Question about Maid of Honor (New person here)

swmr4life

Hello everyone,
  I just needed some advice on what to do concerning my maid of honor.  To make a long story short, I need to order my bridesmaid dresses by the end of Jan. to ensure they get here for my May wedding.  I have not asked my Maid of Honor to help with any of the planning, no showers, etc and I am getting the run around on if she will go with me to even look at the three types of dresses I have picked out.  I have two other bridesmaid that have already looked at the dresses and liked the styles.  I am stressing out since I only have two weekends left and I tried to talk to her about going with me and she doesn't seem to have the time.  I was actually going to help her pay for part of her dress since she voiced a concern that the dress was over $100.00($128.00 on all three styles).  None of my other bridesmaid had any problem with the amount of money over the dress but I just wanted to be nice to her.  I was also paying for her hair, makeup, nails, flowers, bridal party gift, etc.  I just don't know if I should at this point let her know that it seems to be issues with her being in my wedding and I should just tell her not to worry about it.  Any advice is greatly appreciated.

ktyd8

You can't really kick someone out of your bridal party if you already asked her. Could you possibly afford to pay for part of the dress? If she means a lot to you and you really want her in the wedding, maybe instead of paying for her hair and nails (and not require her to have them done) you could pay for her dress.

swmr4life

I already told her months ago and this week that I would help pay for part of her dress.  The problem is that I can't afford to pay for all of her dress which I never told her I would and I keep getting the run around on her even trying to look at the dresses.  I only have until the end of Jan. to order and that is fast approaching which I told her this past week as well.  I just got the feeling that she really doesn't want to be in the wedding. 

ktyd8

I would just tell her that you will pay X amount of dollars towards her dress and when she needs to have the dress ordered by. If she doesn't take the initiative to order the dress and your wedding comes around and she has no dress, then I guess she chose to excuse herself from being MOH. There is only so much you can do. I know you a really frustrated but you can't force her to buy the dress. I'm assuming you're close to this person, so maybe you should just have a heart-to-heart asking if she still wants to be MOH and if she doesn't, that's okay. You just need to know! It might be financially hard for her to even swing half the cost of the dress. She may be more comfortable financially just being a guest.

shigaites

I agree with Kaitlyn.  I think it's important that you two sit down and talk like rational adults about what's going on.  Maybe she's had some recent financial trouble that's affecting things.  But I think if you guys go out for a cup of coffee and talk it over you can reach an agreement you both will be satisfied with, whatever that may be.

katherineUTC

I had the same exact thing happen to me with a bridesmaid. When I asked her in October '08 to be in the wedding as a BM, she said yes. In my opinion, when someone asks you to be in a wedding and you accept, you should have thought about all the expenses that come along with that role BEFORE saying yes. Most people know there are costs involved. Personally I dont think a $128 dress for a BM is that bad. Anyway, so my friend accepted but when it came time to send her money and measurements (I ordered all the BM dresses together so they would all be cut from the same dye lot), she just wouldnt do it. She kept stalling, I wouldnt hear from her for weeks, even though I emailed, left messages, etc. Finally I told her, look, if I dont have your money and measurements by end of May, I wont be able to order you a dress. So then, soon thereafter, she said that she mailed the items to me. Great. So i wait, and wait, and they never come. I tell her that I never got them and that she'll have to resend, at which point she says, I only had one copy of my measurements and I mailed that one copy so I dont have another. She didnt offer to get measured again, she didnt offer to 'make it right.' I got really aggrevated and said, "I dont know what to tell you." So she said, well I dont want to hold you up... so I said, what are you trying to say? And she says, I dont know. At that point I really knew she didnt want to be in the wedding, I even suspected that she lied about sending anything in the mail to begin with. I was SO mad that she just wasted my time and made me wait around, instead of just being upfront. I just think if someone would prefer not to be in the wedding and spend money, they should tell you that upfront. Or just politely decline.  

If I were you, I would simply tell your MOH "I need to order the dress no later than (x date), I can pay for x% of the dress, if I dont have the remainder from you by this date, unfortunately I wont be able to order one for you, because time is getting very short." And that leaves the ball in HER court. Good luck, I totally understand your frustration.

momofayden

My sister (moh) wouldn't go dress shopping with me either.  So i picked the dress and said this it it, buy it.  I found online seems to be the cheapest route if you can find it.  SInce you are offering to pay for half, which is very generous, put the deposit down on the dress and order it for her and then she will be responsible to pay the rest when she picks it up.  $128 for a BM is a very good price. 

As a side note: I would ask her if she still wants to participate in the wedding or just be a guest, since she is dragging her feet on the dress.