As many of you know I am getting married this coming NYE. The wedding which is IMO large 200ppl is costing me and FI a boat load of money. Both sets of parents are helping but we are covering more than half. FI thinks that anyone thats not engaged or married should not come with a date. This would mean, most cousins would come single. FMIL is pissed. After FI told her last night that cousins did not get dates, she procliamed that then they would have A LOT of declines on their side bc of this. He explained that this would add 10 ppl on their side atleast and 10 ppl on myside atleast and that we just couldnt afford it. I have 2 BM who will bring dates bc they have been dating BF for 5 years. Most goomsmen are married 2 are cousins and very single. The rest of my BP is single or married and they know they can bring dates. Can I get some opinions on this? FMIL is hella pissed and I dont know if she is right in her thinking or if she isnt how I can smooth things over.
Re: Everyone with Dates? Long
We personally invited everyone with a date, we thought they would have more fun with dates. Many of our single dates did opt to not bring a date.
I have been to weddings where I wasn't invited with a date (wasn't dating FI at the time) and it was fine.
Look at it this way, if they bring dates, they will probably give you a bigger gift that will help with the added cost.
Or perhaps, limit the date thing to people that you know for a fact that are not dating anyone.
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Truthfully because it is NYE I think you should allow everyone to bring a date. Yes, this will cost more for you but it's NYE.
I also agree with caketime - because it's NYE it does change things a bit.
As for the FMIL issue you just need to tell her what your line is and that's that. If you make exceptions for them you have to make the exception for everyone.
As I said some of the BP has dates bc they are married or have been dating for a long time, others dont bc they are single single single for 5 years single. So are you suggesting t hat i should allow them to bring a random person to the wedding just bc they are in the bridal party? I just would find it annoying to have to babysit someone who didnt know anyone at the wedding especially if I was in the bridal party and wanted to have a fun time.
[QUOTE]Caketime: As I said some of the BP has dates bc they are married or have been dating for a long time, others dont bc they are single single single for 5 years single. So are you suggesting t hat i should allow them to bring a random person to the wedding just bc they are in the bridal party? I just would find it annoying to have to babysit someone who didnt know anyone at the wedding especially if I was in the bridal party and wanted to have a fun time.
Posted by Danes983[/QUOTE]
Yes, absolutely! Anyone in your BP and GP should be allowed to bring a date. If they choose not to because they do not want to babysit them that is their choice.
And if I was in a 6-month relationship deciding between NYE with my BF/GF and your wedding you bet your stars I will not be at your wedding. You have a year to go. Try to save up so people in relationships can bring someone and hopefully everyone else can have the option.
Coming to a wedding single = not so much fun unless I know lots of people.
Coming to a wedding single on NYE = HELL
It's such a date night. Can you pinch pennies anywhere else so that you can allow people to bring guests? I think you should really try to allow guests if you can.
Can you change the type of flowers? Downgrade a limo? Something....
[QUOTE]The only people that can bring dates is if they are married, engaged or if they have been dating for 2 years or more. Posted by Danes983[/QUOTE]
So a 1-year relationship isn't good enough? I think that sounds a little crazy... Anyone in a relationship should be invited with a date. If it's been 2 weeks, I could see not inviting that person with a guest, but I don't think it's fair to put an arbitrary number like 2 years on it. And chances are, there's a bunch of people that you won't know how long they've been in relationships for. I also think all BP members should be invited with a guest. Not only is being in a BP expensive, but they're doing a lot for you and sacrificing their time. The least you could do is invite them with guests.
Being that our wedding was on NYE, we invited everyone with a guest (aside from teenage cousins or older widows [depending on the person...my grandma would never want a date, her sister definitely did, etc.]). I was surprised that a lot of single people opted to not bring a date, but I think they all appreciated the option. BUT if you want the declines, then go ahead with your plan but expect more declines and more headaches from people calling and asking to bring a date--it WILL happen. Personally, I would cut the guest list to allow for guests.
I would suggest you cut your guest list to accomodate more guests. But my best thought is that you have almost a year, do whatever you can to save additional $ per month. If you can avoid going out to dinner, bars, bringing your own lunch to work, whatever, it will all help.
I don't think it is fair whether it is NYE or any old day of the week to not invite adults without a guest.
Had a friend that did not allow dates for people that were not engaged/married and didn't allow her BP to do it. Other friend that was in the BP and was seriously dating a guy for about 6 months STILL talks about it to this day when the wedding topic comes up (and its been years). I know its hard when you are footing the bill yourself, but I have to say that you very likely will offend some people. Keep in mind that many people that are not seriously dating someone will likely show up alone anyway, especially if they know other people going to the wedding.
But it is still your choice and your FMIL shouldn't be mad!!
My "rule" was you had to be dating. I don't care if it was for a month. It just had to be a person that they were currently dating. I know I would have been really insulted if I was dating DH for a year or two and not invited to a wedding because we weren't married yet.
Rules are made to be broken right? I had a lot of people call and ask to bring dates. People I had never even met (so how serious could you be?). I let everyone but ONE who was just super obnoxious about it and an irritating person in general. He wanted to find someone on myspace to bring and we sort of have a bickering relationship to begin with so I told him no.
All of my bridal party was invited with guests. They are shelling out a lot of money to be a part of your day, the least you can do is give them the option of having someone there.