Ok, I tend to overreact and I may be overreacting right now but my feelings are hurt so whatever. I'll try not to ramble, here goes.
I got engaged on September 5th, 2010 (though I knew it was coming for a while) and asked 3 friends to be bridesmaids shortly thereafter. No MOH or BM, only 3 bridesmaids & 3 groomsmen.
The 3 friends I asked have been friends of mine for quite a while, though I moved from FL to NC 2.5 years ago so we have drifted slightly since I'm no longer there for the stuff we all used to do together. 1 of the 3 has come to visit me since moving and she has told me she plans to throw me a shower, sent me a planning book when I was stressing, and has helped me put together color schemes & stuff via email. She's been helpful, and I've been very vocal about how appreciative I am because I've been to ONE wedding as an adult and have no idea what I'm doing.
Friend #2 isn't close with the other 2 friends, lives 3 hours from them, JUST had a baby 3 weeks ago in addition to her 3 year old, and has a house/job/husband to maintain. She told me up front that yes, she'd love to be in my wedding but in the beginning of the planning she may not be as involved as she'd like to be because of everything going on. YET she emails me asking how it's going, signed me up for a bunch of wedding planning catalogs, offered her veil and dress for me to use (which I declined, but it was nice of her) and has overall been a help even though this is the last thing she should be worried about.
Friend 3 is my problem. At one point before I moved, we were extremely close. We went on weekend trips together, exchanged bday & xmas gifts, had weekly lunches, etc. and I had no reservations about asking her to be part of my day, even before I was officially engaged. The day I got engaged, she did say congratulations, but she didn't seem super excited for me like my other friends were and like I would be for her. I brushed it off, but since then she has not once asked me how the planning is going or if I need help, even though she knows I'm doing it 100% on my own up here having no mother or sisters to help. I've sent emails to the 3 of them at once with like a question about height and stuff & she always replies very shortly. When I asked her, she said yes and she'd be honored, just don't put her in anything sleeveless. I basically told them all that they could go to David's Bridal and pick anything long in the color I wanted and I'd be fine with it, mostly because I knew it would make her more comfortable since she's on the bigger side and doesn't wear dresses.
I've gotten very down several times about the planning process and have had to start from scratch with a new venue. No comment from her, no offers, no advice or input, nada. I know I could ASK for help, but I haven't had to ask the others and they've just kinda been there for me without making me feel like I'm bothering them. I know the wedding is 11 months away but I'm on a budget, have issues with details that make me take twice as long to do things than normal people, and I have no help so that's also making things take much longer. I just don't feel like she cares. At all. And I feel like she'd rather not be part of the wedding based on her overall involvement and excitement level. I wish she would have just said so and honestly, I feel like maybe I don't want to give her the boot because that's what she would WANT me to do and what she probably EXPECTS me to do and I don't want to give her the satisfaction. But that's the vindictive, snarky side that we'll keep under wraps for now.
Anyway, the final straw was yesterday. A mutual friend of ours got engaged for Christmas and posted it on Facebook. Suddenly, engagement is something to spontaneously combust about because my friend#3 posted so many OMG I CAN'T WAIT I LOVE YOU CONGRATS OMG SO EXCITED comments on newly engaged friend's page and status updates that I wanted to explode. Not gonna lie, I'm super jealous over how excited friend#3 was for new bride and that she barely squeezed out a "Congratulations" for me, knowing I was gonna ask her to be IN my wedding. She and the other girl aren't as close and she and I are/were, and they haven't gotten closer since I moved.
I'm just sad, I guess. I feel like she wouldn't be disappointed in the least if I gave her the boot. In fact, I think she'd be relieved. Shouldn't I give her the boot for that, alone? All the other stuff just hurts my feelings and I have enough to be stressed about without worrying about a bridesmaid that may be scheming to get out of her assignment.
Or should I just talk to her about it and see what her reaction is? Knowing her well, I think it will be something along the lines of "your wedding isn't for 11 months, I didn't think I needed to do anything yet" which doesn't mean crapola because if she sees me in planning mode and stressing out, wouldn't any normal bridesmaid want to help if they cared about the wedding and the bride?
I could just be feeling whiny, too. Who knows. Any input? Thanks
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