this is the code for the render ad
Community› Local Wedding Boards› New Jersey
New Jersey
New Discussion

bridesmaids drama

WeddingBells326WeddingBells326 member
10 Comments
in New Jersey
Hi Ladies, so I'm kind of new to the NJ board..I've lurked around but haven't done much posting. But I could really use some advice.

So my FI has a big italian family, and they are all very close, we see his aunts and uncles and cousins like every other weekend. In the wedding party is his brother, and 2 of his male cousins, and on my side is 1 of his cousins, and his 1 cousin's gf (try to follow me lol) but I did not want to ask his 16 year old cousin because she's pretty immature and she almost never talks to me. Well I just found out that she's going around saying that I hate her, and that she feels so left out that I didn't ask her to be in the wedding party. And now all his family is basically guilting me into asking her which I really don't want to do, but I don't want everyone to think I'm the bad guy that left one cousin out. I already have 5 bridesmaids, and I already felt like that was too much.

So my question is, do I keep the peace and just ask her or do I stand by ground?

Thanks Ladies!
Wedding Countdown Ticker
Report Reply to Post

Re: bridesmaids drama

  • Laurms15Laurms15 member
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Can you ask her to be a reader or does she sing/play an instrument? Personally I wouldn't have a 16 year old be a BM I would have them be a Jr. BM. She's immature becasue she is 16 no surprise there! :) We were all 16 once haha.

    I understand what you are saying but maybe to keep family peace make her a Jr. BM?
    my bio ~Laurie~
    wedding websites
    imageimage
    Report Reply
  • WeddingBells326WeddingBells326 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I wanted to just say she's too young but FI put his 12 year old cousin as a groomsmen (they are practically glued to each other so I couldn't argue.) I asked if she wanted to read and she said that she didn't want that much attention. WTF do you think a bridesmaid gets???
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Report Reply
  • smw42smw42 member
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    If she's already complaining- the drama with her isn't going to end if you give in and make her a BM. I say don't do it but come up with a good reason for not doing it. I just see this as the start of many headaches with her. I like the idea of making her a reader.
    Anniversary Photobucket
    Report Reply
  • LolyalyssaLolyalyssa member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    My FI is from a huge Italian family too and I have the same problem.

    You really can't say no to anyone.  Italians live for weddings, especially the women and it hurts people to be left out.

    Ask her to be in.  Make something up about not being Italian so you didn't know and how its your fault. 

    Its a big deal to a 16 year old girl.  She is just coming into her own and thinking in her head that she is old enough to be a bridesmaid etc...it costs you virtually nothing in the scheme of whole wedding and it only helps you with the family.  It will piss all the female relatives off that are close with this cousin and you don't want that--trust me :)
    Report Reply
  • akmackayakmackay
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I don't see how you have his cousin's gf and not his other cousin (of course, I'm sure you are friends with her, but to include a gf and not a true cousin is hurtful). Keep the peace and have her be a BM. My 15 yr old cousin was a BM, not a Jr BM. I really don't think at that age they should be a Jr. BM
    *~allie~*

    Report Reply
  • reese511reese511
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    what is the diff between a BM and a Jr. BM? 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker Photobucket

    t+sBio

    Report Reply
  • Laurms15Laurms15 member
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    BM is usually the friends of the bride. I would usually say a full on BM/GM is 18 and up anyone under that would be a Jr. unless they are very young. Jr. BM is often a MUCH younger sister, cousin, daughter or similar relative of the bride or groom.

    I know a BM is only required to show up in the dress BUT they often plan the shower and bachelorette parties even though they aren't required to. Jr BM would not be responsible for anything other then attending the shower and possibly the BP IF and only IF it was age appropriate but usually hey don't attend that. They often wear a slightly modified version of the dress that a BM wears.
    my bio ~Laurie~
    wedding websites
    imageimage
    Report Reply
  • cherylanddan0706cherylanddan0706
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    My cousin was 17 and a Bridesmaid, IMO if I had her introduced as a jr. bm my guests would have laughed.

    I'd hate to say it, but you have to include her some how but I would say as a reader, I didn't have my SIL's (3 of them) as bm's but i had them read something because we wanted to include them.
    Report Reply
  • njpabzynjpabzy
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I agree I think you should ask her - maybe it will make your relationship better with her - if you dont ask the drama with the family is just going to continue.
    M-43 DOR (FSH 20 AMH 0.16, AFC 4-6) Endo stage III DH-42 (low everything)
    TTC #1 unofficially since 6/09, officially since 10/10
    6/11 RE testing,rt tube blocked with hydro, 8/11 lap surgery rt tl
    IVF#1 10/11 Estrace,450 Follistim, 15 units low-dose HCG, DHEA - cancelled (only follie growing)
    IVF#2 started stims 11/4/11 - same protocol, increase in concentration of HCG, added CoQ10, no response, cancelled on CD 12
    12/2/11 began accupuncture; Break in Dec. Next cycle anticipated in Jan.
    PAIF/SAIF Welcome
    Report Reply
  • WeddingBells326WeddingBells326 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Thanks for the advice ladies. I caved in last night and asked her, I really just didn't want to start drama.

    acmackay - The reason I asked the gf is because I've actually known her longer then FI. We went to school together and when FI and I started dating we went out with his cousin and her on a regular basis so I'd consider her a friend, where as his younger cousin I just consider a cousin.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Report Reply
  • akmackayakmackay
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_bridesmaids-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:90Discussion:99a1b5c4-3bff-454b-a2cc-a81cc67270bePost:54d2e3c5-b541-4be4-97e5-338ac0a85931">Re: bridesmaids drama</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thanks for the advice ladies. I caved in last night and asked her, I really just didn't want to start drama. acmackay - The reason I asked the gf is because I've actually known her longer then FI. We went to school together and when FI and I started dating we went out with his cousin and her on a regular basis so I'd consider her a friend, where as his younger cousin I just consider a cousin.
    Posted by WeddingBells326[/QUOTE]

    Figured it was something like that- but you know families... when you have a GF instead of an actual cousin as a BM drama arises.  <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-tongue-out.gif" border="0" alt="Tongue out" title="Tongue out" />
    *~allie~*

    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards