It's my party and I'll cry if I want to!

JaiteJanerico

I just need to vent...
 I have  a close group of friends from high school..  I have helped throw many showers and been in lots of weddings.  Now I am the one that's engaged.  I have tried to be a modest bride and not thrust my wedding upon anyone, because I know what it's like to feel like someone else's wedding is becoming the center-of-attention.  It's my wedding so I don't want to burden any of my friends with it.  However, I can't help but to feel unimportant.  I feel like this because none of my hometown friends ever ask my about my wedding or are planning any time of party or shower for me.  Also, one of my bridesmaids, from my hometown, got engaged over Christmas, and, though I am super happy for her, it's her second wedding and everything is becoming about her...again!  I just want to scream..."What about me!"  I've been engaged over a year, and for the last year I have smiled and pretended like my wedidng was no big deal, but I'd to feel like they cared enough about me to celebrate me and my upcoming wedding.

Thanks for letting me vent.  I am emotionally bruised enough as it is, so please kepe your harsh comments to yourself.  (Isn't it sad that I have to say that on here?)

SD3194

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_north-carolina_its-party-ill-cry-wan?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:115Discussion:2a2b358d-a625-4e21-a2ca-b1b225983095Post:674ee4a8-34e3-4592-8e19-c84584009f47">It's my party and I'll cry if I want to!</a>:
[QUOTE]I just need to vent...  I have  a close group of friends from high school..  I have helped throw many showers and been in lots of weddings.  Now I am the one that's engaged.  I have tried to be a modest bride and not thrust my wedding upon anyone, because I know what it's like to feel like someone else's wedding is becoming the center-of-attention.  It's my wedding so I don't want to burden any of my friends with it.  However, I can't help but to feel unimportant.  I feel like this because none of my hometown friends ever ask my about my wedding or are planning any time of party or shower for me.  Also, one of my bridesmaids, from my hometown, got engaged over Christmas, and, though I am super happy for her, it's her second wedding and everything is becoming about her...again!  I just want to scream..."What about me!"  I've been engaged over a year, and for the last year I have smiled and pretended like my wedidng was no big deal, but I'd to feel like they cared enough about me to celebrate me and my upcoming wedding. Thanks for letting me vent.  I<strong> am emotionally bruised enough as it is, so please kepe your harsh comments to yourself.  (Isn't it sad that I have to say that on here?)</strong>
Posted by JaiteJanerico[/QUOTE]


This is a little silly...the girls on this board are very nice.

I understand your vent and it sucks that no one seems to be excited for your wedding. However, your bridesmaids aren't required to throw you any kind of shower/party and it would be rude of you to ask for one. When is your wedding? Maybe they haven't brought up anything because your wedding is still far out. I hope things work out for you.

JaiteJanerico

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_north-carolina_its-party-ill-cry-wan?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:115Discussion:2a2b358d-a625-4e21-a2ca-b1b225983095Post:f200a5bf-8442-428e-a761-3dfcfe14a02e">Re: It's my party and I'll cry if I want to!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to It's my party and I'll cry if I want to! : This is a little silly...the girls on this board are very nice. I understand your vent and it sucks that no one seems to be excited for your wedding. However, your bridesmaids aren't required to throw you any kind of shower/party and it would be rude of you to ask for one. When is your wedding? Maybe they haven't brought up anything because your wedding is still far out. I hope things work out for you.
Posted by SD3194[/QUOTE]

My wedding is in two months, so it's doubtful.  I know no one is required to throw anything for me, but I can't help to be a little hurt. I don't want people to feel like I am trying to shove my wedding down there throats, so I don't talk about my it much, and by doing that they may think it's not a big deal to me.   It's not about wanting to be fawned over.  I've never been one to demand the attention or to steal anyone else's spotlight, but I feel like my one opportunity to be is gone.

I very aware that I am being silly, but who hasn't had a  "What about me!" moment?

I made the comment about being nice because the first time I ever posted on the knot, I had several people jump all over me for my question and start belittling me and tell me my relationship was doomed to fail.  So now I am overly cautious. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-embarassed.gif" border="0" alt="Embarassed" title="Embarassed" />

jennb3

That is definitely a hard place to be in. I'd like to say mayyyybe they are going to surprise you with something but it is starting to get to a time when that may just be getting your hopes up. Not that this is the same thing but maybe you could save some money up and give yourself a little pampering day for just you - get a massage or a manicure or something and enjoy a Self Health Day!

JaiteJanerico

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_north-carolina_its-party-ill-cry-wan?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:115Discussion:2a2b358d-a625-4e21-a2ca-b1b225983095Post:249a9dbe-168d-42ec-8dd9-50b839a7224b">Re: It's my party and I'll cry if I want to!</a>:
[QUOTE]That is definitely a hard place to be in. I'd like to say mayyyybe they are going to surprise you with something but it is starting to get to a time when that may just be getting your hopes up. Not that this is the same thing but maybe you could save some money up and give yourself a little pampering day for just you - get a massage or a manicure or something and enjoy a Self Health Day!
Posted by jennb3[/QUOTE]

That is a FABULOUS idea!  Maybe I just need a day to unwind myself.  It may give me some clarity and help me give over my pitty party for one.

HillShmill

I really relate to what you're feeling.  I've also been engaged for over a year and am just now starting to plan my wedding.  I have one good friend who will ask how things are going everyone once and a while but besides her, I pretty much keep to myself.  I see friends who have recently become engaged having 2 or 3 engagement parties thrown for them and posting engagement photos all over Facebook.  I never had an engagement party and probably won't have a shower either just because my friends/family and spread out all over the country.  It almost feels like you're being overlooked, right?  But I've come to accept that my personality and my group of friends just aren't conducive to the type of fawning most other girls get to enjoy.  And I've just got to be OK with that because my wedding will be more about love and happinees and less about who's there and who threw what party.  I agree with the spa day idea.  Maybe bring your FI along too if he'll put up with the girly stuff   And if you do have one good friend or maybe a sister that you can spend a fun afternoon with, do that.  In 5 years, you won't look back on your showers and parties or who got you what gift; you'll look back on your wedding and how happy you and your new husband are at the start of your new life together. 

Wishing you the best and know that there are other brides out there in the same situation!

andrea01012009

sometimes it hurts but you realize who your real friends are.

jmp0930

I totally understand where you are coming from. I know its hard to except, but nobody will care about your wedding like you do. None of my bridesmaids live in the same time zone (they are spread out all over the US and 1 have 1 in the UK). None of them ask me how planning is going, what they can do to help, etc. They have their own lives and I don't expect them to pay me much attention or throw me a shower or any kind of party. I was bothered by that at first, but I got over it real quick when I realized its my wedding not theirs, so why would they care. Their only obligation is to show up. Hopefully they will come together the weekend of your wedding and be super excited to participate in all the wonderful activities for your big day. Like HillShmill said, in 5 years that stuff won't even matter. The most important thing is you are getting married and the only people you have to worry about is you and him. Good luck girl! We are nice over here don't feel intimitated or scared of people's responses.

kelsey+brandon

Andrea, that is completely ridiculous..."You didn't throw me a shower, so you aren't a realy friend..." Whatever!

Maybe you just need to start talking about the wedding to them and how excited you are about it! They might just think that since you haven't talked about it much or been making a big deal, that you don't even want a bridal shower. Have y'all talked about doing something for a Bachelorette party? You could just mention to some of them that you want to go out for a night out on the town to celebrate your last bit of single-hood and maybe they'll throw you something that night too!

And even if you don't get a shower, or anything like that; this is your wedding to your FI. YOU should be excited and he should too. Maybe the two of you can do something to make you special and he can show you how excited HE is about the wedding!

And CONGRATS on your wedding being so close!!

andrea01012009

geez...this should be renamed the hey look at me i'm the center of the universe wheather you like or not thread.  so get busy planning my showers and bachelor party. 

mnw0910

Andrea,  I guess you have lots of support for your wedding?

I don't think it's about wanting to be in the the center of attention. I am in the same boat as OP is. I get married in less than 2 months. I've had no help with anything and no showers or bachelorette party and no one is talking about planning anything.  It also hurts my feelings because I have done those things for others.  It just makes you feel like you're not worth making the effort.

JaiteJanerico

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_north-carolina_its-party-ill-cry-wan?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:115Discussion:2a2b358d-a625-4e21-a2ca-b1b225983095Post:22315a46-114a-4af2-bf0a-540d8ce6f6bb">Re: It's my party and I'll cry if I want to!</a>:
[QUOTE]Andrea,  I guess you have lots of support for your wedding? I don't think it's about wanting to be in the the center of attention. I am in the same boat as OP is. I get married in less than 2 months. I've had no help with anything and no showers or bachelorette party and no one is talking about planning anything.  It also hurts my feelings because I have done those things for others.  It just makes you feel like you're not worth making the effort.
Posted by mnw0910[/QUOTE]

That's exactly what it feels like!

SD3194

I don't want to this to come off the wrong way but maybe some of you should really stop and think about why people aren't putting effort into planning things for you.

 I grew up with 3 girls and for the most part we have all kept in touch. One of the girls became distant and was always stuck up her fiance's butt, couldn't do anything without him. She never hung out with us and even though she would show up for things like baby showers etc., she never put much effort into maintaining the relationship.

One day she gets engaged and expects all of us to be overly excited and start planning parties, going dress shopping, and all that other wedding stuff. We were happy for her but, as bad as it sounds, weren't all that excited and didn't put much thought or time into her wedding. It probably hurt her feelings but maybe she should have put more effort into maintaining friendships.

Just some opinions from a different perspective.

mnw0910

SD3194 - My 3 bridesmaids are my 2 sisters and my FI's sister. I talk to my sisters all the time.  I talk to my 2 closest friends everyday. So no, it's not because I haven't maintained the relationships. I think some people just get so caught up in their own lives that they forget to stop and think. I know everyone is busy and have things going on, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt my feelings.

ETA:  I feel like what I typed seems a little snarky, that's not how I meant it!  I was just trying to explain why my feelings are hurt.

JaiteJanerico

I have two groups of friends.  One group I speak to and see on a regular basis and one that I see on holidays and at weddings.  It would not hurt my feelings if the latter group didn't throw me a shower.  But the girls in the first group are all in my wedding and I've been in their's, so it is not a matter of neglecting friendships.  I get that it's MY wedding and not their's.  That's why I don't try to bombard them by excessively talking about it.  It hurts my feelings...plain and simple.  I don't think we, those of us who are in this boat, have to justify why we feel this way or feel guilty for it either.  Trust me, I'd much rather not be upset about it, but I can't help how I feel.

I am thankful for ALL of your replies you ladies have taken the time to post.  I don't want this to become a source of "message board tension."

I think the thing that makes me most hesitant about posting on these boards and the reason I keep my post to a minimum is because people tend to judge too quickly and jump to conclusions.   I don't think people, or hope that they don't, intentionally try to be snarky or hurt another knotties feelings, but it happens.   We all need to be aware when we do this, instead of jumping on the defensive and perpetuating the situation.  Sometimes things aren't as complicated as we try to make them seem and not everything has deep rooted issues.  I would hope as fellow brides-to-be we would all understand that each of us handles wedding planning differently and are affected by the same issue differently.  We don't have to agree, but it would be great if we could just support each other.  Sorry, that was the former school teacher in me. Don't hold it against me...

SD3194

Jaite - my post wasn't necessarily directed at you because obviously I don't know all the details of your situation, just some food for thought I suppose.

Don't be scared to post. Sometimes posters can be a little rude or blunt on the international boards but I think we're pretty nice over here.

I do think you should sit down with your wedding party and explain to them why you're upset. They might be 100% oblivious to how you feel. Good luck and I hope your wedding is great!

NcsuPsych

As SD said, please don't be afriad to post. There will be the occassional snark, but 95% of the time things are great on this board Please don't let someones response push you away from a wonderful community that's full of awesome ideas and ladies.

Sometimes harsh things can be said, but usually they're in good intention and not out of cruelty.  Meaning, at times, the truth hurts (this is not pertaining to this post, just in general). But even with that said, it is the internet and anyone with a log in can respond, so sometimes things must be taken with a grain of salt.

Lastly. . I *think* someone has already mentioned this, but instead of dwelling on a lack of shower. . .pamper yourself. Maybe go to a salon and get a massage/facial/mani pedi. . just a 'YOU' day . Maybe even take your FI with you and just have it as a time to enoy each other and unwind.  We all at time need 'us' time and I promise you'll feel sooo much better afterwards!

Good luck and hope to have you stick around on the board!

JaiteJanerico

Thanks ladies!  I will just chill.   I hope that we will have a knottie GTG, so we can all swap wedding stories and unwind.