30 Minute Rule for Ceremony Time?

Gryantmarch2step

We're having our ceremony at the same location as our reception; the guy at the venue told me whatever time I want my ceremony to start, to put 30 minutes earlier as the time on the invitation.

So, if I want my ceremony to start at 6:00, I should put 5:30 on the invitation.

Is that correct or should I put the actual ceremony start time (6:00) on the invitation? 

sparkles2010

Put the actual time - your guests will not want to be there 1/2 hour early.  You can walk down "late."  Sometimes you can't help people being late. 

cherylanddan0706

Honesty, I was told by my minister to put 1/2 before (i REFUSED to walk down late or have a person I wanted to hit because they were late) i regretted it, and have been slammed on here for doing it lol...put actually. (I was married at the venue as well)

leah2b

put the time of.  If people are late, that's their problem for not being timely.

jaimelody

Why would someone tell you to do that? That's just so odd to me. A friend of mine did it and I thought it was strange then too. Because she and I are the types of people to actually run late... Well, she did and her guests were there for an hour with nothing to do before the ceremony. Put the actual time and shoot to actually be on time - if you are, great. If not, oh well. You're the bride and can be a few minutes behind.

rachaelb16

Put the actual time.  People like me will be there 30 minutes before the time on the invite.  I would be annoyed to sit for an hour before the wedding started, especially if I found out the invite didn't have the actual start time.  If people are late that is their problem.

peaches85

I know I'm going to get totally flamed for this, but we're making our own invitations and we're putting AT LEAST 30 minutes (possibly an hour) before for a couple of our guests (NOT all of them).  Most will have the actual time, but there are several friends on FI's side who run on LT (Latino Time) and they're notorious for showing up after the ceremony is already over and the reception is well under way.  Yes it's rude and yes it's their fault if they're not there on time, but we WANT them there.  We could beg them until our faces turn blue to just show up on time, but they're just habitually late individuals regardless of the occasion (this includes their own kids' communions).  And I know some of you will say that if they start talking to other people they'll find out the actual time, but it won't happen like that.  People on FI's side have been telling them early start times for party after party and it's always worked out for the best.  Whatever time they have on paper in front of them is the time they'll go by... and then show up an hour later.

Personally, I'd be pi**ed if someone put an early start time on an invitation to me, so I wouldn't recommend doing it to everyone (then again, I'm always on time and I know that if a ceremony start time is listed as X o'clock, that means my butt better be there at least a few minutes early), but if you have a few people and a situation for which you know it's necessary, then do whatever you think is best.  You know your guests better than we do.

Lola Minnie

this is the dumbest debate I see on the knot.  put the actual time. if people are late, that's their problem and loss, not yours.

SandDD

Our place told us the same thing, which I thought was odd myself. My mom said the only guests we should be lying about the start time to is ourselves! We're late to just about everything, but even to a notorious late arriver--a half hour is very extreme.

uppereastgirl

I agree with (most of) the others -- put the real time.  Don't punish (the majority of) your guests who show up early.  If people show up late, it isn't the end of the world (and at any rate it is their loss, not yours).  I see it as kind of a bridezilla move -- "I'm going to make my loved ones sit here for an hour waiting so they don't miss my pretty pretty princess entrance!!!"

Peaches, I understand the cultural thing, but on the other most of the Catholic girls on this board will have "Catholic gaps" between the ceremony and reception and have said that they expect that a lot of people won't try to come to their ceremony at all as a result.  This happens to a lot of people.  I think being late for a ceremony (Latino or not) or not coming because of the gap (without a valid excuse, regardless of how long the gap is) is rude -- but the world really will not end if people don't show up or show up late.  Just a thought.

We had a decent number of people (15-20?) show up late for our ceremony because they followed GPS/mapquest (which had the location of the church wrong -- it is on a country road so the numbers are screwy and they told people to go left instead of right at a turn, leading them into nowhere) instead of our directions cards.  I noticed them trickling in late, but honestly it wasn't a distraction and it wasn't something to get upset about.  Even with the best of intentions, these things can happen.  And the wedding is still special.

peaches85

uppereast - We're not having a Catholic ceremony and we're not having any gap between the ceremony and reception as both are at the same venue and it's all one thing right after another, so there's no reason for us to assume that people wouldn't show up for our ceremony due to inconvenience issues.  And I get what you're saying, but the people I'm referring to are really close to us and of course the world won't end and our wedding won't be ruined if they're not there, but they're still important enough to us.  And yes, if they're that important and that close to us then they should make the effort, but there really is this thing called "Latino Time," haha.  Things are just more relaxed where they're originally from and things haven't changed for them in the 10-15 years they've been in America.

Most importantly, though, I wasn't saying she should put the early time (and I ESPECIALLY wasn't saying she should do it for everyone), I was just saying what we're doing for a very specific group of individuals for a very specific reason and if she feels it will work for HER group of guests, then she should do whatever she wants since she knows her guests better than we do.

uppereastgirl

My point with the Catholic gap is that there are lots and lots of girls here that know that a lot of people won't go to their ceremony, and they deal with it just fine.  It isn't an uncommon thing, and it isn't the end of the world.  So if people are just a little bit late, or even too late to see the ceremony, it won't ruin your day (and in the meantime, you're being kind of really rude to your guests). 

I would maybe just tell your friends and family via word of mouth that the ceremony is not on Latino Time (which I know certainly exists) and that it will be starting promptly at x:00.  If they value you as much as you value them, they should be able to make an exception and show up on time once.  I mean, they'd have to do that for a job interview or an important meeting or a dinner reservation at a popular restaurant or whatever, so I'm sure they know how to do American Time when it is important.

ksen820

I think it depends on the situation.  I am having a small wedding of about 50 and they are all close family who don't see each other as often as they should.  I am putting 30 mins earlier start time on the invites because I want people to have time to say hi, go to the restroom, take their time, talk to my parents... whatever the case.  Everyone I have mentioned this to (who knows my family) knows that they would appreciate the extra time to chat and look around. 

It may be a bit "bridezilla" of me, but I spent a lot of money on my dress and the ceremony decor, I would be really upset if people missed it.

Pink7781

Absolutely put the actual start time as PPs have said. You start when you start and if they miss it then that's their problem.

uppereastgirl

In Response to <a href="http://forums.weddings.com/Sites/Weddings/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_30-minute-rule-ceremony-time?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:5db58aea-a352-429a-80fb-12bb678aa6d1Post:bf84a198-97fc-4a3c-97d8-9c0868246949">Re: 30 Minute Rule for Ceremony Time?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think it depends on the situation.  I am having a small wedding of about 50 and they are all close family who don't see each other as often as they should.  I am putting 30 mins earlier start time on the invites because I want people to have time to say hi, go to the restroom, take their time, talk to my parents... whatever the case.  Everyone I have mentioned this to (who knows my family) knows that they would appreciate the extra time to chat and look around.  It may be a bit "bridezilla" of me, but I spent a lot of money on my dress and the ceremony decor, I would be really upset if people missed it.
Posted by ksen820[/QUOTE]

But they can show up early whether or not you lie about the start time.  Most people do, because they realize that the ceremony time on the invitation is when the ceremony starts, not when they're supposed to start thinking about moseying in, and they want to say hi to people/run to the bathroom/get a good seat/etc.

What this means is that anyone who didn't get the memo about the start time being fake may show up a half an hour before the time on the invitaiton says to do the aforementioned things, will be waiting an hour for the ceremony to start, and then the ceremony may start even later than that.  I don't care how pretty your dress or flowers are (and won't I see your dress up close later anyway?  I never get a good look when the bride is walking down the aisle) --  it just isn't nice to punish conscientious guests like that.

peaches85

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_30-minute-rule-ceremony-time?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:5db58aea-a352-429a-80fb-12bb678aa6d1Post:32e3fc4d-ed3b-4dda-83c5-bce0c2e1c5db">Re: 30 Minute Rule for Ceremony Time?</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong> I mean, they'd have to do that for a job interview or an important meeting or a dinner reservation at a popular restaurant or whatever, so I'm sure they know how to do American Time when it is important.</strong>
Posted by uppereastgirl[/QUOTE]

Unfortunately, they're late to those things as well.  I really appreciate your insight and suggestions, but if you knew FI's family and friends you'd get it.  We're going to do it the way we have planned and I'm positive it'll work out perfectly.  :-)

melissa82

I would put the actual time. Personally, I can't see catering to rude people and reinforcing their rudeness. I've been invited to two venue ceremonies that did this now and (1) it's annoying when you aren't a rude person and show up on time (early) and have to sit there for so long and (2) word tends to get out that it's actually later and so lots of people show up when they'd show up if you'd just put the correct time anyway.

Peaches, I have a question (and this is not meant to try to change your mind or anything, I'm just curious)...do you think it's at all strange or sort of rude on your part that you're essentially tricking these particular people into coming to your ceremony? I mean, if they're habitually late people, it sounds like they may not particularly care if they make it to your ceremony. Maybe they even prefer to just come to the reception. (I do totally get LT--my sister's very good friend is from Mexico and I remember she and my mom were sitting at a shower for something like 2 HOURS before most people showed up.)

ksen820

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_30-minute-rule-ceremony-time?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:90Discussion:5db58aea-a352-429a-80fb-12bb678aa6d1Post:b6ddd758-4cd8-402a-b31a-de23d9b85526">Re: 30 Minute Rule for Ceremony Time?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: 30 Minute Rule for Ceremony Time? : But they can show up early whether or not you lie about the start time.  Most people do, because they realize that the ceremony time on the invitation is when the ceremony starts, not when they're supposed to start thinking about moseying in, and they want to say hi to people/run to the bathroom/get a good seat/etc. What this means is that anyone who didn't get the memo about the start time being fake may show up a half an hour before the time on the invitaiton says to do the aforementioned things, will be waiting an hour for the ceremony to start, and then the ceremony may start even later than that.  I don't care how pretty your dress or flowers are (and won't I see your dress up close later anyway?  I never get a good look when the bride is walking down the aisle) --  it just isn't nice to punish conscientious guests like that.
Posted by uppereastgirl[/QUOTE]


Sry, I should've been more clear.. Pretty much my entire fam wants me to put 30 mins earlier to give them time to see each other.  They apparently run on RT (russian time) and are incapable of arriving early unless they are specifically told to do so.

I guess it may seem ridiculous, but it's what they want and it's what works for us.

uppereastgirl

Ksen, in that circumstance I would just tell your family that they are welcome to show up at dawn if they want and you'd love them to do so, but you have his whole family and all sorts of friends coming too, and you don't want to obligate them to come early because in America, that is rude.  I understand that there are cultural differences at play here, but I would just explain that this is an American wedding and that some things will be American.  People can adjust their rules for one day.  And if they can't, well then they will miss the opportunity to socialize with family beforehand and that's their problem.  And if they show up late for the ceremony because they don't know how to show up somewhere on time KNOWING that something is starting promptly at that time, it makes them inconsiderate people, regardless of culture.

I mean, I'm not trying to be insensitive to immigrants/visitors, but I just don't understand why it is so hard to google "American etiquette" or such and realize that Latino/Russian time doesn't apply to weddings here.  And maybe this makes me a bad person or something, but if someone showed up 20 minutes late for a job interview with me because s/he's on "Latino Time," s/he's going to get an awful evaluation from me.  Period.  Sometimes you do have to do what the Romans do.  And I really think it is rude to penalize your non-Russian/Latino Time guests because they follow American etiquette.

Gryantmarch2step

At the last wedding I went to, they did the 30 minute rule on their invites, so I ended up getting there 15 minutes early & on top of that the wedding started late, so we were actually there about an hour before the ceremony started...totally annoying for the majority of people who are on time.

Thanks for your input....I'm putting the actual time!