Does anyone else think it's nobody's business...

Just Jen

... who's paying for the wedding?

Frankly, I don't think my second cousins or FI's friends from college need to know who's footing the bill.

We didn't word our invites "properly" to reflect who's really paying (of course, that's not the only thing not proper about our invites....), because the whole notion bothers me -- the expectation that the verbiage should broadcast what I consider private info to all our family and friends.

Am I alone?

cvl105

It's definitely nobody's business...but it doesn't bother me if someone asks I guess.

Just Jen

Sorry -- this was in response to the invite wording question.

I just object to the idea that you should word your invites based on who's paying.

That's all. I had a little grumpy moment ;-)

caketime

No you are not alone.  It is nobody's business.  But then again I think a lot of things are not for anyone to know unless it directly affects me or the bottom line of a company. i.e. Tiger Woods - that is between him and his wife, leave them alone especially her.  Brad and Angelina - who cares!? 

cvl105

oh haha...I didn't read that one yet! lol 

But I can assume what it's in reference to. I guess that all depends.  My Mom wanted it to be known that she was really hosting the reception as she paid for a lot of our wedding.  I put all parents names on the invitation but put her and my stepdad on the reception card.  My Dad was upset, but what was I to do. I was trying to please everyone....I've realized that's impossible.

Lola Minnie

You're not alone.  I may answer anoynmously on a poll here but there are very few of you that know me in real life.  Would I tell others who is paying? No. Can they assume from my invites? Maybe, but odds are no one will really pay attention to who hosts.  

And if someone were to ask me, I'd be vague.  I wouldn't say my parents are giving this percentage or this amount.  I would say they are very generous and we are also helping out. 

DandT1206

Since the wording should come from the host, I think there should be a format to wording the invitation.  If parents are paying, then they are the host.  I believe in giving credit where credit is due. 
I know my parents would be upset if I didn't mention their names.  Since they paid for a considerable amount of the wedding, I would not want to slight them.  I am not a big fan of "together with their parents" either (unless you have a confusing situation with divorced/deceased/single/etc. parents).  However, I did mention his parents names also.  They helped us pay for a house.

But then again I'm just a traditional girl....

caketime

Oh on that I will disagree a bit.  If your parents are paying for over 75% of the wedding then they are hosting and should be ackonwledged as such.  Would I get bent out of shape if someone did not do that, no.  However, I do think it's proper.

akmackay

I don't think it's anyone's business... if you want to be so specific on wording the invite as to showcase who is paying, fine. But what does it matter if you are paying and you give a little shout out to your parents? Do you think people will give more money if they know you are paying for it yourself?! Your parents raised you, that's payment enough (IMO)

**Thought to self... Need to get going on my invitations :-/**

Lola Minnie

ps. I can't wait to hear Brad's thoughts on this one

DandT1206

oh yeah and by wording the invitation in a certain way does not mean I agree with telling everyone HOW MUCH anyone is contributing.  People can guess all they want.

mbcdefg

I totally agree with giving credit where credit is due, but I don't think that the invitation is the place to do that. If parents want the guests to know that they paid for some/all of the wedding, then they may as well hang up a big banner at the reception that says, "Just so you know, you're eating on our dime! Love, Bride's Mom and Dad."

akmackay

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_anyone-else-think-its-nobodys-business?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:90Discussion:5ccc6b8f-d90f-4fec-8b85-581f85012162Post:e2bc33d2-b932-4888-9d02-ea2b8db25547">Re: Does anyone else think it's nobody's business...</a>:
[QUOTE]hang up a big banner at the reception that says, "Just so you know, you're eating on our dime! Love, Bride's Mom and Dad."
Posted by mbcdefg[/QUOTE]

That would be a class act! hahaha

melissa82

I don't think it's anyone's business who paid for what.

I don't really view that issue as being inherently tied to the invitations, however. I put both our parents' names regardless. I suppose if the wording was unusual (e.g., Bride's uncle requests the honor of your presence...) I might assume he had paid for the wedding, but in most other cases I don't make assumptions based on the invitation. I think on the knot it's perceived a certain way, but in real life I think there are probably a lot of people who see "Together with their parents" or other nontraditional wording and just simply like it or think it's unique.

Just Jen

I guess, in my case (and I don't mind sharing here, since you don't really know me or my family), we're paying for the vast majority, hopefully all of it. But I don't think it's any of our guests' business what my parents' financial situation is.

I don't know. The whole tradition just irks me.

uppereastgirl

I absolutely agree.  I particularly think it is weird when people put "together with their parents" on the invitations when the bride and groom are paying for all/some  I understand it when the groom's parents are chipping in, because they may want some credit for hosting, but if the bride has a nice relationship with her parents, why does she need to make it clear to everyone that her parents didn't pay for all of it?  Just seems unnecessary to call them out like that.

Two of our friends just got engaged and the boy was basically saying every time the wedding came up, even when it wasn't particularly relevant, that "Maggie's parents have been nice enough to offer to pay for the reception" (meaning, not the whole thing).  And then he'd say that their budget per person for the wedding was $125.  It was not a pretty scene when Maggie was finally like "Uh, you don't need to tell everyone the specifics of the finances of our wedding?"  He had honestly been totally clueless that you don't tell the world how much you're spending etc.

AlmostLoCo

I put "together with our families" even though we're paying for every penny of it ourselves. We had to do this wording due to our particular family situation - my parents are divorced/dad is remarried, and FI was mostly raised by his aunt.

I don't know if I would have worded it like this, except that my mom wanted it that way and I didn't really give it much thought.  But now that I think about it, there are a number of people that are being invited more for the sake of our parents than for our own sake - such as friends of my mom's or relatives of FMIL who I never met and FI barely knows.  It's a celebration for them too even if they're not paying for it, so in my mind it makes sense to have the invite (sorta) come from them too. 

That being said, my mom has been very vocal to everyone she talks to about the wedding that we're paying for it ourselves, and it does make me uncomfortable because I don't think its anyone's business!

cherylanddan0706

I put together with their parents, il's did nada mom did dress, and I barely speak to my father so guess people could think what they want. I don't think if anyone came up to me and said "who paid for this" I would be mad I would just answer, I'm a pretty open person.

mbcdefg

I put "Together with their parents" basically because I wanted a less wordy way of including the three of them. Not because FI and I are paying for the bulk of things.

jchristel

I've been looking at invitation wording for my situation- divorced parents, FI's father is deceased and have read in a few places that the invitation wording isn't supposed to indicate who is paying the bill.  If that were the case, only one out of the three parents would be on the invitation, but we are putting all 3.  I kind of thought it was who is giving the bride away and being respectful and including his Mom.  Is that just archaic etiquette?

caketime

It also depends on the relationship with each set of parents.  In my case I did not want his them anywhere on the invitation.  We ended up, begrudgingly, doing "son of" because it was the proper thing to do.  But no way in hell was I writing together with their parents.

cherylanddan0706

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_anyone-else-think-its-nobodys-business?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:90Discussion:5ccc6b8f-d90f-4fec-8b85-581f85012162Post:e6bbd752-a065-4b38-bf95-0d5ba336ec16">Re: Does anyone else think it's nobody's business...</a>:
[QUOTE]I absolutely agree.  I particularly think it is weird when people put "together with their parents" on the invitations when the bride and groom are paying for all/some  I understand it when the groom's parents are chipping in, because they may want some credit for hosting, but if the bride has a nice relationship with her parents, why does she need to make it clear to everyone that her parents didn't pay for all of it?  Just seems unnecessary to call them out like that. Posted by uppereastgirl[/QUOTE]

I did this not because either family was helping but because I wanted our families included in the invite.  I never went by the ettiquette of invite wording to be honest.  It's not easy for me to put my father on anything, but our parents are our parents and even though its all us, its them too.  If anyone commented on my invite saying "oh Cheryl's parents didn't pay for all of it and Dan's parents must have put some in and C&D paid for a lot themselves", well then they have issues of their own lol

Obviously this is not towards you, but I didn't read all the posts when I was posting from my BB and again I say, I was happy to pay for OUR wedding ourselves, just as I am happy for people who have their parents helping out.  Everyone is in different situations.

Lolyalyssa

I think people are going to make assumptions about who is paying based on other things besides the invitation.

Plus I also think that the bride and groom's age and financial situation can make it obvious.  We are both going to be in our early thirites and we are both lawyers- people know we are paying and not our parents, it doesn't matter what our invite says.

kle0113

No I do not think it is anyone's business who is paying for what at the wedding. 

We did "Because you have shared in our lives with your friendship and love, we"

MH and I paid for our entire wedding.  The only thing we did not pay fully for was our RD.  His parents gave us some money towards that.  Do I think this is anyone's business absoulty not.   

connor24

My FI and I are paying for the entire wedding ourselves, should we still put our parents name on the invite out of respect?

cherylanddan0706

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_anyone-else-think-its-nobodys-business?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:90Discussion:5ccc6b8f-d90f-4fec-8b85-581f85012162Post:3d0206aa-07ca-4bb5-9968-2f50e3eeb29c">Re: Does anyone else think it's nobody's business...</a>:
[QUOTE]I think people are going to make assumptions about who is paying based on other things besides the invitation. Plus I also think that the bride and groom's age and financial situation can make it obvious.  We are both going to be in our early thirites and we are both lawyers- people know we are paying and not our parents, it doesn't matter what our invite says.
Posted by Lolyalyssa[/QUOTE]

I'm sorry not sure how people can make an "obvious" assumption based on being in your thirties and being lawyers, I know lots of older people killer salary jobs where their parents paid, and people who are younger and less "awesome" jobs and paid themselves

caketime

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_anyone-else-think-its-nobodys-business?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:5ccc6b8f-d90f-4fec-8b85-581f85012162Post:3d0206aa-07ca-4bb5-9968-2f50e3eeb29c">Re: Does anyone else think it's nobody's business...</a>:
[QUOTE]Plus I also think that the bride and groom's age and financial situation can make it obvious.  We are both going to be in our early thirites and we are both lawyers- people know we are paying and not our parents, it doesn't matter what our invite says.
Posted by Lolyalyssa[/QUOTE]

<div>If people know you are paying they know this because you told them.  I would never make the assumption you are paying just because you are both lawyers.  Maybe you are in a ton of student loan debt, maybe you have credit card debt, maybe your parents have always wanted to pay for your wedding.  To many variables than just what your job is.</div>

acablitas

Definitely no one's business except yours and FI's.  

acablitas

I also read it too fast.  Sorry about that!

We're footing most of the bill (about 85% of it) while our parents are helping us with some costs.  We decided to put both sets of parents names on the invitation.. We put

Along with our parents,

Girl's Parents &

Boy's Parents

... The wording is something along those lines.  I can't seem to remember it.

uppereastgirl

In Response to <a href="http://forums.weddings.com/Sites/Weddings/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_anyone-else-think-its-nobodys-business?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:5ccc6b8f-d90f-4fec-8b85-581f85012162Post:3d0206aa-07ca-4bb5-9968-2f50e3eeb29c">Re: Does anyone else think it's nobody's business...</a>:
[QUOTE]I think people are going to make assumptions about who is paying based on other things besides the invitation. Plus I also think that the bride and groom's age and financial situation can make it obvious.  We are both going to be in our early thirites and we are both lawyers- people know we are paying and not our parents, it doesn't matter what our invite says.
Posted by Lolyalyssa[/QUOTE]

<div>Being a lawyer doesn't mean at all that parents aren't contributing/paying/nice enough to deserve traditional recognition as hosts.  Also, "lawyer" in and of itself can mean a LOT of different things socio-economically.</div>

kewltif

DH and I debated this one.  He was adamant that the host belongs at the top of the invite, which was us.  I wanted to include everyone's name out of respect so we did "Daughter of ...." and "Son of ..." under each of our names.

I think it's easy for me to say, "I don't care, phrase it as you want!" But when money is involved, I think it can lead to a lot of hurt feelings.

If the bride's family pays for most of the wedding, I do think it's proper to list them as the hosts, and then list the grooms parents below.  On the flip side, if the parents are contributing equally, then they should be acknowledged equally.  I think it would have been very misleading for me to list my parents as the hosts and sort of disrespectful to DH's parents who gave us the exact same dollar amount (coincidentally).