NWR: FMIL Vent

diamondx423

So FMIL and I don't always see eye to eye, and today is one of those cases.  FI and I were supposed to spend fathers day weekend at this parents house (about 4 hours south) but I no longer can. Between my best friends bachelorette party changing and my little brothers HS graduation, it just won't work for me to drive 8 hours all in one day. FI is still going, I just can't go with him.

I knew she'd be disappointed, but I didn't think she'd be such a baby about it. Fathers day is almost two weeks away, and already she's making FB statuses "well, looks like father's day is ruined for FI's dad". WTF?! His three children and one daughter-in-law are making the trek, so are they not good enough? And I was there two weeks ago, so its not like I haven't seen them in months and months! And now, if her friends or family comment on FB I look like a huge b!tch for not going.
 
She makes me want to scream!! Ugh!
OK, vent over.

hcer0708

Dont stress over it. It was wrong of her to put that up on facebook knowing that you will see it. She is probably trying to guilt you into going.

diamondx423

i'm trying not to, and i know that's exactly what she's doing. i just can't vent to FI since she will always be his mother, so i try not to tell him every little thing she does that bothers me.

felicia220

Reason 78: Of why I hate facebook.  

Sorry you have to deal with that.  If I were you, I would comment on her wall and say "why is father's day ruined?"  Let her tell you publicly that you are THAT important to the success of her husband's father's day.  *evil laugh*   I'm bad like that.  

I understand not telling your FI every little thing, so that is what we are here for VENT AWAY!

mbcdefg

Are you 100% sure it's about you? It seems like a passive-aggressive move no matter what she's talking about (I still don't understand why people in our parents' generation are even ON Facebook ... I'm 26 and I find it pretty immature at times) ... but maybe it's not about you. Maybe she got into a fight with your FFIL, or maybe she had a gift hidden from him and he found it. Don't jump to conclusions over a cryptic message (again, assuming that you are not certain that it's about you, which you really can't be unless FMIL tells you it's about you).

Even if it IS about you, though, just let it be. You can't make it, you sent your regrets, that's all you can do. There will be other holidays.

melissa82

That's really weird. My parents wouldn't think twice about not seeing H on Father's day (and in fact they won't be seeing either of us). Personally, I'd have your H let her know he saw her status and ask what it's about. If it is about you, he needs to tell her it's inappropriate and she can't act this way toward his future wife. Nip this in the bud now or you'll be putting up with it this kind of stuff for the rest of your marriage.

I'd also probably hide her from your news feed. All the people who annoy me are hidden and my FB is much more enjoyable that way.

Lola Minnie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_nwr-fmil-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:90Discussion:6e11428f-c88e-46a3-bd97-bbeb8d169047Post:ccf7f93a-ae73-4429-b3ab-02e2e2353d9f">Re: NWR: FMIL Vent</a>:
[QUOTE]i'm trying not to, and i know that's exactly what she's doing. i just can't vent to FI since she will always be his mother, so i try not to tell him every little thing she does that bothers me.
Posted by diamondx423[/QUOTE]

Good for you! I have trouble keeping things that bother me to myself and I know I should keep my mouth shut when it comes to his mom.

I guess just vent to us and friends and try to ignore her for now.  That's really immature if it's towards you knowing you could see it.  Thank god my DH's mom isnt on FB.

diamondx423

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_nwr-fmil-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:90Discussion:6e11428f-c88e-46a3-bd97-bbeb8d169047Post:8f351787-6b38-4836-accc-39584757b3a7">Re: NWR: FMIL Vent</a>:
[QUOTE] I'd also probably hide her from your news feed. All the people who annoy me are hidden and my FB is much more enjoyable that way. =)
Posted by melissa82[/QUOTE]

i have her hidden now! maybe it is self centered to think its about me, it just seemed logical.

and i have to try so SO hard not to whine to FI every 5 minutes. its rough...

TuffysMommie

What I don't understand is that Father's Day should be spent with one's Father. That said, it shouldn't matter if you spend Father's Day with FI's father or not! Technically speaking, he is not your father! (There are of course situations where you might want to spend the day with him, but there should be NO pressure at all to do so if you cannot)

I never quite understood the Mother's Day/Father's Day holidays - as long as my parents are pleased with what I do for them, there should be no other obligations! And why is there only one day out of the year where I tell them they are wonderful? Do the other things I do for them in other months not count? This past mother's day was my sister's 1st mother's day - and I acknowledged it by saying "Happy Mother's Day."  She's my sister - not my mother! I know of other people/friends who have big get togethers and parties for family members that are pretty far removed from the "mother" relationship. I just don't get it!

There is no way FI's mother should be upset that you can't attend an event for FI's father. It's a made up holiday. You have other events in your life and should have every right to decline. You saw him recently - it's not like you are avoiding them or anything.

Sure, the fb status might not have been about you at all, but it's just weird on so many levels.  Good luck - people can be really odd about the smallest things and it sucks that she's making you feel this way.