sister dilemma

carolinagal78

Hi everyone! I'm new here. Just engaged as of 7/19/10 and planning a 9/10/11. I want to get married on the beach. My fiance and I plan to get our wedding party small with just 2 attendants. I'm not really close to my sister even though we live in the same town. We get along fine but just arent close.  I would rather use my two best friends as maid of honor and bridesmaid but dont want my sis upset w/me. What do you think? My fiance thinks I shouldnt worry about it since we arent close but he's a guy so I need girl opinions.

NcsuPsych

Welcome to the board!

While bridal parties are supposed to be made up of the closest people to you, I can see where a person could have a little trouble not including a sibling.
If you aren't close with your sister at all, then pick those closest too you.

With this said, I also feel your FI is correct. You're over a year out. Waiting until you're a little closer will make things easier. A lot can happen within a year and picking now could cause some issues later on (falling out with a friend; budget cuts; wedding plans).

Good luck with the planning! The ladies here are absolutely wonderful and you can make true friends here!

-Beka )

carolinagal78

Thanks! I really want to see others opinions before I make a decision. I know I have plent of time tho. Its just been weighing on my mind.

MelBee12

definitely wait!!  I wish I had.  It's easy to get excited and "know" who you want to be your MOH and in your bridal party...but let's face it.  People change, things change and you may end up with regret later.  Take your time, even plan a cute way to ask those closest to you.  You never know.  In this next year, your sister could end up being super helpful or your relationship could change and you might change your mind.  But definitely don't ask her to be in your bridal party "just because" she is your sister if you're not close.  I would kind of feel her out.  Maybe she won't be upset at all or maybe she'll show signs of wanting to be in your bridal party.  Don't forget, it's not just about who you want to stand up there with you, it's equally as important that the people standing up there actually want to be there.  If she could care less, I wouldn't worry about it.  If she shows a pure interest in wanting to stand up with you for your wedding day, I'd definitely reconsider and take longer in thinking about it.  Would it really hurt to have 3 attendants?  I could see if you already had like 5 or 6.  And please don't worry about the sides being "even" (as in groomsmen)...no one cares.

FutureMrsFraser

Ditto Beka.

CJ4578

Ditto, you don't want your bridal party to be people you aren't close to. Oh, and remember- there are other things you can ask her to do, such as a reading, or handing out programs, etc. to make her feel included.

I picked my girls right after I was engaged and I haven't regretted the decision at all, but I have no sisters, and my female cousins and I are not close, so I just chose my four best friends. There was really no one else I would ask. So, my decision was easy. However, FI has two brothers that he is close to, but wanted his best friend who's always been there for him to be his best man- and also he didn't want to choose between his brothers for that. He waited a while to formalize the decision and the wedding party so he could feel out everyone's opinions on the matter. It worked out well, no one's feelings were hurt, his brothers are still in the wedding party, best friend is best man, etc.

Good luck!

Beth0882

I agree that you have to make a decision that will make you happy. 

However, as I am going through this with FI's family right now, I would caution you to handle it all delicately, as often times family members have expectations about their involvement in your wedding (that you might never have thought they had and you might think are ridiculous)  and it could lead to some hurt feelings if you don't make sure you handle it well!  Maybe you could talk to your parents about it and see how they think she would feel about it all (if you think you can do that without them talking to her about it!)

Good luck!

carolinagal78

Thanks Beth! I talked to my Mom and she doesnt think my sis will mind. It's kind of a sticky situation. I guess I'll wait to see what happens. My fiance is thinking of asking my brother to be a groomsman so I guess it all depends.