. They were happy to be there for us, I was thrilled to have them there. I wish we'd invited more of them, they had some great stories. As for the golfing thing, I don't golf. I am extremely uncoordinated and I just think it is boring. Plus I work when my FIL or whomever would be golfing,

Rosanna'n'Steve

little daisies, the reason people don't agree with your opinion is because your thought process just makes you sound completely selfish.  To say that you don't want anyone that you have met or approved of even though they are your parent's friends is selfish.  yes if they want to invite someone that they don't talk to or haven't associated with in years and years, fine, but if they are friends and you just don't want them there because you haven't happened to meet them just makes you sound like a prissy princess.  These are your parents and they want to share your special day with their friends too because it is also their special day.  

njbrowneyedgrl74

They are going to come up to congradulate you and you are going to say, thanks a lot, now who the heck are you???Actually Brad, my hubby is from OH and I met only his friends, his dad, brother and grandmom before the rehearsal dinner.  There were several people who introduced themselves to me when he wasn't around.  I said well, I'm Lisa Beth and we are both so happy you could join us.  My mother walked up to everyone and introduced herself and thanked them for coming.   I also had to introduce at least 30 people from my family to Mike, as he had never met them.  It's really not that hard to meet new people, especially when they took such effort to be there to celebrate.

I <3 Seabass

So it was to show off, so maybe I am not crazy, but nobody but lisa beth would admit to it. You're right Brad. Because one person said that was her parents' reasoning, that must mean that everyone else’s parents are doing it for the same reason. Makes perfect sense.

mrs.spunky1508

((applause for Lisa Beth!!!!!)) My mom and MIL were the same way, Lisa Beth. I really think they - my MIL especially - were overwhelmed with all the people who were there to wish us well.

littledaisies

It doesn't bother me if people agree or disagree with me. That's not what I meant. It's a problem that I don't agree with everyone else. I feel differently about the situation so that makes me the bad person. I don't understand why people even posts questions on this board if you can't have your own opinion. If someone else is okay with their parents inviting whoever they want then that's fine with me. I'm not going to make a big stink about it. For our wedding, my fiance and I decided to keep the wedding small and only invite close friends and family that we know. I'm not sure how that makes me a prissy princess or selfish.

Rosanna'n'Steve

Brad, let me ask you this...do you know ever member of your fi's side of the family....like do you know your future in-law's friends??  I mean you said you don't want to have anyone at your wedding that you don't know so that must mean that if you don't know your in-laws friends they are not invited right.  and don't give me well my fi knows them....you basically stated that you don't want to be introduced to new people at your wedding. 

njbrowneyedgrl74

I didn't say my parents showed me off, but I can see nothing wrong with being proud of your child and wanting your friends to be a part of that.  Our parents probably talk us up a pretty good deal on an every day basis.

brad1431

jtheis, sometimes you have to post ridiculous things, to try and show someone how ridiculous they are.  For example, it is odd for your father to invite his coworkers or golf buddies to your wedding, but you accept it as normal. So they only way for you to understand that most people thing it is odd, is to say something comparitive to that, that everyone would say is odd.  Like inviting your FIL mailman. Yes the mailman is different from your FIL golf buddies, but to you they are just strangers and the point of the comparison, is to show you that something you have accepted as not being odd, really is odd.The only way to get through to that person is to make a ridiculous comparison.  so while you think I say ridiculous things, it is in an attempt to show you how ridiculous you are, but most just miss the point and post stupid comments like f u, or just say stupid rude things

Rosanna'n'Steve

little daisies, it's absolutely your choice if you want to just have your close friend's and family to your wedding.  The origin of this post is saying that if your parents contribute money to your wedding, they should be able to invite their friends and brad is saying that he is allowed to tell them who can come and who can't even if they are giving money towards the wedding. 

mrs.spunky1508

Gosh, this may take the cake: Hey Brad, people who used to work with my mom (she retired from her main job in 2003) when I was a kid, heck even before I was born, showed up at the church. My mom saw them a few weeks before our wedding, told them we were getting married and they wanted to see me "all grown up". These are women who literally I had not seen in 10 years (more even!), or I didn't remember at all, but they remember my mom being pregnant with me, me as a baby, a toddler, etc. My mom kept in touch with them through the years, these are her friends. I was shocked when I saw them, but elated because the day was a culmination of our love for each other, our families' love for both of us in support of our love, and the love of all who surrounded us, who supported us - and our parents who supported us - through various stages of our lives.

brad1431

Rosanna, I dont get what you are saying.  Are you saying I should invite my FBIL's baseketball buddies, that is retarded, why would I invite them?? I am inviting my FBIL, but not his friends, they have nothing to do with our wedding, if we invited friends of every relative, we would have 1,000 guests...

jtheiss

And how's that working out for you Brad? Cuz it seems to me your exaggerated comparisons have failed to really convince anyone that their parents shouldn't be allowed to invite their friends to the wedding. You THINK that you're being very logical, but I assure you that you're not.

I <3 Seabass

the point is if they are so important to your father, why havent you met them, why not go for a round with them?1. Like I said, I don't golf. 2. My parents have a crap load of friends who happen to be mostly co-workers and golf buddies, and considering I have a social life of my own and we don't really run in the same circles the opportunity has not arose to meet ALL of them. I have however, heard tons of stories about them and vise versa.For my parents it's really not about showing off, it's about finally having that opportunity to get everyone that we all care about in the same place at the same time and finally meet one another and celebrate together. So I will have no problems when someone comes up to me and says 'Hi, I'm Mr. Smith, I work with your father. I've heard so much about you, it's so nice to finally meet you! Congratulations!"

littledaisies

I understand but I don't think because they are giving money or paying for everything means they get to invite whoever they choose and you get no say in it. I disagreed with the post.

Rosanna'n'Steve

brad, what the f_uck are you smoking?  how did my statement state that I expect you to invite your FBIL's basketball buddies.  I asked if you knew the friend's of your In-laws who are going to be invited to the wedding dumbass.  it's seriously like talking to one of the residents at a nursing home when we speak to you.  Do I have to spell it out. 

Rosanna'n'Steve

little daisies,then you shouldn't accept their money.  I'm not saying you can't limit the amount of people they invite, but why should you have a say in what specific person they want to invite

cvl105

how does my post saying my parents inviting their FRIENDS relate anything at all to them inviting a waiter from Cheesecake? They aren't friends with the waiter.  You wonder why people get angered by you?!

Denise91980

I know I am a little late on the topic....but FI and I are struggling to save money to have our wedding. My mother often tells me things she wants, or made guest and suggestions about the venue, but I tell her all the time, I will take her suggestions into consideration if she and my father were paying for it. Yes, some of their close friends who have known me for years will be invited, but if she wanted to pay for it I personally see it as her and my father throwing a party for us, so she could invite who she wanted, as long as I could have all the people I wanted there. The more the merrier, if she wants to pay for it. I wouldn't think it is selfish if she were paying and wanted certain people invited....I do think it is selfish that she wants to add her two cents for things that she is not contributing to.

jaimelody

I don't think this is as big an issue as everyone is making it out to be. We've all got different circumstances with parents, who's paying or contributing etc. FI and I are paying ourselves,  but I did let my mom have her "list" because it's only right to let your parents celebrate with you. Unfortunately, I don't have much to contribute here in relation to my wedding because I know all of the people my mom listed. Dad didn't get a list because he is who he is and isn't even getting a guest but that's another story. But that's my point - everyones specific situation is different. If your parents are paying for the wedidng I think a certain amount of inviting power should be given to them because at the end of the day that's their dollar and partly their party as well. When push comes to shove and the bride says "I want to invite 4-6 more friends" I think those should be invited over parents friends because it is the bride/grooms day.Whether Seabass feels comfortable with her dad's friends there and Brad would not, doesn't come down to her parents wanting to show off. They are choosing to celebrate in a different way and I think that's okay as long as she gets to include who she thinks is important that day as well.

cvl105

Also Brad, you're making your parents sound like rea inconsiderate a**holes.  If your parents would seriously invite random people that they just like, and aren't really friends with, then I really do feel bad for you in this situation.  But at that rate, it sounds like maybe you should commit your parents to a hospital or somewhere where they can be treated.

njbrowneyedgrl74

Jaime-well said!

brad1431

Rosanna, you meant FIL, not IL, inlaws include brother in law, sister in law etc....  I think you mean my FIL.  He doesnt really go out much, ever since his wife died, he just keeps to family.  He has one female friend that he sometimes goes to lunch with, but FI hates her, she is not invited and he knows it.  He does scouts a lot, but we have never met the other scout fathers, so they arent invited, but why would they be? My parents asked if they could invite 3 couples that FI and I both know, we said fine.  The original topic wasnt about if they wanted a friend or two, it was if they wanted to invite like 25% of the guests to be strangers to you, but doesnt seem like anyone remembers that. And if he did want to invite someone, we would make sure we meet them before the wedding.  I flew down to Florida to meet FI aunt.  She has met my relatives from far away through other weddings and funerals.  I wasnt talking about people who lived OOT, I was talking about golf, political buddies, or coworkers of IL's, where the father is really just trying to show off, it is very odd...