Moving in together

gymchick05

My FI and I do not live together yet, but when his lease is up he will be moving in w/ me since it makes the most sense to save money before the wedding. I've only lived on my own for a year and I have never lived w/ a guy before and its probably stupid (since we spend a good 3-4 days per week together now) but Im nervous about it.

In one way I cant wait, since we live an hour apart and I feel like I dont live anywhere since Im here one night, there the next, etc. But on the other hand, I have a crazy schedule, Im self employeed plus I do a lot of consulting work so on the nights he isnt w/ me I usually stay up til 2am doing work, getting stuff accomplished, etc. He has a normal 9-5 and goes to bed around 10-11. I guess Im just getting stressed w/ how I can follow a similar schedule to him, plus get my work done, plus keep up w/ the house, be a good future wife, etc. Did anyone else have these issues before they moved in together?

misschristinec

my FI and I have lived together for over a year.  I've been living with a roommate since I graduated colleged 6 years ago...  Im really independent - and I have to travel a lot for work. 

I definitely think you need to have a conversation about this before you sign a lease together.  For example my FI is in bed right now! I'm in the basement on the the knot.  We just dont set many rules.  If there is something that bothers him he'll let me know and vica versa.  For example, he would prefer me not to use the laptop in our bedroom while he is sleeping - the light prevents him from falling asleep.
He wakes up at 6:30 I wake up at 8..  - he has a normal 9-5.. i dont..

it will work- plus that hour apart crap is rough!

gymchick05

Thanks so much- makes me feel better. I bought my place right around the time I met my FI so he is moving in w/ me for now and eventually we will get a place in between our jobs. We stay together a few times per week, but I guess Im just nervous because I want to be a great "wife" and I feel like I work 12-14 hours a day and its so hard to do all the other stuff. He is great and totally doesnt expect it, he helps out w/ whatever he can and we have talked about how I feel, I guess I just needed to know other people have had similar situations

misschristinec

sounds like you two will be great living together. I moved into my FI's townhouse (a year after he bought it) - I helped him pick it out when he was selling his condo. 

I dont pay rent, just our gigantic electric/gas bill and I have been putting $2000 in the wedding fund monthly (we are paying for the majority of our wedding). 

Our situation works for us.  I cook a lot (when i'm home) and I got stuck at work a bit late  tonight.  So I called him and asked if he would dice the tomatoes/roasted red peppers and fresh mozz. - and then rinse the arugula and cut off the stem pieces.. -- he was super proud when I got home and everything was ready for me! 

Later on this evening....
He buys me flowers every other week - and today was flowers day .. when I asked him to put the flowers in a vase for me (I was sitting at the dining room decorating cookies)  he said (in his laziest tone ever) "but I wont do it as nice as you would"...   so I stopped what I was doing washed up and then cut the flowers down to size  and then went back to decorating 80 stinkin' cookies

the good FI and the lazy FI.. all in one night!

Julephenia

We've always lived together (we met when I sublet a room from his roommate). We're STILL working out how to manage chores, but stuff gets done. We've set some rules when we found we needed them, but it's always a work in progress. It should always be - schedules and needs change, and being flexible is important.

Just remember to set aside time where you can just be you - if that's you staying up late while he sleeps, that can work. You don't have to be on the same schedule.

reese511

i agree w/ PP....sometimes its good to not be on the same schedule. you'll appreciate the times that your paths do cross so much more.  dont worry...you'll figure it out. 

jchristel

I've lived with FI for about a year and a half and things just kind of worked out naturally.  We did have to talk about how things would work financially, but we weren't engaged at the time I moved in.  I think if we had been, that conversation would have been a little different.  You probably should talk a little bit about schedules and expectations with things around the house if any of that concerns you.  It is an adjustment though- I pretty much lived on my own for 10 years before I moved in so I was very used to having my own space and having things done my way.  I think it's great practice for marriage, you learn quickly how to compromise on little things and how to choose your battles.  (leaving a soda can on the counter- OK, having a sink full of dishes when I get back from a work trip- not OK)  I also found it really nice to have someone to carry in the groceries and do all of the heavy lifting after years and years of being totally self sufficient and having to do everything myself.  Not that I can't manage them, but it's nice that he comes out the minute I pull in to help me.  

Danes983

I moved in with FI 1.5 years ago. I actually was laid off, but had planned on moving in before the lay off so it worked out.  While I was laid off I paid for the groceries and I cooked and cleaned since I wasnt making much and I had lots of bills.  Once I got a job, I added paying some of the utilities and kept up with the other house stuff.  When I started working 2 jobs we had a long talk about what kind of help I needed.  That I couldnt possibly do everything, plan a wedding and have time to rest all in 1 day.  So now he does some laundry, cooks once and a while and we have hired a cleaning person to come in 1 time a month to do the major stuff.  Since I was laid off the transition was pretty easy since I was home all day.  But when I got back to work and was commuting an hour things got hairy.  I laid it all out, bc IMO when u dont tell someone what you want, you cant expect them to know and hold it against them later.  I am sure that everything will work out fine.  GL

wagnerdi

Definitely agree w/ jchristel w/ the heavy lifting and grocery carrying part! That's a huge help!
My FI moved in w/ me after me living alone in my apt for 2 years. Thankfully we got along great and never had any major adjustment issues. Probably mostly due to his let it go/laid back attitude (i'm type A all the way!).
The biggest advice I can offer is remember it's weird for him too.  He's moving into YOUR place. Do your best to fit him in there and make it 'ours'. (if that makes sense)
Also...pick your battles...try to let the small stuff go and don't hold grudges

felicia220

I completely agree with PP.  Great advice.  I honestly had no issue at all moving in with FI but then again we have been together for so long that I knew every little thing he would do that was gonna drive me crazy....haha So I was prepared.  Keep an open line of communication.  And remember that just because you live together does not mean you need to spend every second with each other.  You still have your life to live.   

USER876

We lived together before, I think it's a great idea.....a good trial run too.  I won't lie, it was a rough start, ugly at times, but awesome now.  I am so glad we worked out the kinks before we were married, if the first 6 months of marriage was like that, it would of sucked.

cherylanddan0706

MH and I lived together from 6 months into our relationship, User is 100% correct I think it is an awesome trial run.

Heather822

Its definitely a transition, and honestly I am so glad we tried living together before getting married!
I had the same worries as you... and it was definitely an adjustment.
But a FUN adjustment... and we learned a lot about each other, and the process made us closer. We both got better at compromising, and learning give & take better...
We also don't have many *rules* but always speak up about things that come up, rather than let them bottle up & fester. 
Things just fell into place... he took on certain household responsibilities, and I took in others ~ but they were never really delegated. And we can both be flexible if roles need to be reversed for whatever reason.
I am sure you will be fine... just keep an open mind, open heart, and keep the communication flowing! If a fight comes up... try holding hands through it. or better yet ~ fight naked! LOL It will end really quick!  

dmoney79

we bought our house a few months after we got engaged, and i had every intention of moving in right away...he definitely did since it is much closer to his job than his parents house...
i, on the other hand, was having a hard time moving out of my parent's house.....its hard to leave the comfort of it, you know? i had never not lived there....and all the wedding stuff was there, so it was much easier....
i'd stay over in our house once a week or so....then i was there on the weekends, and then as it got closer to the wedding, i spent a few days at home with my parents and the rest of the week at home with mh....never a full week though...
but then when we got back from the honeymoon, i was just moved in....
for me i think weaning myself off of my parents house was the way to make it easier for me...i had been talking for years about moving out, and never got around to it for one reason or another.....although, it was a bit rough on us for having the house and me not living there for about a year and him there all alone....our house is in the middle of the woods almost, and his cell phone did not get any reception, so for the first few weeks, we had no phone so we couldn't talk at night, and we had no light in our living room, so it would get dark and we live in a dead end, so alot of people turn around in our driveway, which can be creepy in the middle of the night....so part of me feels bad about leaving him stranded for a while at our house, and part of me regretted not moving in sooner b/c i had to break him of whatever habits he had that were OK for living alone....
also, by me not moving in any sooner, it pushed back when were going to start trying to conceive....if i had we would have had at least a good year of just us and then we could try....but i moved in later, and made me think maybe we should start right away....
but, in the end, i'm happy with the way things worked out....and we're totally cool living with each other...we just need a bigger house....

kasabby

FI and I moved in together about 4 months ago. I was nervous about it because I had lived by myself for 6 years. I am a very routine person and I don't like change all that much--which makes it a little worse. Anyway, it ended up being perfect! I love to cook so I do all the cooking and making our lunches during the week and I do the cleaning. He does all the outside stuff-walking the dog, taking out the trash, moving the cars (we have a weird driveway), shovelling in the winter. It has worked out great!

kneecoallynn

FI and I have practically lived together since we started dating. we had off schedules because he went to school all day, then worked til like 9 so he would come over after work, and I work 7:30-4 so I would be ready for bed at 10:30 and we'd fall asleep together..and then eventually all of his stuff just kind of appeared and we were living together. There was no real discussion of it lol.
but its worked out well, except for a few small things, like leaving the toilet seat up, or leaving the clothes on the floor NEXT to the laundry basket. But other then that, he does all the outside stuff, and cooks half the week, and packs my breakfast/lunch in the morning because he's up before me. And I cook the other half of the week, do the laundry, dust/vaccum, clean the bathroom (because FMIL pretty much NEVER cleans so FI is not very good at it lol.) But we mostly got it down to a science. And if one of us needs the other to do something, we just ask.

gymchick05

You all have made me feel a lot better and Im glad I'm not the only one who was nervous. My FI is awesome and is so helpful, so I know we will be great. I was just worried about our different schedules, etc. Thanks so much!

ksen820

It's actually nice I think to be on different schedules cuz you don't get sick of each other.  FI works overnight so he sleeps while i'm at work and wakes up when I get home from work and we spend 2-3 hours together at least 3-4 nights a week.

I think if we saw each other every day and had the same schedule, it would drive me nuts lol.

Julephenia

Yeah, different schedules are frequently good. There can be schedules that are TOO different, but a chance to have some alone time as well as together time. When FI and I are off work, we last about 2 weeks before we start driving each other crazy.

stapletond

My FI and I moved in together after dating for about a year and a half.  We had and still have completely different schedules, so we were eager to move in and make the most of the time we spend together.  He is a chef and works late hours and I'm a teacher that gets up at 5 AM!  Luckily we have the entire summer to spend time together! 

I was really nervous about moving in with him, but once we were together, I knew everything would work out.   Good luck with it all!

LauraT25

Edit:  This was a weird cross-post, sorry.

SandDD

Fi and I have completely different schedules. He works midnights with alternating off days and I work a 9-5 which more recently has been a 8-6 (and later).  I would be lying if I said it doesn't trip us up sometimes, but I love having that space as well.  I love having the place to myself sometimes! Living together is an adjustment, but it's also a ton of fun.

cvl105

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_moving-together?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:90Discussion:64a83f68-0ac6-43fc-860e-7ff7b3174db4Post:9a79bfc5-d914-41e5-97d3-8783b51c8ee7">Re: Moving in together</a>:
[QUOTE]We lived together before, I think it's a great idea.....a good trial run too.  I won't lie, it was a rough start, ugly at times, but awesome now.  <strong>I am so glad we worked out the kinks before we were married, if the first 6 months of marriage was like that, it would of sucked.
</strong>Posted by USER876[/QUOTE]

I couldn't agree more!!!!!